AN- So yeah. This is one of my longer oneshots (almost 3000 words), and I wrote it because I wanted to. It will contain pairings, Roy/Peach and Marth/Samus (though Marth/Samus is more implied), and it will contain an idiot going by the name of Bowser.

Rated T for numerous violent mentions (like murder!)

Also, I KNOW THAT MARTH IS MARRIED. I KNOW THAT ROY IS WITH WHATEVER THE HECK HER NAME WAS. BUT THIS IS FANFICTION. I THINK I HAVE ENOUGH CREATIVE LICENCE HERE TO BE ABLE TO PAIR WHO I WISH. If you don't like it, please don't review. Thank you.

Anyone reading my other stories that are reading this, I think the story I update next will either be 'The Super Smash Games' or 'Event Mode', because those are the two I have the most inspiration for currently.

Hope you enjoy this oneshot! :D

How did Bowser, King of the Koopas, get into this situation? Sure, it was his fault. But then again, no one ever told him that-

"BOWSER!" The Koopa flinched at the way his name was screamed, running as fast as possible (not very fast, considering how heavy he was) across the Smash Mansion's rolling lawns in the bright midday sun and away from the people chasing him.

As Bowser dodged the high heel whipped at the back of his head, he couldn't help but wonder- Why did he have to get caught up in such a strange case of mistaken identity?

Bowser was bored. Living in the majestic Smash Mansion was nice and all… Every necessity of life provided, entertainment galore…

But the King of the Koopas had been forbidden to do any villain stuff. Master Hand had been very clear in the No Villainous Acts policy, consisting of a few rules which, if broken, would result in expulsion from the tournament.

Rule One- No Killing your Nemesis

Rule Two- No Harming your Nemesis

Rule Three- No even THINKING about inflicting Physical Harm on your Nemesis

Rule Four- No Kidnapping any Female on the Premises

So, Bowser decided to 'bend' the rules.

Standing behind a corner, the Koopa was waiting for the first female to turn the corner. He was in a kidnapping mood, and also in a daring one. The tournament was only two days away, and if he was caught kidnapping a princess (or any female at all) he'd be banned from the tournament.

Shaking himself out of his thoughts, Bowser went back to watching eagerly for the first unlucky female to cross his line of sight, when the sound of light footsteps slowly grew louder. Someone was approaching, and if Bowser had to guess if they were a guy or girl, he'd say girl. No guy he knew had that light a tread.

When the flash of blue turned the corner, Bowser scanned them quickly. Blue hair just to the neck with a little gold tiara nestled within, a lean figure, and pale skin. A princess if the Koopa had ever seen one (which he had). The cape she wore was a nice touch, too. All she was missing was the dress. He remembered seeing her at the newcomer introduction, coming from a universe along with a young man with fiery red hair (his name was Roy, must be her hero). All he remembered about her specifically was that her name was something like "Martha." Smirking, Bowser jumped out from his hiding spot, roaring loudly.

"What the?!" The Princess Martha gasped, and Bowser laughed maniacally before grabbing the woman quickly and throwing her over his shoulder headfirst like a sack of potatoes. "PUT ME DOWN, YOU IDIOT!"

"No can do, fair Princess Martha!" Bowser chuckled evilly, "I need my daily villain quota, which means kidnapping some helpless princess, like yourself!"

"'Princess Martha'?" The blue haired woman asked incredulously from her spot on Bowser's scaly shoulder. "You think I am a princess, you overgrown lizard!?"

"Of course you are!" Bowser said, before whacking her over the head to knock her out. "Good, she'll be quiet now. I can sneak away completely undetected!"

"Oooh, my head…"

"Ahh, sleeping beauty awakens! Welcome to my room, completely outfitted with everything a villain could need! Like chains!"

"Wha…?" Her head was foggy. What had happened to get her here? As the princess opened her eyes slowly and squinted, she could make out the other person in the room. And then all her memories came flooding back.

The Koopa King was sitting on his relatively normal looking bed, staring at the wall where the Princess Martha was chained.

"So?" Bowser sounded eager, "How does it feel to be kidnapped by the greatest villain ever to kidnap?"

"I already told you," the fair maiden groaned, "I'm not a princess! I'm not even fem-"

The Koopa interrupted her with a laugh, "Of course you're a princess! Now, who's your hero? Was it that young man with the red hair from your universe, Roy?"

"NO." The princess growled, pulling at the chains on her wrists wildly. "I didn't even KNOW Roy before this gathering! Now, Bowser, listen closely. I. Am. NOT. Female."

"You didn't know Roy before-" the Koopa started, before what the princess had said sank in. "You remember my name? Oh, that's wonderful! It took Peach kidnapping number four to catch on to my name! Thank you, Martha!"

"Martha?!" The blue haired woman looked like she would murder something, but Bowser wasn't afraid, she was chained to a wall! She couldn't harm anyone at the moment.

A loud cracking sound startled both captor and captive, and they stared at where Bowser's door used to be.

"Bowser," Samus muttered while standing where the door should have been, "you are an idiot."

"Samus!" Bowser leapt to his feet, a thought occurring to him. "If Roy isn't Princess Martha's hero, you must be!" The King ignored the extremely confused looks he was getting and continued, "I mean, look at you, Samus! The very definition of a hero! Epic, awesome metal orange suit, and- most importantly- you're a guy!"

There was a brief moment of silence, the most awkward silence Bowser had ever heard.

"You-" Samus started, but choked midsentence before continuing, "you think I'm a guy?!"

"And he thinks I'm a girl!" Princess Martha groaned, shaking her wrists, "look! He kidnapped me!"

The male warrior looked back and forth between Bowser and Martha before stopping on the Koopa. "As I said before, you're an idiot." The metal clad bounty hunter began approaching the chained damsel before Bowser jumped in between them.

"If you want to save your princess," he growled, ignoring the protests in the background from Martha at being called a princess, "you have to go through me!"

While he seemed annoyed at Samus for interrupting them on the outside, on the inside, he was squealing in joy at finally getting back into the villain game.

Steeling himself, Bowser got ready for the epic battle he was sure to have, like the ones he always had with Mario, when an orange metal fist connected with his nose, sending him to the floor shrieking like a little girl.

"Wimp," Samus muttered whilst searching the room for the keys to the chains restraining his princess. "Any idea where the keys are, Marth?"

"Nope."

"I dooo!" Bowser's singsongy voice rang out, and Samus turned to see Bowser standing once again, holding the keys out to taunt the bounty hunter. "If you want them, you must defeat me in battle! You are the hero, and I the villain! You are the ying to my yang! You are the cherry to my hot fudge!"

"Wait," Samus interrupted, "why am I the cherry? Why can't I be the hot fudge?"

"Because," Bowser stated as if it was fact, "hot fudge is better than cherries. Chocolate beats every other food ever."

"So I should be the hot fudge, and you the cherries, because I am better than you."

"Hey! No you aren-"

A throat being cleared roughly brought Samus and Bowser's attention away from their bickering back to Princess Martha, still chained to the wall.

"Frankly," she said quietly, "I don't care who the hot fudge is and who the cherry is between the two of you. Would you just please stop squabbling like little children and unchain me?!"

Samus and Bowser glanced at each other quickly before looking back to the captive. "Yeah, sure."

The Koopa King cackled evilly, clutching the keys in his scaly hand tightly. "Just TRY and defeat me in battle! I am the mighty, the epic, the awesome BOWSER! My fire breath will scorch your soul! My claws will- ACK!"

The Koopa King's monologue was interrupted by a swift kick from Samus, aimed at the lizard's gut. He immediately doubled over in pain, and Samus casually plucked the keys from his claws and walked over to Martha.

"Whyyyyy?" Bowser lamented from his spot on the floor, writhing in his mostly imaginary pain. "Why can I never win?! Samus, you truly are a worthy hero to your princess."

Samus froze in his tracks, spinning back to Bowser slowly, leaving Martha chained behind him. "For the last time," the bounty hunter took each step slowly, rage building within the power suit, "I AM A FEMALE!" With that last blowup, the bounty hunter tore off his helmet, revealing that he was really a she.

"S- Samus?" Bowser was stunned. "You're a girl?! I WAS BEATEN BY A GIRL?!"

"Yep!" The bounty huntress spun around, quickly unchained Martha, and brought her close. "And this isn't 'Princess Martha'. It is PRINCE MARTH. HE IS MALE."

"WHAT?!" Bowser's eyes were dinner plates. "I KIDNAPPED A GUY?!"

Marth gently took his arm from Samus's grasp, and nodded. "Yep. You, my overgrown lizard friend, are an idiot."

"WHY ME?! WHY MEEE?!" The Koopa King writhed in his shame, before jumping to his feet and running from his bedroom through the gap where the closed door once was. "I MUST ESCAPE THE SHAAAAAME!"

Marth silently drew his sword, face dangerously calm. "And now to show that lizard exactly what I can do when I'm not chained to his bedroom wall!" With that, the prince gave chase to the Koopa King, leaving the bounty huntress behind.

"Well," she said to herself before putting her helmet back on, "no point in me missing out on all the fun!" All that was left in Bowser's bedroom was a broken down door, a ruffled bed, and two empty chains, swinging back and forth quite pitifully.

That is, that was all that was in the room until a certain two walked in.

"What happened here?" Princess Peach of the Mushroom Kingdom pondered, looking at the strange scene before her and her companion.

"No idea," Roy from the Fire Emblem universe raised his eyebrows, shocked at what he saw, "but looks like this Bowser you told me about was holding someone captive."

He nodded towards the swaying chains, and Peach balled her gloved hands at her sides, rage boiling over.

"I can't believe that Koopa!" the princess started pacing back and forth, gesturing wildly with her hands. "He kidnaps me multiple times back in my kingdom, then comes here and kidnaps some other helpless girl! Don't the rules strictly forbid that? Yes! Yes they do! But does he care? Nooo! He just goes on his own little rampages, taking helpless women no matter where he goes!" Before the princess could continue her rant, Roy placed a finger over her lips.

"You know," he smirked playfully, "you're awfully cute mad."

Peach blushed momentarily, before slapping the redhead across the face.

"OW! What was that for?!"

"You've been flirting with me ever since we met a few days ago!"

"You like it though, don't you?" Roy winked, and Peach looked up at him with an unreadable look on her face. This look scared the redhead more than if she looked angry.

"Yes, admittedly, I do like it. But all our focus must be on finding the poor girl who has found herself in Bowser's clutches." With that, the pink clad princess turned and walked away, leaving Roy with his jaw hanging open at her admission. Now that was something he wasn't expecting.

Nevertheless, the redhead followed Peach away from the Koopa's room, looking like a lost puppy.

And so we come back to where our tale began. Our tale has been a long one, with kidnapping, mistaken identities, and hot fudge. It has been an epic tale, with intrigue, with dra-

"SHUT UP!" Bowser screeched at the narrator, dodging the twin to the high heel lobbed at his head previously. "I'M TRYING TO FOCUS HERE!"

"Tell us where the princess is!" Peach shrieked, all out of high heels to whip but still having her voice in full supply.

"Yeah, what she said!" Roy yelled, following along behind the Mushroom Kingdom princess and basically just riding off everything she said instead of screaming for his own idea of justice. He was in still in slight shock Peach enjoyed the flirtatious comments he'd been making.

"Come back, Bowser!" Marth called, sword drawn and a surprisingly calm look upon his face, though it was just a façade. Inside, the prince was ready to cut the Koopa into little itty bitty ribbons. In Marth's personal opinion, he looked nothing like the opposite gender. Thus, being called a girl ticked him off. "We have quite the misunderstanding to settle!"

"GET BACK HERE, LIZARD BREATH!" Samus screeched, ready to tear Bowser's head off. This was the last time she'd be called a guy.

"Why me?" Bowser panted, running out of breath, "Why me? Why couldn't it have been that other villain Ganondorf? Whyyyy?" Finally, it was too much for the Koopa King, who promptly collapsed onto his shell on the grassy lawn his prospective murderers were still traversing.

Before any of the other three could react, Peach lobbed herself onto Bowser's stomach area, since his shell was pressed into the ground. Her parasol was drawn within moments, and the princess proceeded to try and beat the living daylights out of the Koopa.

"Where is she?!" Peach wailed shrilly, "What have you done with that poor princess?!"

"Yeah!" Roy echoed, still lost more in his own thoughts than in the moment, "what have you done with her?"

"YEA- Wait a second." Samus stopped midsentence, and looked over to Peach. "Who do you think he kidnapped?"

"Some poor defenseless princess," Peach said, looking up at the bounty huntress like the answer was obvious and the question should never have been voiced. Bowser, meanwhile, whimpered pathetically beneath the surprisingly heavyweight princess.

"Oy," Samus rubbed her helmet then stopped, realizing she still had the thing on and therefore could not massage her forehead to stop her headache. "He kidnapped Mr. Prince over there," she gestured over her shoulder at Marth, who was still in frozen in shock at how brutal Peach could be with a parasol.

"Why?" Roy asked, finally snapping out of his own shock and looking confused at the development.

"He thought he was a girl."

And thus, hysterical laughter ensued between redhead and pink clad princess.

"Priceless!" Peach breathed in between her bouts of laughter, and Roy was laughing so hard all he could do was nod his agreement.

"Yeah," Samus chuckled, "it is pretty funny, isn't it?"

Marth, by this point, had recovered and was now mad at everyone there besides Bowser. "Well," he said, "he also thought Samus was a guy."

This immediately stopped the laughter, and Roy and Peach exchanged a quick look.

"You mean," Roy started, "Samus is a girl?"

"Duh." Both prince and bounty hunter spoke at the same time, and Samus turned to him.

"You knew I was a girl before?"

Marth nodded, "Yeah. I mean, you definitely didn't seem like a guy, and well, your voice didn't seem like a guy's, and well, I saw you take your helmet off once, and you definitely didn't look like a guy…"

Peach and Roy each exchanged a rather knowing look, meaning something along the lines of 'that prince is crushing baaad.'

"Oh, well, thanks, I guess." Samus nodded, a hint of embarrassment evident in her voice as well. The princess and redhead couldn't help but wonder: Is the bounty huntress crushing as well?

In all the craziness, Bowser had realized they weren't paying attention to him any longer. Slowly, he stood and began tiptoeing away before a hand clutched his arm and held him back.

"Now," Peach said, holding the Koopa's scaly limb with an iron grip, "what do we do with this one?"

"Well," Roy mused, "he really didn't break the rules."

"What do you mean, 'he didn't break the rules'?" Marth looked like he was calm, but everyone could hear the annoyance in his words. This particularly concerned Bowser, as he didn't feel like being murdered or dismembered on such a sunny day.

"Just hear me out!" Roy held up his hands defensively, before continuing, "What I mean by that is that the rules say 'No Kidnapping any Female on the premise'. Rule number four."

Samus gave the redhead a strange look. "Did you memorize the rules?"

"Yep. I'm actually quite proud of that accomplishment!"

"So," Peach pondered, before proceeding to finish Roy's thought, "he didn't kidnap a female. He only kidnapped a guy… So he didn't break a rule!"

"Yep," Roy nodded, "no rules broken!"

Bowser, upon hearing this, jumped for joy. "I didn't break a rule! I didn't break a rule! I'M FREEEEEE!"

"Oh no mister," Peach laughed wryly, squeezing the Koopa's arm until he thought he'd lost its circulation, "you aren't off the hook. I'll be dealing with you. Come along, Roy!"

With that, the princess of the Mushroom Kingdom dragged Bowser along behind her, waltzing casually back to the Smash Mansion. Roy, after a moment's hesitation, ran after her eagerly, leaving Samus and Marth behind.

"Sooooo…" Samus started, looking up at the bright blue sky through her helmet visor.

Marth cleared his throat awkwardly, kicking idly at the ground, before deciding to ask a question. "Why'd you burst into Bowser's room earlier?"

"I heard Bowser roar. Really, if he wanted to slip away undetected, he could have tried to be a bit more inconspicuous."

AN- ...And I'm bad with endings, but I hope that was a good one! Thanks for reading! :D