I stood in the doorway, looking at my eternal butler as he poured nothing into my tea cup. It was just a comforting ritual now, just a way of taking up time. We had so much of it now. He noticed my presence and looked up at me. No doubt he already knew I was there but he pretended to be human to make me feel comfortable around him and part of me was thankful for that. I approached and sat down at the desk before sipping the make-believe tea. Silence rested between us but it was no longer tense and awkward. We understood now the price of one another's company and the price of our mistakes and there was no point in being angry at each other anymore. Our rage had died down into a tranquil companionship and I found myself feeling content with the arrangement. Contentment, however, was a long shot away from happiness.
I had not the will to be happy or to find the shred of happiness that could lead me to my own form of heaven. To be happy was to leave Sebastian and find a life with someone who could love me. It was a child's dream but I am an eternal child. Even so...leaving Sebastian was something I could never do. Of course I could order him away or leave and never return, I know I could but I also knew I couldn't. Only one thing stopped me and another stopped me from admitting it. I love him.
Sad, isn't it?
I could not bring myself to love Lizzy in the way she deserved from her betrothed, nor could I care much for my servants or the pawns I put into play. I cared not for those who died because of me or for me and I hated nearly every eligible woman who would have killed to be my wife but...in the end it was a demon who claimed my affections, who cared for me and saved me from the monsters that haunted my nightmares. It was always Sebastian. He was the angel from my nightmares, the shadow in the background of the morgue while I was his unsuspecting victim. I should have known, I did know he could never feel anything for me except hunger.
He was everything I could have wanted. He was obedient but he challenged my authority, sought to defy me any way he could. He was a challenge and I liked that. He was handsome, almost kind in his own way and had the oddest sense of humour, a humour I understood and even found hilarious myself on more than one occasion. He was perfection.
I soon found that the devil doesn't come clad in a red cape with pointed horns like some deformed Count Dracula...he comes as everything you have ever wished for. He will make you love him, succumb to him, want him and need him, and then he will destroy you utterly when you are at your most vulnerable.
And you will love him still.