Tactics:
Piercing Through My Chest
Rating: K-K Plus
Pairing: Haruka x Kantarou
Warning: BoyxBoy relationships
Disclaim: Do not own the series, I just wish that Tokyo pop would translate them already!!
Summary: There were times that I was betrayed, understand the only reason I don't open myself up to you is because I'm scared in case of hurting you…Kantarou's POV
I'm Just Insecure…
Yes there were times that even I, Ichinomiya Kantarou feels so insecure of who he is sometimes. It just scares me so much that I keep thinking that maybe I'm not who I think I am, when I was a kid, everyone would always avoid me because of my traits, including the colour of my hair, my eyes and my skin…
They said it was a bad omen for someone who has these traits, my grand father died at a certain age, they said he passed away, but I knew better than that. My father left us when I was very young and my mother tried to make ends meet, from job to job and from man to man, once they see me though they immediately disappear without a trace…
Sometimes I think I'm the reason for my mother's failed relationships and hard way of living, sometimes I wondered if I never existed then she would've lived a normal life
I continued to fiddle with the pen that was locked in my fingers, trying to think up an idea for this manuscript, it was getting noisy, Hasumi has decided to bug me, he's sitting behind me complaining about how I kidnapped his daughter, Haruka is on the rooftop, trying to block out any sounds, I wish that I could do that sometimes…
Youko is busy trying to calm Hasumi down and Sugino is back with his accusations too not to mention Reiko is whining behind me about the manuscript, it's hard to think and in some cases it's hard to breathe with this much noise and stress that continued to build up within my chest.
Understand when I say that even I have my limits with this much snapping and being accused of things I had nothing to do with.
"Sensei! Finish that manuscript!"
"Kantarou where's Muu-chan!"
"Ichinomiya!" I can't take it anymore, I placed a hand unto my forehead, and it's starting to hurt my head, all this yelling and complaining, it's driving me to the deep end, not literally of course.
Shut up
"Everyone just calm down" Youko said in a stern voice, I rested my head unto the desk, this was getting very pressuring for my tastes, I don't like this feeling. "Where's Muu-chan!!" I can't take it anymore…
"Sensei, I won't be able to extend the deadline if you keep falling behind!" I just can't…
"What have you done with Rosalie" and then came the sound of a sliding door
"Kantarou what's with all the noise in here? Some people are actually trying to—"
I've had it!
"Enough!!" I snapped, slamming my fists down unto the table, rising to my feet, I've had it, I can't take it anymore. I turned round, everyone seemed to be shocked by my little outburst and to my surprise Haruka has actually entered into the room.
"Reiko I'm trying to work as fast as I can but I can't come up with any ideas if you keep hounding me!" I then pointed a finger to the window behind me where a very cheerful Muu-chan who has been looking in for a while now
"Muu-chan is over there by the window!! I have not kidnapped anybody and Haruka I am sorry that the noise has disrupted your quiet time but I do have a job you know!!" silence reigned for a moment before I realised that there were tears coming down my face, great, I though I got over this by now…
"If anyone needs me I'll be going out for a walk!" I immediately ran out of the room as fast as my legs could carry me, I could hear someone's voice trailing after me but I was so much of a rush I couldn't identify who it belonged too. I just continued to run until I was no longer in the house.
'It's All Your Fault!'
Everyone must've thought I was a mad man by the way I was running, I don't know why but my chest wrenched in pain, all these thoughts racing and spinning I couldn't even separate from what's present and what's in the past anymore.
And that's when…
"Mother…why does everyone look at me funny?" a woman with long black hair looked back at her son, seeing the sad expression that was wrapped around his face, especially the bruises and cuts that appeared on his cheeks and arms. She made a wary sigh, wondering over to him and took his small hands in her own.
They were so small and innocent that she smiled, his hands may have been looking pale, but they were warm and the look in his eyes are innocent even though they were a stunning crimson.
"They just don't understand" she gazed her bright blue eyes into those wonderful crimsons, her left hand letting go of her sons and placing it lightly unto his cheek "They don't understand how special you are" the boy knew that the look in his mother's eyes were not genuine but didn't show that he knew.
'I know that's not the case' he knew how much he looked like the man she loved, he knew that he owned bright red crimsons and silver hair, but he also knew that he looked like his mother as well, his face and gentle traits were that of hers.
"But why do they call me a unholy creature?" he could feel his mother's hand tighten around his own
'I understand if all you want to do is scream at me, to hate me because I'm the cause of all your pain'
"Kantarou…you are you, not an unholy creature, not a monster or anything you are Kantarou and that's all you need to know and hear" her dark hair swayed when she rose to her feet, her hands letting go of his gently
'I know your lying, you think the same way about me too…I don't mind if you hate me'
"Is there something wrong Kantarou?"
'I don't mind if you want to hurt me or kill me, if you were honest then I would've understood yet you lied and I learned from that, that was one trait that I also shamelessly took into account'
Kantarou shock his head trying to pull a smile unto his lips "No nothing at all!"
'And that's how I became the way I am now…'
I took in some deep breathes, taking a break near the cherry blossom tree, great I hate Cherry Blossom trees…well not the fact that it is indeed beautiful it's just that the old stories I hear about there being a corpse under the tree was a bit unsettling for me. My mother use to tell me when I was little…
"Oh come on not a cheery tre—" I plopped down unto the grassy floor, my eyes trailing to the blue skies towering above this city, the city of Tokyo, the country of Japan. I couldn't but close them.
I wonder how far I've ran? I never really slowed down…I don't even know where this place is, I've never seen it before. I'm still trying to regain some breath, my lungs needed the oxygen so badly that I don't even think my legs would move if I didn't. Although, I did wonder how everyone is after that little outburst.
Hm the look on Hasumi's face was especially priceless
The sound of the wind, the songs of the birds, the flapping of tiny wings, I could just sleep here, it was so quiet, so peaceful, even though it happened to be under a cherry tree, it still didn't seem that I would be waking up any time soon. The grass tickled my cheeks, so I couldn't help but smile, it was relaxing.
Then again Peace can't always reign forever
Kantarou stood at the grave to where his mother was put to rest, not many people came to her funeral, just well known friends, his old teacher and child hood friend Yumeyakko stood by his side, trying to comfort him, yet Kantarou knew he was beyond comforting
"Kantarou…aren't you going to say good bye?" Kantarou stood there, he felt numb, he couldn't believe that she was actually gone, the woman who had looked after him and even protected him was gone, he knew how much she lied to him, he regretted not asking her the one question that spun around in his mind for a long time
'Did you wish I never existed?'
"Kantarou" Yakko wrapped her arms around him, he wasn't really any taller back then, Yakko was more taller when they were that age. Kantarou started to shake and shiver, tears threatening to go down his cheeks at any moment but he tried his best to keep them at bay, he tried so hard.
Yakko pulled him closer, he felt so vulnerable in her arms, he felt like he was about to collapse at any moment. "Kantarou, it's okay to let it all out" that was all Kantarou needed, he turned round, returning the hug to his friend, he released all his tears, all his pain filled cries and screams
"W-Why! W-Why did she have to die now!! There were so many questions I wanted to ask her, she must really hate me!!"
'Thump'
"Hm…" I mumbled, slowly opening my eyes, I was actually shocked to see a pair of dark black eyes looking back at me, hands placing either side of my head, I couldn't help but be shocked a bit, knowing who it was, who's body was on top off mine…top off mine…top off
"H-Haruka—"
Haruka edged closer to me and then for some reason his lips were touching mine. Before I knew it his tongue was touching mine, I can't explain it. It just seems to be one of those things that didn't need a reason at all. My head was spinning with countless of thoughts and reasons that I didn't really care anymore.
Then it was over, he broke the kiss, I was still a bit speechless and panting for breath.
"W-What was that f-for" I felt his head resting unto my chest, for some reason, he's acting very strange, this just makes me wonder if this was the real Haruka or not?
"Haruka?"
"I was worried" my eyes felt like they were about to jump out of their sockets, he said that so nonchalantly like he usually did that I didn't think I had heard him. "You looked so sad, so depressed, so stressed…" For some reason he seemed to be intent on removing a piece of my hakama, right at the scar area as a matter in fact. I shivered when he ran his tongue unto my scar, I gasped…
"H-Haruka what's with you? Your acting…" like a pervert came to mind but then again this was a first, so I wouldn't place him in that category…man I must really be stressed for thinking something like that, especially for someone I care for. "Strange" I finished but then gasped once more when he licked my scar again, a bit more forcefully than last time I had come to notice.
"What's on your mind…Kantarou…" He got off me as Haruka sat directly beside me at my left under the cherry tree that continued to rain cherry blossom petals unto us, I continued to stay where I was, but then I turned away from him when I rolled over to my right side. I remained quiet, I didn't want to share my problems, when I was little when I opened up with someone then it always ends badly, there were many times that I was betrayed and stepped on that I was frightened in case that would happen again or I would hurt those around me, it always happened before.
That's why I never told Yakko, that's why I never told Youko…
Or Haruka…
"Nothing…" I muttered, feeling the breeze running through my fingertips, the tiny pieces of grass moving around my open hand, tickling it. For some reason there were sounds of movement, which told me that Haruka was moving closer to me. I don't think he believes me…
"You're lying" he puts it blankly
And that's where I felt his arm wrapping my waist, pulling me closer to him "Let go…" I muttered weakly, I really wasn't up for this, I'm not up for the usual confrontation that we would both have at this moment, my heart was racing, I could feel it's beats getting faster and faster as if it was about to jump out of my chest at any moment.
"Just tell me" he whispered in my ear. Why is he…
"Why are you being so persistent for? You're not usually like this Haruka? Why are you so interested? Why do you care?" My face was turning red; I clasped my hands over my eyes to hide the tears that dared to escape all in the while Haruka just gripped me tighter. "I don't know why?" was his reply "I just am, I won't let you go until you tell me what's on your mind" How can he say that so calmly?
I felt myself shivering, almost crumbling m soul into his hands, I sobbed and gagged softly. "A-Am I really…who I think I am?" Kami-sama I feel like a scared, whimpering child when asking Haruka that. There was silence that surrounded us for hours the music of the birds and the sounds of the running wind that blew past us. I placed my hand over my mouth, thinking it was some way of controlling myself from falling apart.
"Kantarou…what?"
"Am I really Ichinomiya Kantarou? Or am I some bad omen?" I whimpered, the words from the past slowly coming back to haunt me, to drown me in their depressing blue depths "Kantarou" I choked out an apology immediately before giving Haruka the chance of saying anything.
"I'm sorry Haruka but there were times that I was betrayed, understand the only reason I don't open myself up to you is because I'm scared in case of hurting you…" I know he was going to say that I was being a baby, acting like a silly child who's getting worried or thinking of these things that would come up randomly. That was until a hand placed itself lightly on my shoulder before turning my body completely round towards him and a pair of lips dared touch mine, drowning me down in its promises of comfort
My eyes went wide before they closed softly and I found myself calming down, that's when our lips broke apart and I was staring into dark black eyes covered in black strands of hair tinted in green
"You are you, you are Ichinomiya Kantarou and if someone says something different then I will prove them wrong…" he connected our lips again and I began to wonder, maybe it is that simple
Maybe…
That's the End?
Youkai Of Hearts: I know I'm just that evil, Kya!! I'm not very sure on this fic, maybe I made it a bit confusing, I don't know I feel like I made Haruka and Kantarou way out of Character and I am sorry about having Ryokan and the others as minor characters, but it was my first time writing Ryokan and Reiko a big bad on my part…
Before anyone points it out (Again) but my English IS terrible and this IS coming from someone who has done her GCSE's (God forbid) please don't point that out…
It really does make me sad and breaks my spirit a little, but I will Not Give Up
Youkai Of Hearts Out!!