I've had this on my mind for a while. It won't go away, so here, a lil prezzie for y'all. I haven't seen Camp Camp in forever, though, I stopped a bit after S3 started. Sorry if something isn't accurate. And I know it's a little crappy, but I also have a huge Be More Chill idea. That'll be coming out next.
As warned in the description, suicide is mentioned. Not comfortable, don't read.
As always, please enjoy and review!
Max stares out over the camp. A few weeks back, he had been in Campbell's secret attic room and discovered a ladder leading up to the roof of the mess hall. It was probably made so Campbell could make a quick helicopter getaway if needed. But now, with him in Super Guantanamo, Max was the one to brush the dust off the rungs once or twice a week and ascend. He normally went up about a half hour before everyone else woke, keeping the place to himself.
He's actually surprised Nikki hadn't found it yet. The girl is a fucking hound dog.
Max yawns. He blinks blearily, still not fully awake, watching the sun rise from behind the mountains.
In just less than a month, summer would be over. He'd have to go back to his parents' house.
Max prefers not to think of it as his home. It was a cold place, devoid of warmth. There had been no happy days. No fond memories. It was merely a building where he lived. Where he survived.
He sinks deeper into his sweatshirt, pulling his hood over his head, flattening his hair against his forehead. A few dark unruly strands dangle in front of his eyes. At the beginning of the summer, he'd never have thought he'd miss Camp Campbell. But now, without even thinking, Max lets his eyes trail over the grounds: the tents where his friends were sleeping, the dock on the lake, the counselor's cabins. He remembers when he led a revolution, when he, Nikki and Neil were stowaway's in David's car, blackmailing Gwen. His chest aches.
Max isn't going to go as far to say that he loves camp; but it's been the one place where he'd felt safe. No parents threatening to take away what little food he got. No teachers telling him off when he slept in class after a wakeful night listening to his father rage over a bottle of gin. Nobody laughing at him, thinking his fuck all attitude is an attempt to be the funny one instead of seeing it as his defense from the outside world.
He grumbles, reduced to squinting when the sun's light finally reached him. It's way too early for that kind of thinking. Slowly, Max unfolds himself and stands up.
He isn't even halfway across the roof when it happens.
The dizziness hits him like a truck, making spots dance in his vision. He temporarily feels warm and numb as blood rushes to his head. All this, combined with his hair in his eyes, is too much.
Max slips.
Landing flat on his back, he quickly slides down the slanted roof, hands scrabbling behind him for something, anything, to stop his fall. His stomach is swooping, and his mind is a mess of alarm bells.
As he's nearing the edge, Max feels a tug on his foot and he's suddenly swinging to hang upside down. He rocks back and forth gently, his hood having fallen off. For a moment he blinks, stunned. Then, he raises his head slowly, carefully.
His shoelace is stuck between two shingles. Max doesn't know how, but as he cranes his head backwards to look below him—an action that only dizzies him further—he's thankful. If he had hit the ground, he definitely would've broken his arm or leg. Maybe even a rib. Even so, falling at this angle would be so much worse, most likely cracking his skull or snapping his neck. Dead.
But…would it be that bad?
Max's mind goes eerily quiet. No inner voices trying to talk him out of whatever the fuck just passed through his head. Only complete silence.
It's odd…but nice. Peaceful.
He vaguely wonders if this is what death is like. Sure, he had shared some ideas with Neil: a big, empty, pitch black void where it was just you, your thoughts and nobody and nothing else for eternity. But thinking about it and probably experiencing it, Max now knows, are two completely different things.
Max jolts. He glances upward to see his shoelace slipping.
Max has had thoughts of killing himself before. It wasn't a foreign concept. But for as much as tried back in his parents' house, he couldn't pull it off. Something would always manage to stop him, whether it be his parents coming home or him chickening out.
Now, though…now was an opportunity.
And all he had to do was just let it happen.
Max closes his eyes as he feels himself fall a tiny bit more. He could be free, free of it all, right here, right now. Maybe he could even come back like Jasper, bound to Camp Campbell. He wouldn't have to go back there.
He wouldn't have to deal with the loneliness.
"Max!"
A shout breaks through the quiet. Max's eyes fly open to see an upside-down David and Gwen rushing toward him, Nikki and Neil not far behind. It's disorientating to see so much movement with his head to the ground, but he can clearly see the concern on their faces, the panic. The fear.
"Max, hang in there!" David yells.
And it's like Max can breathe again.
"Help!" he cries, startling himself by how loud he is. Everything catches up with him and it's too much, all too much.
What the hell had he been thinking?
"How did you get up there?" Gwen barks at him.
"Campbell's attic—there's a ladder—slipped—help!"
Gwen immediately takes off into the mess hall. David, Nikki and Neil stay below. "I want you to stay calm, Max, okay?!" David calls up to him, barely disguising the tremors in his own voice. "You're going to be fine, just stay calm! Gwen's coming to get you and we're right here!"
"How, how did—"
"You really think I didn't see you sneaking out in the mornings?" Neil cuts him off. "I am a scientist, Max! I barely sleep!"
"Neil dragged me out to follow you last time," Nikki pipes up. "We saw you going into the mess hall and I was like 'Why's he going in there?' and Neil was like 'Shh!', then we saw you appear on the roof!" She pauses, then grins innocently. "Like a wizard! You weren't there, then you were!"
"When you didn't come back at your usual time, I got worried," Neil says. "I had a bad feeling, and, well, here we are!"
Max stares at them. Nikki and Neil. His friends. They had cared enough to make sure he was okay. That he was safe.
"Okay, I'm here."
Gwen's voice startles him, has him whipping his head around to look at the roof. His shoelace slips a fraction more and Max hopes the others aren't close enough to hear his terrified squeak.
If Gwen notices, she doesn't let on. She keeps her voice calm. "Here's what we're gonna do: I'm gonna lean down as far as I can. When I say go, act like you're doing a sit-up and reach for my hands. Once you grab me, I swear to God, Max, hold on, 'cause even though David means well, he's got fucking noodle arms."
Max smiles weakly at the unintended jab at David. "M'kay."
Gwen lies down flat, her feet hooked over the peak of the roof. Slowly, she stretches herself out until her arms and chest are fully visible from Max's perspective. Her fingers brush the pocket of his hoodie. "Ready? Go."
Rocking back a little to give himself momentum, Max swings upward. The first try, he misses by a hair. The second, he's nowhere close.
The third, his shoelace snaps.
Max yelps, hands waving wildly. His eyes are squeezed shut again, but his mind is screaming.
Then he feels pressure on his right arm and looks up. Gwen has her hand firm and locked tight around him. David, Nikki and Neil cheer from below.
Grunting, Gwen pulls herself backwards. When Max is close enough, he reaches with his left hand and grabs the lip of the roof, helping to pull himself up.
Finally, he's safe, solid roof beneath his knees as he collapses into Gwen's arms. Max is shaking as he clings to her shirt, tears rolling down his face. "Hey, hey, you're okay," Gwen says soothingly, hugging him. Then she holds him a little way away, studying him. "I'm gonna ask you something, and I want the truth."
Max nods, reading her expression. He knows she's thinking about last Saturday. Parent's Day.
"Were you trying to kill yourself?"
Max drops his gaze to his knees. It's a moment before he answers. "I wasn't trying to kill myself. The fall was an accident." He pauses, then continues in a quieter voice. "But I wasn't trying to save myself either."
Gwen sighs, but it's a different sigh than usual. It's not exasperated, or tired, or even annoyed. She just sounds…disappointed. "Max…"
"I'm sorry." he says quickly. "I just got caught up in thinking what'll happen when the summer's over and I slipped, and I just thought that it was a sign, that that was how I was supposed to go and—"
"Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa, first off, breathe." Gwen interrupts. "You're fucking hyperventilating. Second, try not to be so selfish."
Max looks up at her, his breath hitching. "Self—wha?"
"You heard me. Did you really think we'd just let you go like that? Maybe instead of thinking about your problems, think of right now. The present. Fuck the future. That doesn't matter right now. Right now, you're here, I'm here, David, Nikki and Neil are right below us, and the other little shits are probably semi-conscious by now. You might not care about leaving us behind, but we sure as hell care about keeping you here."
Max sniffs, swiping haphazardly at his eyes. "Fuck, Gwen."
Gwen smirks. "How's the psychology degree looking now?"
"Fuck you." They laugh together, then Gwen looks at him seriously.
"So, can you try? For us?"
Max thinks a moment, but he doesn't really need to. He nods.
It's all he can do, anyway.