Title: Pandora-What I Want to See

Author: Logicbomb.32

Ships: Caskett

Summary: What I want to see from the episode Pandora.

Authors Note: This was written because of something I saw on Tumblr. It ended up being much, much longer than I anticipated but I enjoyed writing it. Enjoy.

Beckett is jealous by this mysterious female presence, the words Castle murmured to her as she lay bleeding out in the grass echoing in her head throughout the episode (not for us to hear obviously). She wonders if she waited to long and it's as she see Castle and this mystery woman that she realizes that the wall she has built around herself, Castle was never on the outside. Somehow he was already inside, she was just to blind, too scared to see it. The end of the episode comes around and we see Castle and Beckett sitting together.

It's quite, faint music playing in the background and we see Beckett take a breath, preparing herself for what she is about to do "Castle." she says, his name catching in her throat as she says it, betraying the emotions she's hiding.

He looks over at her, curious because he caught the emotion in her voice as she said his name "Yeah." he says, just as gently as she because in the back of his mind he is wondering Is this it?

"I-" she hesitates, knowing that if she says this it will be like opening Pandora's box, there will be no turning back "I lied to you."

He says nothing and she can't bring herself to look at him, can't bring herself to meet his gaze "About the shooting."

Silence.

Dead silence.

Her heart is pouring in her chest and little does she know, his is as well. Going a million miles an hour as he wonders if she knows how much of his soul he lay bare to her that day.

"I remember everything."

She still doesn't look at him, can't, won't look at him. Even greeted by silence she forces herself to keep going because if she stops now she might never start again "I remember you pushing me to the ground, the wind being knocked out of my chest, the screaming, the crack of the bullet and the pain. I remember the pain."

"And." Castle croaks out as she pauses for a breath, he's desperate and angry and confused and hurt all at the same time did she know, all this time?

"And I remember what you said to me." she finally confesses and she feels no weight being lifted from her chest, no relief at finally telling him.

No, she only feels fear that she might have just lost one of the most important people in her life "Say it." he prompts quietly, his tone to low for her to judge the tone.

"I-I remember you telling me that you loved me." she admits.

"Why?" he asks, and there is no doubting the anger and hurt laced in his words "Why didn't you tell me?"

She forces herself to meet his gaze as she responds "I-" but she doesn't know what to say, how to respond "I didn't know how to tell you. When you asked me if I remembered anything about the shooting I was lying to everyone, my therapist, my father, myself, it rolled off the tongue so much easier than yes."

Beckett is almost pleading with I'm now because she knows that she's loosing him, she can only hope that it won't be for good "I'm sorry." she says, and Castle averts his gaze "By the time I told my therapist I remembered we had gotten back to where we were and, and I didn't want to ruin that by telling you I lied."

"So what changed?" he asks, he's standing now, hands shoved deep in his pockets but his posture is still straight and tall.

"I saw you." she says "With her." she continues "and I realized I didn't want you with anyone else. I wanted you to be with me. I wanted to be with you."

He nods, but doesn't speak "You lied to me. On top of not talking to me for three months, you lied to me Kate, to my face." She opens her mouth to speak, to apologize and explain but he doesn't give her the opportunity "Do you know how many hours I spent starting at my hands because I could still feel the blood, your blood, on them? Do you know what it was like to watch the life drain out of someone that you-" he pauses, like he did that time on the street "someone that you love? I didn't sleep for days Kate because every time I closed my eyes I was in the cemetery, but this time, this time you died and I was left looking at your headstone."

It's a shocking confession that Beckett hadn't been expecting, but still he plows on through, not giving her a chance to speak.

"And now, now you tell me that you knew. Knew what I told you, the words I confessed to you. I-" he breaks off, running a hand through his hair "I don't know what to do."

She doesn't know what to say because she's sure no words can make her lies right, no words can repair the damage she's done "I'm sorry." she repeats "Castle I-"

He cuts her off "I need time." he says, his words harsh but underneath there is something else.

And it is this something else that Beckett will cling to, as Castle walks away from her and the tears finally begin to fall down her face. She doesn't get up to stop him, she doesn't grab his arm and pull him into a passionate kiss because this isn't a movie, a kiss won't fix their broken trust, won't give her the happy ending she has denied herself for so long.

"I'll wait." she says, just loud enough for him to hear "I'll wait for you." she promises, like he has done so many times for her, she will wait for him to be ready to talk to her, to work with her, to be with her.

She will wait.

Thoughts? Comments? Not gunna happen?

I can admit that the possibilities of it happening are slim, but I have hope.

R&R as always is appreciated.

Thanks,

Logicbomb.32