Summary: Sam is insecure about his sexuality so when he falls for a male friend he suppresses as many feelings as he can. This goes on after he graduates. When he meets Elliot the singer soon realises that Sam likes guys and suggests they hook up to relieve some tension while they can't have the guys they actually want. (Eventual Blam.)
Notes: I don't have to mention this, it's self-evidently, but Blam is endgame. In the beginning it will be platonic, though, and there will be other pairings with both Blaine and Sam. Be patient… and bear with the angst.^^
Other unimportant stuff: There will be NO Samcedes. Not Tina-friendly, too, but that doesn't even need to be warned I just keep to canon.
The beginning is set around 5x01/5x02 but from there on I will follow canon only if it suits me.
Starts with Lima, NY & Elliot-storyline will start only in later chapters.
Rated M just to be sure.
Save The Last Dance For Me
"I pick Sam because he is the least gay and the least Asian."
Sam's chest tightened. There was no reason to think about that right now. He had agreed to be at Tina's disposal for prom if she wanted to (well she had been supposed to pick Blaine, for heaven's sake!) so he would.
The least gay, yeah. If she only knew. Sam snorted disbelievingly to himself as he got out of his letterman jacket and threw it vaguely into the direction his desk chair stood. The jacket fell to the floor though. Sam lay down on his bed, on his stomach, and grabbed his phone.
It had been the most exhausting week ever. They had been to Westerville, Dayton and Akron to ask their opponent show choir clubs to help them – Blaine to be specific – with a proposal. They had agreed and the shit had gone down today. Kurt had said yes. Now, Sam was really happy for his best friend and the former McKinley student, sure. But right now all he wanted to do was sleep. Watching gay couples was weird. It made Sam's guts a bit groggy because… because… he didn't know and he didn't want to find out. But he had to gulp things down. He knew that theoretically every teenager had the possibility of experimenting with someone of his own gender and that didn't have to mean anything. But it was weird and strange and could be pushed aside completely. Hopefully.
Dude what a crazy week right? wanna relax tomorrow? he tipped into Whats-App and immediately sent it.
Yeah y not.
Cool.
Sam pleaded his lips and grinded his jaw. Should he write something else? What would they do? Should he plan something?
Before he could decide another text came in, this one from Blaine.
Sam, I'm SO happy!
Hey, great! Glad ur happy.
Sam rolled his eyes. If Blaine was so happy why didn't he tell Kurt? Seriously.
Yeah, okay. Sam was a little jealous. They were happy together and he? He had to go to prom with the queen bee of all bitches. But no. No thinking about that. Tomorrow would be good, tomorrow would relax him. Now, should he plan something? They could watch a movie or maybe go to Breadstix.
Sam nodded to himself. Good idea. Food and everything. His stomach tingled a bit and made him smile. Yeah, see, the relaxation part had already begun!
Sam laid his phone aside, rolled on his back and exhaled. He heard a far-away cry from his brother – Stevie went through a phase – and closed his eyes in order to ignore it. Yes, he was glad his family had moved back to Lima last year but especially his younger siblings sometimes were annoying and Sam missed living with the Hummel-Hudson's.
Soon enough it was Saturday and Sam stood in front of his cupboard. He wanted to look nice, stylish and neat but not like he had put effort into his appearance. It was just a bro-hang so… yeah. What else!? Tsk, right, stupid implication that it could be something else because it could not. And what else anyway!?
Sam rolled his eyes to his mirror image and grasped a green sweater. That would be it. No second guessing.
Shit. Sam's hands were sweaty. He should have not suggested going to Breadstix because it was weird. People were chattering and eating and drinking, and stuff like that, and Sam felt like everybody here was on a date and would now assume they were, too. This was so stupid since Ryder kept on babbling about football and something that included playgirls with big boobs and pretzels. His short brown hair looked fabulous, though, and Sam was sure it would also smell fantastic if he would get close enough to –
Okay, whoa, stop that now. Sam smiled and nodded at Ryder. See, this was the kind of thoughts that had to be suppressed. It was gay. It's not like he hated gay people but there was no need to be one of them. And he couldn't even be one of them since he had been in love with girls before. And he still looked at them on TV and everything. When boys were shirtless he only looked to compare their bodies to his. No other reason.
"I'm thinking about asking Unique to go to prom with me", Ryder said.
"Cool, man, go for it", Sam automatically said. He took a bread stick and bit into it. "Wait, since when… I thought you hated her for cat-fishing you?"
"In case you didn't notice I don't anymore. I also didn't resign Glee club as announced…?"
"Oh. Yeah."
Ryder took a deep breath and nodded with a happy smile on his face. Damn, he was cute.
"Though it still freaks me out a little that she… you know… has, uhm…" Ryder pursed his lips and looked at the table. Sam frowned questioningly.
Ryder leaned forward and whispered: "Has male parts, you know. I mean… does that make me gay or…?"
A hot wave rolled up Sam's torso and neck and warmed up his cheeks. Gay!?
"I don't know?"
Ryder nodded insecurely and then was silent because the waitress brought them their food. Sam ate his salad with chicken slices but his throat was so dry he had to drink a lot of water to push it down.
"I just don't understand", Ryder said when the heavy atmosphere hadn't lifted after many silent moments. "Why he wants to be a she so badly. Or why I like… her. Him? It's not like I have something against gay people but I never thought that would even remotely… uh, apply to me."
"Oh my God, yes! Me, too!"
Sam smacked his mouth in the same moment Ryder tore open his eyes.
"What?"
"I mean I would think exactly the same in your situation."
Ryder took, like, five seconds to close his mouth and breathe again. Eventually he glanced around, leaned forward and very quietly said: "Blaine?"
"Huh? Blaine?" Sam repeated. Yes, Blaine was very gay. They all knew that. But Sam hadn't even thought about talking to him. For various reasons that wasn't the best idea ever, starting with the fact that there was nothing to talk about!
Ryder sighed. "I'm so sorry, Sam, it must be hard for you with him getting engaged and everything."
Sam nodded, wetted his lips and narrowed his eyes.
"Thanks. Uhm, but why is that hard for me?"
And how were they talking about Blaine and Kurt now when they needed to talk about Ryder's possible gayness?
Ryder frowned. "Well, with you being in love with Blaine and all."
Sam narrowed his eyes even more. He wanted to laugh but the impulse was drowned by the realisation that Ryder had nothing against the fact – well the possibility! – that Sam could like boys.
"I'm not in love with Blaine. I'm not in love with anybody and I only go to prom with Tina because she picked me."
"If you're not in love with him then why did you say it?"
"Say what?" Damn, they were supposed to talk about Ryder!
Ryder tried to stare Sam down. Nothing felt right and Sam's hands got even wetter. He put down his cutlery and gulped. He might as well… hint that… that…
But there was nothing to talk about!
"Anyway", Ryder said, only reluctantly releasing Sam from his gaze. "Do you think she will say yes? Unique? After all it's next week already."
"Wait and see." Oh, that had sounded rough. Sam drank a sip from his water and then even more until the glass was empty. Shit, nothing was right. He wanted to go home. He wanted to hide under his blanket and cry. But even more so he wanted to talk about Ryder's possible gayness and maybe, well, see if Ryder wanted to… to… find out… Sam could help him. Just some experimental stuff.
But they left the restaurant without talking deeply about that topic and suddenly Sam was not in the mood for a movie anymore. He just went home and sat on his bed, staring into space for a long time. It was exhausting. To keep those thoughts at bay. Fantasies… So maybe he wanted to experiment. That wasn't bad, right? It wouldn't mean he would turn gay, right? Or actually do something with another boy. He could just think about things… or… maybe…
Sam puckered his lips and glanced at the door. His parents were still awake, it was only ten p.m. His siblings were in bed already, though, and Sam knew his parents wouldn't check on him or come in unannounced. So yeah. He closed the door completely and booted up his laptop.
It wasn't hard to find gay porn at all, not at all. Bless the internet. Alright. The kissing wasn't that weird. Sam had seen gay people kiss before. Well, okay, just Blaine and Kurt but they counted. Though… oh God. His friends had never done this in front of Sam's eyes!
He spend the next half hour watching with his eyes only minimal opened – he couldn't watch all of it but he didn't want to stop it, too. These men were really into dicks. They liked having them in their mouths and asses. Sam's own dick, well, it didn't get hard at the sight. Come one, this was weird and strange and… but okay, it did lift its head a bit to sneak a peek.
Still, the porn didn't do it for Sam. He switched it off and thought about Ryder's hair. Hair was such a nice thing to think about. Was that weird, too? Sam had always liked people's hair. Girls hair smelled fantastic and who said it wasn't the same with guys?
To continue his experiment Sam slid his hand into his trousers and played a bit. It was okay to think about friends, right? So… Ryder coming in, telling Sam he needed to try something. They'd kiss, they'd roll around on the bed and Sam would touch the others' ass…
He bit his lip and gulped down all noises as his hand got faster. It didn't take long and his body shuddered with short-dated happiness. Sam pressed his face into the matrass and moaned until his pants were full of hot liquid. He waited a few moments to catch his breath, then he got up and went to the bathroom.
There still was nothing to talk about.
It wasn't like Sam wanted to know explicit things but he was allowed to be curious about his best friend's life, wasn't he?
"So how does it work with gay marriage? Do you take his last name or does he take yours or do you both hyphenate?"
"Right now I'm honestly just excited that Kurt said yes", Blaine said while aimlessly playing on the piano. Sam lay on said thing and listened to the notes right under his head. These stopped abruptly now.
"Hey, are you looking forward to prom?" Blaine's voice asked. Sam frowned at the choir room ceiling. This again. Did they have to talk about it?
"I fell asleep last night while Tina was texting me about her prom dress", Blaine continued. "It's really nice of you going with her, by the way."
Oh, what the heck. He could fill Blaine in.
"Yeah, I guess so. Just… I don't know, it's my senior prom so I kind of wish I was going with somebody I really care about."
Others voices were increasing in the choir room so Sam sat up, assuming Glee club was about to start.
"Damn, I have been seriously unlucky in love", he said to himself. And it was true. Hey, maybe that was the reason he… had thought about those things on the weekend. Not because he had gay genes in him but because he was desperate!
He didn't get nominated for prom king but Tina for prom queen. And in that very second she knew it she told him their deal was off. Wow. Okay. Alright. Sam tried to digest it while she started to sing. Sure, he hadn't wanted to… but getting ditched, well, that didn't exactly rock either.
During lunch break he saw Ryder talking to Unique. Did he ask her out now?
"Hey, are you okay? That really wasn't nice of Tina."
Sam turned to the other side of his locker and shrugged.
"Yeah, well, it's not like I really wanted to go with her", he said.
"Is there someone who you really want to go with?" Blaine asked while putting a book into his locker.
Sam restrained himself from looking over his shoulder because he did not want to go to prom with Ryder. Come on.
"No. I'll just settle without a date."
"If you want to we can go together. As friends."
Sam nodded before the words arrived in his brain. Wait, what?
"Dude, but I'm not gay!"
"I know you are not, Sam. As I said, as friends." Blaine lifted his eyebrows. "I'm happily engaged and I don't crush on you anymore if that's what you're afraid of."
"I'm not afraid, it's just… It could make the wrong impression?"
Blaine shrugged. "It was just a thought. Of course we can both go dateless."
"Yeah." Sam nodded. He closed his locker and glanced over his shoulder. Speaking of crushes. This was weird and strange, once again, but Sam kind of… well he did… have a …? No. Nonsense. Nothing to talk about.
He cleared his throat and glanced at Blaine who now closed his own locker and returned the look, questioningly lifting his eyebrows in response to it.
Should Sam tell him? But how? What? No. There was nothing – oh for heaven's sake, okay, there was something to talk about! But… what and how would Blaine… like… react to it? He was gay, sure, but Sam was supposed to be the straight one.
"Sam?"
"Yeah, uhm." Sam nodded. That was his name, alright. He looked over his shoulder once again only to discover his friends weren't there anymore.
"What I said about having been unlucky in love, do you think that's kind of a curse that will continue forever and I will only crush on people who are like unreachable and not playing in my league?" Sam cast out without taking a break.
Blaine's eyes went all empathetic.
"No. I think you will find someone who returns your affections soon. Is it the school nurse?"
"Uhm, what?"
Sam looked around. Oh, the new school nurse stood where Ryder and Unique had stood before. Sam shook his head to Blaine.
"I can't talk about this here in school."
Blaine agreed to meet after school at his place and then Sam went on to his next class. Now it really was a gift of the heavens that he had most of his classes with Ryder. But it also was a curse since it confronted Sam nonstop with his recently developed weirdness. He could've used a break, you know?
"So, uhm, did you, like… ask her?" Sam jumped up as soon History was over and walked out next to Ryder.
"I sure did", Ryder grinned. Damn, that was a bad sign.
"She said yes? Cool, man."
Ryder nodded and Sam puckered his lips. It's not like he would have wanted to go to prom with Ryder. That would've been way too much. But…
"And about… you know? That thing?" Sam asked.
They walked down the hall, once again approaching the lockers.
"I don't know. It's still creeps me out but I figure… we can talk and stuff."
Sam nodded. "And would you kiss her?"
Ryder pulled a face into his locker, then he turned around and faced Sam.
"Why are you so curious, man?"
"Because I am!"
Ryder looked contemplatively at Sam and Sam would've lied if he had said it didn't agitate some things in him. He thought about Saturday night and felt the heat from what he had done coming right up into his cheeks.
"Do you want to talk about it later? After school?" Ryder asked.
"Yes! Uhm,I mean, okay, if you insist."
Ryder raised his eyebrows and Sam decided he had said too much already. He set up a time, went to his own locker and only clenched his fist in a victory gesture when he pretended to be busy with his books.
He had just one class left and that he spend with a whole ant army in his pants. As soon as the bell rang he was up and out of the door. The book came into his locker and the door got slammed.
"Blaine, I can't make it", Sam announced as his best friend approached his own locker. "Something came up."
"Yeah?"
Sam nodded. "It's important, too."
Wait – was it? Like really important? It was just Ryder so…
"Then make the best of it", Blaine suggested.
Sam nodded again but suddenly he was afraid. What was his intention if he'd spend the afternoon with Ryder? Clearly nothing honourable. That was bad in itself but things would be so much worse if Ryder would… too… but he didn't. He never would. He liked Unique. So what was the point anyway? Sam would only set himself up for more disappointment!
"You'll tell me about it tomorrow?" Blaine asked.
"I guess so, yeah."
Sam spotted Ryder from a distance and since he wasn't ready yet to let Blaine know what he was all excited about he left his best friend and went to the brunette boy.
"Okay, so, now talk."
Ryder settled down on his bed, bit into a chocolate bar and offered Sam one, too. However, Sam was too confused to pay attention it.
"Talk about what?"
"Whatever you need to talk about."
"I just wanted to know how you feel about that whole Unique thing."
"Uhu, okay, and why?"
"Why why?"
Ryder rolled his eyes. "No one is that curious about something if it isn't about something that concerns them, too."
"Wow, man, you're so… wise."
Sam really meant it but Ryder only rolled his eyes once again.
"Do you think you're gay now?" Sam asked in lack of other thoughts. Of course that was highly stupid, highly. Ryder just frowned, anyhow.
"Because, you know, Unique's physic is a guy ones' and… you know", Sam said.
Ryder crumbled the paper from his chocolate bar and threw it to the bin that stood underneath his desk. He missed for miles but he didn't seem to care. He shrugged.
"I can't tell. And you know what, maybe it doesn't matter. What really counts is love."
"Wow, you're so…" Sam bit his lip. Wise, yeah, they'd been there. Ryder's lips were really pink, though. Like… how would it be to kiss them? Oh God, what was he thinking about?
Sam looked into Ryder's eyes and pushed a smile in his face.
"Are you gay?" Ryder asked.
"I'm not", Sam assured him. The Saturday night heat was back in his cheeks though. "I just… I…"
Oh God. He should've talked to Blaine first. He couldn't go around confessing things he had never talked about with a safe person, someone who wouldn't laugh or reject Sam. Shit.
Ryder got all silent now, too. His eyes fluttered through the room and he wetted his lips. Sam only saw it per accident, of course.
"Sam, this really… it kind of feels… Is this still about Blaine or…?"
Sam shook his head.
"It has never been about him", he said but then he didn't know how to talk on. He couldn't just go and hit on Ryder. Oh my God! What even… what!? Wow. He was totally out of his mind!
Sam got up. "You know what, I have to go. Speaking of Blaine… I forgot I was supposed to meet him. Sorry."
Ryder watched him as he took his bag and hurried out of the door. Sam glanced back and caught his eyes for a moment and was sure to blush in an even deeper shade of red. Fuck. He was screwed.