Castiel hesitates when he sees Dean on the swing set with his brother.
What right does Castiel have to be here?
God put Castiel here for Castiel, but does Dean really deserve this?
Dean deserves better.
Dean is in a happier place now – a perfect one – that doesn't need a reminder of all the pain and betrayal Castiel caused.
Castiel doesn't want to hurt Dean anymore.
But then Castiel remembers how Dean looked at him before he died, before he was dragged into the pit by an insistent hell-hound.
He remembers why. He remembers the stupid deal he made to save Castiel; Castiel killed Crowley ten minutes after he found out why he wasn't dead himself.
He remembers pleading with God to let Dean go to heaven, to save him from hell again, and receiving no sign.
He remembers diving into hell himself after the hounds came, just to be sure that Dean wasn't there.
He remembers the bloody war he started as he search the corners of hell, just to double check, and the relief he felt when he couldn't find him.
He remembers asking Bobby to please stop calling him Cas.
The vague stumbling around in Jimmy's body for fifteen years is something he doesn't care about, because Dean wasn't there.
He won the civil war in heaven, but he can't find himself caring about that either.
Well, at least beyond the fact that he secured heaven for Dean.
That, in truth, is why he kept fighting for all those years.
And besides, seeing Dean makes Castiel happy.
He takes a step forward and stumbles because he, like Sam and Dean, was significantly different in structure before he died.
He's actually about to fall – because unlike Sam and Dean, Castiel has never been this particular teenager before – but all of a sudden there is a Dean holding him against a chest and kissing him.
He doesn't think Dean notices his clumsiness, but even if he did, Cas himself can barely remember it.
Cas can hardly believe it's happening, but it is and he loves Dean so so much.
Plus, kissing Dean like this feels good.
He feels Dean's blood pulse and his presence in his heart and, remarkably, feeling this makes him feel like Cas again.