We all sat in the lounge awaiting Grissom and our assignments. Sophia came in smiling as she greeted people around the room. I watched her as she sat near me on the couch. Grissom came in with the assignments standing at the doorway.
"Before we hand out assignments I need to make an announcement," He said "As you know Sophia is moving back to the police department so we will be shorthanded for a while. Also I would like to announce that she has consented to be my wife."
Everyone gasped including me. Sophia stood smiling as others hugged her and shook hands with Grissom. I felt sick to my stomach as I stood leaving the room.
"Sara?" Grissom called, looking at me. "Where are you going?"
"I need to go to the bathroom." I said
"Don't be long."
I nodded running to the bathroom. I threw up several times crying. I washed my face looking in the mirror seeing a heartbroken woman. I went by myself to a scene. As I got out of the Tahoe I saw the police cars flickering. I walked past them to the dark house not seeing anyone around. A bad feeling came over me and I dropped my case taking out my gun.
"Hello!" I yelled
When no one answered I stood still thinking then I slowly moved to the house. I could hear what sounded like someone moaning in pain.
"Hello?" I called out.
"Help!" A man cried, inside the house.
"Where are you?" I asked, looking around the corner.
"By the door!" He said
I carefully walked over to the porch when I head a man yelling.
"No….please….nooooooo!"
Then a gunshot rang out. A person inside started shooting out at me. I ducked below the porch shaking as I shot at the person. I got my cell phone out dialing the 911.
"911 please state your emergency." A woman said
"This is CSI Sidle. I am being shot at by someone in a house. I need immediate assistance!"
As I said that I was hit in the shoulder. The impact made me fly backwards on the ground dropping my phone and losing my gun. The man came out of the house coming down the stairs walking over to my phone shooting it watching the parts fly everywhere then he came over to me watching the blood stain my shirt. He aimed his gun at my head hearing police sirens. He looked around then ran off taking a police car.
"Mmm." I moaned, moving my head.
The police cars stopped in a cloud of dirt getting out weapons drawn. Brass ran over while his men surrounded the house. He knelt down to me touching my neck.
He got his phone out.
"This is Captain Brass I need medical assistance at the end of Bloom Road. I have a CSI down!" He said, hanging up. "Hold on, Sara!"
"We have multiple bodies inside all cops." One of his men announced
Brass looked back seeing that there was only one police car already there.
"The suspect must have taken a black and white. Put an APD out on the car!" He shouted
I moved my head coughing. Brass put his hand over my wound. I tried to move but he kept me there. Blood came out of my mouth.
"Sara, don't you dare die out here!" He yelled
Grissom walked into the CSI building after a meeting with Ecklie. His phone went off as he went into his office.
"Grissom." He said
"Gil, its Jim."
By the tone of his friend's voice he knew something happened.
"Sara's been shot."
"What?" Grissom asked, froze by his desk.
"There was a shooting at the crime scene. The suspect shot my guys and Sara then he fled in a patrol car." Brass said, as he stood outside the house. "She's was just taken by ambulance. It's not good."
"I'll be there." Grissom said
He hung up seeing Sophia come in.
"Want to have dinner?" She asked
"Honey, I have to go to the hospital. Sara was shot."
Sophia looked at him in shock watching him go past quickly. He stood at the entrance watching people being brought in on gurney's then he saw me being carried in. He walked along side hearing the people around him talking. I was white with an oxygen mask over my mouth. He saw all the blood scared. He waited outside the door he could not go in when a woman came out in nurse's scrubs looking at him.
"Are you Mr. Grissom?" She asked
"Yes, how is Sara?"
"She is in recovery. The doctor will come out and give you more information." She said, before leaving. Grissom sighed wishing the doctor would come out.
Later he was led to a room where they had put me. I was in a private room sleeping in a bed. Grissom walked over seeing that my skin looked gray. He looked over at the heart monitor next to the bed on the other side hearing the slow beat. Hesitantly he touched my limp hand lying beside my covered body feeling the warmth. It reassured him that I was alive.
"The doctor said you were very lucky." He said, as he looked at me. "You have to stay here for a while and I know you are going to fight over that."
He sighed looking at me in silence rubbing my fingers. I moved my head causing Grissom to step closer to the bed.
"Sara?"
I slowly opened my eyes feeling a weight pulling them down again. I fought to open my eye lids seeing him.
"It's Grissom." He said
"Grissssum." I said, dazed.
"Yes, you are in the hospital."
I closed my eyes again letting the darkness take over. When I woke again a little more alert I saw he was gone. I looked around seeing a woman nurse come in checking my IV asking me if I was in any pain.
The next time I woke up there were baskets of flowers everywhere. I looked at all of them seeing the door open. Brass came in smiling at me.
"You look like your old self."
"I've felt better." I said
"I see you have had visitors."
"I wasn't awake for any of them." I said
"Listen, I know you are still recovering, but do you remember anything before the shooting?"
I looked at him trying to remember.
"A voice…inside the house."
"Who?"
"I….don't know….I heard a gunshot then….nothing."
"When did the shooting begin?"
"Right after I think."
He nodded looking over as Grissom came in.
"Do you remember what the man looked like?" He asked
"No."
"Okay, when you get better we'll talk again." He said, patting my hand. "I'll see you at the lab, Gil."
"Okay."
Brass waved then left. Grissom walked over to the bed sitting in a chair.
"How are you today?"
"Better, why are you here?"
"To see you." He said
"Your going to make Sophia jealous." I said
"She understands."
"I know I didn't tell you before, but I am happy for you." I said, lying.
"Thank you." He said
We looked at each other in silence.
"I am really tired." I said
"I will go then." He said, standing.
I watched him leave. Looking to the side I wiped a tear from my cheek. As another week went by I went home resting and bored. Grissom allowed me back three weeks later with the doctor's okay. I was put on lab duty so Grissom could watch me. One day I walked into his office seeing him kissing Sophia. I froze making a sound and they both moved looking over at me.
"Sorry." I said
"That's all right." He said, letting his fiancé go to focus on me. I gave him the paper I had watching Sophia circle around his desk and sit in his chair.
Grissom looked over the paper handing it back to me.
"Ask Greg to help you with the evidence then go home." He said
"I can do it." I said, shrugging my shoulders.
"Ask Greg to help you." He said, in his boss voice. "You are not going to fight me on this are you?"
"No." I said
"Good."
He watched me nod at him then I walked out. Sophia looked at him as he turned looking at her.
"Are we going to my place after shift?" She asked
"If you want." He said
When I came back to his office he was alone working. I crept in quietly seeing him look up at me.
"What's up?" He asked
"Greg and I finished the evidence."
"Find anything?" He asked, sitting back in his seat.
"Maybe."
"Are you going home?"
I walked over to his desk.
"I was wondering if you…would like to….eat at that diner down the street."
He flexed his jaw taking his glasses off.
"Are you asking me out?"
"I thought since you were kind enough to come see me at the hospital that I could thank you by having something to eat." I said, looking at him.
"Sara, I have to decline." He said
I nodded.
"That's all right. I have to go." I said, leaving quickly.
Leaving work I went to a bar drinking my weight in shots. As I sat at the bar I looked at the empty glass in front of me. In my mind I kept thinking about my mother saying that I would always be the ugly duckling.
My cell phone ringing made me jump. I picked it up seeing the blurry name come up on the screen.
"Sidle." I said
"Sara, it's Grissom I decided to take you up on your offer." He said
"My…what?"
"Where are you?" He asked, hearing loud music.
"Ah….I am at a bar." I said
He looked at his watch hearing men close by me.
"I…was thirsty." I said
"Which bar are you at?"
I looked around not seeing any signs.
"What bar is this?"
Someone yelled the name out.
"The Cooper Bar." I said
"I'll be there in two minutes." He said, before hanging up.
"My boss is coming, give me another." I said
Grissom came in seeing me sitting at the bar drinking. I saw him and smiled.
"Have a seat." I said, almost falling off mine.
He walked over helping me back on my seat.
"You look like you have had enough." He said
"Everyone this is my boss!" I yelled
Grissom looked around seeing men waving at their seats.
"Let me take you home." He said
"I don't want to go home!" I said
"Sara."
He took my arm taking me outside. I struggled against him as he led me to his car.
"Wait I have my car." I said
He got his phone out calling someone. I sat in his car as he waited. A car drove up behind Grissom's and Greg came out of the passenger side.
"Drive to Sara's." Grissom said, throwing him the keys.
Grissom opened the door on his side getting in looking over at me sleeping against the window. He leaned over putting my seat belt over me then he started the car. He stopped the car seeing my car parking along side. Greg came out seeing Grissom coming around to my side.
"Is Sara okay?" Greg asked
"Help me." Grissom said, opening the door letting Greg pick me up walking behind Grissom up to my place. He had Greg set me on my bed then he sighed. "I'll take you back to the lab."
"Shouldn't one of stay with her?"
"She'll be fine."
Greg watched Grissom walk out of the room then he walked out. Grissom came over to Sophia's half an hour later getting into bed with her.
"Is everything all right?" She asked, mumbling in the pillow.
"It is now." He said, kissing her head.
I woke the next day with no memory of how I came home. My head split as I called in sick. Laying on the couch I tried to not think about throwing up. The TV was a distraction and then the doorbell went off. I winched as I sat up walking like a zombie to the door.
Grissom watched me open it looking like a person with a severe hangover. I eyed him angry that he had made me get up.
"Why are you here?" I asked
"I was concerned and decided to come to check on you." He said
"I'm fine." I said
"Can I come in?"
"No." I said "I don't feel up to visitors."
"I won't stay long."
"Look I don't want to sound rude, but I really don't want to see you."
"Okay." He said, nodding.
"Bye." I said, closing the door.
He looked at the door not satisfied. I laid on the couch with my blanket hearing my door close. I moaned putting the blanket over my head as Grissom walked over sitting on a chair.
"Sara, I came to talk."
"Leave me alone!" I cried, moving to my side.
"No Sara, I want to talk about you."
I lowered the blanket looking at him.
"You want to talk about me?"
"Yes, I want to know how you are doing." He said, looking at me.
"I told you I was fine." I said
"I don't think you are."
I sat up sighing.
"So we are going to play Doctor Grissom and his patient?"
"I don't think this is a game. I am concerned about you."
I put my head in my hands closing my eyes.
"Grissom, there is nothing wrong with me. I am fine, so you can stop being concerned and just relax."
"What if I don't want to stop?" He asked
I raised my head looking at him.
"Being concerned."
I didn't say a thing as he recovered by standing.
"We can talk more at the office. I have to go."
I watched him leave quickly.
A month later we all were working the same case. The murder of an entire family was always difficult. We quickly realized that this one was not going to be easy. Grissom told us it was a hit. I went up the stairs of the house looking at the stairs.
"Sara?" Grissom called, standing outside a bedroom door. "I need you to help me."
"Okay." I said, coming in the bedroom with him.
"I am going over the scene involving the wife," He said "and I need you to be the wife."
"Sure."
"Stand in front of me." He said, watching as I moved facing him. "I think she woke up and saw that man at the doorway. She screams getting up out of bed. He grabs her arms."
Grissom grabbed my arms.
"She struggles and he drops her to the floor." He said, making me go down on the floor. "She lays on her back and he leans over her."
I watched him kneel down leaning over me.
"He puts his hands on her neck and starts to strangle her."
"She must have struggled." I said
"It doesn't matter if I sit on you and put all my weight on your arms you can't move to escape." He said, sitting over my stomach putting his knees on my arms. "Can you move?"
I tried not doing well.
"No, except my legs."
I felt him move his knees and body off me. He stood taking my hand helping me up. As I stood we were very close to one another. Grissom searched my eyes as I searched his. He slowly moved his head closer to mine. I looked at his lips. He stopped just an inch away breathing out. I blinked breaking the spell.
"I better go….and work." I said, leaving. He watched me go silently.
He looked at a paper in the lab later that shift. I walked in the room bumping into him.
"Sorry." I said, moving past him. He left as I grabbed a paper from the printer.
Sophia kissed his ear at his home as they sat on his couch. He watched TV with his feet up on the coffee table. She laid her head on his shoulder sighing.
"I was thinking about your suggestion about just going down to the court house." She said
"It would be easier." He said
"I know."
"We can think about it a little more."
He said, patting her leg. He got up yawning.
"I am going to bed."
"I'll be in soon." She said
He leaned down kissing her then he went to the bedroom. He laid down on his side looking at the ceiling.
He walked down the hallway looking for Greg and I coming into the lounge he saw Greg.
"Hey, where is Sara?"
"She is in the locker room." Greg said, as he got his lunch out of the fridge.
Grissom walked to the locker room seeing me sitting on the bench looking down.
"Hey." He said
I jumped up looking over at him quickly wiping my face.
"Hey."
"You okay?" He asked, leaning against the lockers.
"Yeah, what did you need?" I asked
"I wanted to know what you found on the carpet."
"An unidentified hair." I said
"Did it have a skin tag?"
"No." I said, wiping my cheek again.
"Sara, what is wrong?"
"Nothing." I said, looking down.
"Something is."
"I'm fine." I said, walking past him. He caught my arm making me face him. I felt his hand touch my chin making me look at him. He looked at my red eyes with tear streaks going down my cheek.
"Talk to me."
His hand slid up my cheek resting on it. I closed my eyes not wanting to open them.
"Let's go to my office and talk." He said
I opened my eyes letting him lead me out to the hallway. He shut the door behind us then faced me. I wiped another tear from my cheek.
"Sit down." He said
I walked over to the couch sitting. He walked over sitting as well.
"My life seems to be…going in circles." I said "I never get anywhere."
He silently looked at me.
"My mother has been on my mind lately. She always put me down telling me I was an ugly duckling."
"Sometimes that can be from jealousy." He said
I nodded sniffing. He reached over putting his hand on mine. I put my hand to my face crying. Grissom looked at me with sadness as he hesitantly came closer to me holding me. I put my head against his chest shaking.
"You are not an ugly duckling." He said
Later Grissom picked up his phone looking at the id the placing it to his ear.
"Hey you." Sophia said, as she stood in a crime scene parking lot.
"Hey, where are you?"
"I am on the strip in a parking lot." She said "I miss you."
"I need to cancel later."
"Why?"
"Something important came up."
"Gil." She said
"I'm sorry."
"I know."
"Keep the key under the mat."
"Okay, bye."
"Bye." He said, hanging up looking over at me sleeping on his couch next to him. He spent the remainder of his shift watching me. When I began to move he stood going to his desk.
I opened my eyes seeing I was in his office. I sat up touching my hair seeing him at his desk.
"What time is it?" I asked
"About six." He said
"I'm sorry." I said, standing.
"That's okay, why don't we get something to eat?" He said, standing.
I looked at him.
"Did you just say let's get something to eat?"
"Yes."
"Okay." I said, in shock.
He drove us to a diner and as we waited on our food he looked outside then at me.
"How are you?" He asked
"Fine." I said
"Is that your favorite word?"
"No." I said
He smiled as I looked out the window. We took me back to the lab opening my door letting me out. I noticed he was standing close to me.
"Thank's." I said
What he did next was so out of character for him. He closed the distance kissing me. I hesitated for a second then I lost myself in the kiss. He groaned putting his hands on my back and I put mine around him. The kiss grew deeper and heated. I moved away breathing fast as he looked at me.
"I…have to go." I said, getting out of his embrace running to my car.
Sophia moved in bed feeling an empty spot on the other side. She lifted her head looking around.
"Gil?"
Grissom laid against on top of my body on the couch in my apartment kissing my lips. It was agonizing the way he savored every kiss. His phone went off and he looked over at his phone on my coffee table. I kissed his ear making him forget the insistent ringing concentrating on me. I gasped as he found my neck.
Sophia paced her living room with the phone to her ear waiting for him to answer. She sighed hearing his answering machine.
Grissom stopped kissing me touching my face as he searched my eyes. I leaned up capturing his lips.
Later we laid together on my bed. Grissom looked at my ceiling as I laid my head on his chest. He touched my hand lying on his chest. I moved again not facing him. He slowly got up so not to wake me. He dressed leaving going home then he went to his office closing the door thinking about what happened. He was confused about me and Sophia. He knew he loved Sophia, but I was the distraction.
Sophia opened his office door as he opened his eyes looking at her. She had her work clothes on looking mad and confused.
"Where were you?" She asked
"There was something I had to do." He said, sighing.
"Work?" She asked
"Yes, and then home."
"You could have come to my place." She said
"Come here." He said
She slowly walked over leaning on his desk taking his hand.
"I think I need some time to think."
"What does that mean?"
"It means that to give myself fully to you I need to lay some demons to rest."
She looked at him.
"How long do you need?"
"Give me a week."
"Okay."
She walked out glancing at him.
I came to work feeling my heart race as I saw him come into the lounge. He looked over at me as I stood listening to the news from the TV.
"Sara?"
I turned looking at him.
"You left." I said
"I had to go home and change. Could we talk?"
"Sure."
He walked me to his office closing the door. I walked over putting my arms around his neck kissing him. He moved back and I looked at him confused.
"What's wrong?"
"Sara, I want you to know that I had a good time, but I can't do that anymore." He said
I let my arms slide off him as I looked at him stone faced.
"I love Sophia and I care about you."
"Why did you do it?"
"Do what?"
"Why did you kiss me then follow me home?"
"I don't know why." He said
"Was it out of pity?"
"No, Sara." He said, trying to grab my hand. I snatched it away glaring at him.
I felt tears start to come down my cheeks. He watched me swipe them off with force.
"Sara, I…I didn't mean to….."
"What hurt me? Do me a favor and leave me alone!" I said, running out the door slamming it shut. Grissom sighed looking at the door.
I ran out the side door crying hitting the building wall with my fist before sliding down. My heart had been ripped out and all I wanted to do was hide.
Catherine came into his office a few hours later seeing him working at his desk.
"Yes?" He said
"Have you seen Sara?"
He looked up seeing she was concerned.
"Sara?"
"Yeah."
"Isn't she working?"
"No, I looked everywhere for her."
Grissom stood walking around the desk getting his cell out. He walked outside seeing my car.
"Come on Sara." He said, as he kept hearing the dial tone.
Catherine watched him look at his phone trying again.
"Gil, do you hear that?" Catherine asked
He looked around listening hearing a loud ringing in the distance.
"That's her phone." He said, walking to the side of the building seeing me sitting against the building holding my head in my hands.
"I'll talk to her." Grissom said
"Okay."
He watched her leave then he walked down the side watching me. I did not move as he came over.
"Sara?" He called "You okay?"
I moved my head up seeing him. He looked at me then down at my left side where my gun laid on the ground next to me.
"Leave me alone." I said, in a weak voice.
"You know I can't do that especially when you have your gun out." He said
I looked down at it slowly taking it in my hand.
"Sara, give me the gun." He said, lifting his hand out.
I looked at him then I lifted my gun looking at it.
He knelt down facing me.
"I know what your thinking and believe me that is not the answer."
"Did you really think I am going to shoot myself?" I asked, sniffing.
"Why do you have it out?"
"I took it and laid it on the ground because it was digging into my leg." I said, slowly getting up placing it in my holster. He took a breath standing.
"Sara, I am sorry."
"Just stop! I don't want to hear it anymore!" I said, walking away. Grissom ran over grabbing my arm.
"I have hurt you and I wanted to apologize."
I looked down as he looked at me.
"I lied to you." I said
"What about?"
I looked at him.
"I was thinking about shooting myself."
"I am glad you didn't."
"I'm not." I said, walking away.
After shift I walked to my car slowly looking down. At home I sat on my chair in the living room staring at the couch. Grissom walked up the stairs of my apartment. He had been thinking about me all shift worried. I opened the door as he knocked seeing him.
"Can I come in?"
"I would rather be alone."
"That is why I am here." He said
I slowly moved so he could come in. He watched me close the door noticing I kept one of my hands behind my back.
"What are you holding?"
"Nothing." I said
He walked over trying to lift my arm and I struggled. He finally managed to lift it up seeing a beer. He looked at me then at the beer.
"Satisfied?" I asked, walking past him.
"Yes."
I walked to the couch drinking. He walked over seeing a pack of beer on the coffee table.
"Stay of leave I don't care." I said
"I'll stay." He said, sitting in the chair.
I gulped down the beer watching TV. He watched me get another can opening it.
"Do we need to talk about this again?" He asked
I shook my head avoiding his stare. He looked over the TV then back at me standing he moved to the couch.
"I am worried about you." He said
I said nothing as he looked over at me.
"I didn't mean to hurt you."
"That's what your good at." I said
"I am not good at hurting people."
"Yes you are." I said
"I never wanted to be." He said
I stood grabbing the pack.
"You can let yourself out." I said, walking to the bedroom. Grissom got up following me. I shut the door behind me locking it. Grissom leaned against it wanting to say something, but he just stood there.
I laid in bed looking at the wall. Grissom leaned his head on the wood door. I grabbed the pillow crying as I heard the door close. The next shift I called in sick.
Grissom came back from a meeting to work at his desk. Sophia came in kissing his head noticing he was glued to the computer.
"What's wrong?" She asked
"Ah, I have to go!" He said, getting up running out. She watched him then looked at the computer.
Dear Grissom,
I have decided to do what I think is best. You told me once that you loved me making me feel like the happiest woman alive. I thought when I moved here to help out that would progress further. Now I know it will never progress.
The last night with you was wonderful and I wish there was some way we could continue, but you have decided. I won't pretend it did not break my heart.
I love you, Grissom and I hope you never blame yourself for what I am about to do. Thank you for the chance.
Sara
Sophia sat in Grissom's chair staring at the email.
Brass ran up the stairs with Grissom and two cops to my apartment. Grissom knocked and when I didn't answer the door the two cops busted the door in.
"Sara!" Grissom called, rushing in looking around.
"Sara!" Brass called
"Bedroom." Grissom said
They opened the door not seeing me. Grissom went to the bathroom door hearing running water. His blood turned cold.
"Sara?" He called, knocking.
"Move!" Brass shouted
Grissom moved as the cops rammed the door breaking it open. They moved as Grissom came in seeing me in the overflowing tub limp. He turned the water off kneeling down to me.
"Sara?" He said, moving my hair from my face. "She is breathing."
"I'll call an ambulance." Brass said
Grissom looked around seeing a bottle of pills. He quickly pulled me out of the water sitting me up against him throwing a towel around my naked body. With his hand he opened my mouth trying to get me to throw up. As he tried I started to gag throwing up in the toilet.
"Ambulance is coming!" Brass said, as he came in.
"Brass get me a glass of warm salt water!" Grissoms said, as he tried again. I threw up again. The salt water made me vomit more.
I was taken to the hospital. Grissom rubbed his hands together as he looked at them in the waiting room. Sophia walked in making him look up. She sat next to him sighing.
"I read the email." She said
"I'm sorry." He said
"I always knew you were hiding something from me."
He sat back taking a breath.
"Gil, do you love her?"
He looked at her then down.
"I kept telling myself that I couldn't and then you came along. I felt a strong attraction towards you, but I know now that it was not love."
She looked down.
"Seeing Sara in that tub limp it….scared me and I wanted to hold her. I can't be in a world that Sara is not in."
"Then you need to be with her."
He looked at her sadly. She slowly took her engagement ring off handing it to him. Then she got up leaving.
I moved a day later feeling someone kissing my head. Opening my eyes I saw a blurry shape leaning over me.
"Sara?"
"Grissom." I said, weakly.
He smiled faintly touching my cheek relieved to see me awake.