I've had this written for months, ever since I read the trilogy & was left with my soul destroyed, but I've been wary of uploading it due to the fact that I refuse to change Veronice Roth's ending to Allegiant (although I really wish she would re-write it) & so many people may not like what I've done. This is only the first part, & I will only write & upload a second part if you want it. If not, this shall be put on & will stay on hiatus. So please, please review, follow & favourite. It would mean so much to me to be able to share this idea with people who want Tris & Tobias to be reunited as much as I want them to be.
"Goodnight Tobias," Johanna Reyes says, smiling as she watches me stand up and put my jacket on from behind her desk. I smile back.
"Goodnight, Johanna." Johanna shares an office with lots of other government representatives, so it's more of a large room than an office, and I share it, too. I'm lucky to be her assistant – she's a lot easier to work with than some of the others. Of course, Johanna being Johanna, she wouldn't have it any other way.
I leave the building and walk out into the fresh air. It's still light outside, so I can see the glint of the sun on building windows, the brightness in people's eyes as they leave work. I decide to walk home, seeing as it's an important anniversary for me today and I'd rather not be surrounded by people on the train. A year ago, we scattered Tris' ashes. I faced my fear of heights for her to go down the zip-line from the Hancock building in order to scatter her ashes in a way she would've agreed with.
It's not exactly a short walk from work to my apartment, but I guess I have a lot to think about. My mother sat me down the other day to tell me that my father was found dead on the edge of the city. A heart attack, doctors confirmed. I hadn't heard anything from, or even of Marcus since that day three years ago, the day I walked away from him. I haven't thought about his death, haven't processed it yet. I'm not sure I care enough to spare it a thought. Especially not today.
Eventually I reach my apartment, my eyes stinging from my tears for Tris. I always cry, at least a little, when I think about her too much. I still find myself waking in the middle of the night, haunted by the part of my fear landscape where I couldn't save her. Haunted by a fear that came to life.
I shrug off my jacket and drape it over the back of the couch. I'm about to sit down when there's a knock on the door. I frown as I walk to the door; people rarely call on me. I open the door to reveal Zeke and Christina, the former looking comfortable while the latter seems nervous. Her hands are behind her back. I raise my eyebrows at them.
"Hey Four!" Zeke exclaims, slapping my shoulder and grinning as he invites himself inside. Christina is more courteous, waiting until I smile and gesture for her to come in before she actually takes a step inside.
Whatever she holds in her hands is swiftly relocated to the front of her body, where she clutches it to her chest. I close the door, noticing that Zeke has already made himself at home on the couch. Christina just stands by the window, looking out over the river.
I lean against the door and watch them, waiting. They don't come here often, and it's even rarer for them to show up so unexpectedly; I usually go to them instead. Finally, Christina turns around. She exchanges a glance with Zeke.
"We have something for you," she says. My eyes are drawn to the object she's grasping, her hands folded protectively around it. It's wrapped in paper, so that all I can see of it is it's rectangular shape.
"I got it, and Shauna sorted something else out for it. It was Christina's idea," Zeke says. "The rest of us agreed." I wait, shoving my hands into my pockets. Christina walks towards me, but not all the way. She wants me to walk the distance to meet her in the middle, so I do. I stand in front of her, hands still in my pockets. Slowly, her fingers release the object that she so desperately clutches, and she holds it out to me.
"It was my decision to give it to you today, so I take full responsibility if that was a bad decision," she says, looking me in the eye. She'll never lose that Candor habit, the one where she's completely honest about her part in something.
I take the object from her and turn it over in my hands. I cannot even guess what it is.
"Oh, it's actually two things," Zeke says, and I can feel his gaze on me. I can hear the nerves underlying his voice, not as hidden as he thinks. "So be careful that you don't drop either of them when you un-wrap them." I nod, finding it difficult to swallow. What can this be, that they are so nervous?
I slide my finger under one corner of the wrapping, slowing pulling it apart. I do the same to the next corner, and then I pull the items out of their paper shell. They are upside down, and as I drop the wrapping and slowly turn them over in my hands, I can hear Christina's attempts to keep her breathing even. Zeke remains silent from his place on the couch.
When I see what they have given me, I inhale sharply. The first item is a photograph of Tris, the photo that was taken in her first weeks at Dauntless and then used in her initiation. Her hair is long and straight, framing her small face, the blonde shade make her pale, stormy eyes stand out. Her lips are curled up in an unsure smile, similar to the one on my face in my own initiate photograph. The photo is in a sleek black frame that draws attention to the three black ravens tattooed from her collarbone to her heart, although only one and a half are actually visible.
The second is another photograph, and this one makes my heart feel like it's going to stop. It's of Tris and I, outside the Dauntless compound. We're stood together, her arms around my waist and mine around her shoulders, my forehead pressed down to hers. I remember that day, that moment – the day she went to visit her brother at Erudite's headquarters, the day I rescued her from Eric's prying interrogation. The day she officially became my girlfriend. This photograph is framed in one similar to the first, but it is metallic silver instead of black.
I open my mouth to say something, but no words come out. I can't take my eyes off the second photograph.
"The quality of that one isn't great because it's just an image captured by one of the Dauntless cameras," Zeke explains, getting up from the couch and walking over to where Christina and I are still stood in the centre of my apartment. "There were a few that I found of you two – you guys weren't as careful as you like to think," he adds, grinning knowingly. "But I thought that this one was the best."
"Thank you," I whisper, my voice cracking. I finally look up at the two of them, meeting their gazes. "Thank you." Christina smiles and I pull her into a hug, tears dripping from my eyes onto her shoulder.
"You're welcome," she replies as she pulls away. Zeke grins as I pull him into an embrace, slapping his back a couple of times. We pull away, and I grin back at him.
"It was fun going back to the Dauntless compound," Zeke says as I walk over to a plain cabinet on the edge of the room and carefully place the photographs down on it. I feel lighter, better about today now that I know that I can see Tris every day.
"What's it like now?" I ask, looking at her initiate photograph again.
"Different, but the same," Zeke says. "It's difficult to explain. It looks mainly the same, but it feels different." I nod. I know what he means, because that's how I feel every time I go somewhere that I've been with Tris without her.
"It was definitely okay to give you those today, right?" Christina asks tentatively. "I mean, we all know what today is and what it means to you."
"Yeah," I say, looking at her. "It's okay." I smile, and they both smile back. "Thank you."
"You're welcome, Tobias," Christina says, while Zeke replies "No problem, Four." I don't think he will ever stop calling me that. Uriah never did either.
My smile falters at the memory of Uriah. Zeke forgave me a long time ago, as did Hana, but it look a lot longer for me to forgive myself.
Christina and Zeke stay a little longer, and then I walk them to the door when they leave.
"Tell everyone I said thanks," I say.
"We will," Christina promises. I watch them walk down the corridor of the apartment block before closing the door. I sigh, and then I go into the bathroom and switch on my razor, ready to crop my hair again. An Abnegation habit that I don't think I'll ever lose.
When I'm done, I run my hands over my head just to be sure I didn't miss anything, though I know I haven't. I walk back into the room and pick up the two photographs. I lie down on the couch on my side and place them on the floor so that I can see them until I fall asleep.
I let memories of Tris flow into my mind, let them wash over me; let them remind me of everything she was, everything she could have been.
When I drift off the sleep, Tris enters my dreams again.
But this time, she isn't dying or already dead.
This time she stands in front of me, looking the same as she did the last time I saw her, just as I remember her.
"Tobias," she says.