The first time she cried in front of him was an accident – she'd never meant to let her feelings show like that, yet there she was, her teeth clenched and hands gripping the back of his shirt, feeling hot tears stream down her face as he whispered in her ear that it would be all right.
It wouldn't be all right, and she knew that. There wasn't enough alchemy in the world to fully bring back the dead, not enough bullets she could fire that would even out the unfairness of war. But it was nice to hear someone lie to her for once, to feel a warm hand stroke her hair like her mother used to when she was a child. And even though the battlefield was as close as it possibly could be, she realized she hadn't felt quite this – this safe since that time. Not since her father's death, at least, what seemed like years ago.
"Riza, shhh- I know, it's killing me too…"
She couldn't respond. A lump had crawled into her throat when her tears had dried up, and she found she couldn't speak easily. Or maybe at all. She didn't want to try.
"It'll be fine. I promise." Even without looking at his face she could tell: it was an obvious lie. He may have been idealistic at times – he'd said that things could change, things could get better – but this wasn't fine. Was never going to be fine.
All she wanted at this very moment was to hold onto him even tighter, to just let something, for once, not be about hitting the target or surviving one more day, for this one thing in her life to please, please work while the rest of it came crashing down in flames.
She bit her lip, staring down at the floor. "Sir…"
"Hm?"
"It- ah. It's nothing." Stepping away, she rubbed her eye with the back of one hand. "I shouldn't have brought it up."
"If you say s—mmmf—"
Just for tonight, she thought. It doesn't have to mean anything – it doesn't have to last or happen again.
"Please, just tonight."