Lost & found

Disclaimer: The original characters from Lord of the Rings belong to their respective owners. This story was written for fan enjoyment and not profit. I own just the characters I created.

Author's Note: This is my first story, the first story I have ever written in English, I'm sorry if that's not what you expected, but you should give it a chance. My character is not a 10th Walker, she has been living in Middle Earth since she was born. This chapter may be a little dark because my original character got though a lot, this explains a little how she's trying to be confident in her powers, but still fails because of the dark memories from her past. I promise you that I have got some happiness in my bag too, but you have to be patient. If you have any suggestions about the stories, you can tell me, I don't mind at all. I haven't read the books, so this story is mostly based on the movies. Enjoy! And also I hope everyone have a great new year so far. Don't forget to review! Your reviews give me the power to keep going & make me happy.

First Chapter : The last chance – sink or swim?

"And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it." -Paulo Coel

I got though fire and pain, I saw blood and sometimes I had it on my own hands. It's not something I'm proud of, just something I learnt to live with. Because surviving is better than hiding in the dark, struggling to find some light. When I thought I lost my life, the opposite happened: everything changed and things began to have a deeper meaning for me. A new beginning showed up. Maybe that happened because things never stay the same, it's just the right course of life. Tragic happens, but so does happiness and the reasons to keep rising when you fell. I had to keep going, trying to ignore the pain and the guilt, which tried to destroy me slowly. And I did… I survived though fire and pain.

That's my story or should I call it a curse? Well, that's up to you. My story started in Mordor, while it was still an untouched land without darkness and shadow. It was a place like the others, but for me it was home. But that was years ago, when I was just a girl, an innocent girl, who didn't know about this misery and tragedy. Sauron eventually found a way to destroy my safe land, when he converted it in his own dark paradise. A land of fire, just a dying memory of the beautiful place it used to be. He killed the "useless" people from Mordor, but his plan wasn't that good because he failed too. Some people managed to get out because he focused on the royal family and with them without realizing he let the flame of our realm burning. After we left, we tried to find once again the beautiful life we used to have in Mordor, the one filled with hope. And we found it in a quiet place. Now it was our home, our little village, our little everything and I liked it because it was built of love and sacrifice and that was more than enough for me.

I'm one of the survivors, one of these people you can call "blessed", but I didn't saw it like this. I had to learn how to fight, how to defend myself and how to live again. I didn't know everything, but slowly I found myself being good at hunting down every creature, orcs or men, who tried to hurt the people, I cared about. I'm one of the Guardians or protectors, you're probably wondering what this means. A while ago, a prophecy was found. It was about every region from Middle Earth and it explained how some people were born with this fate, the one of protecting the people, to make them believe again and to wait patiently the falling of the dark and the rising of a new era.I found it hard to believe the first time because I was not a hero, I'm nothing like that. Never was, never will. After doing mistakes, I can see clearly. I have no excuses for how I acted, for killing or for anything bad I did in my lifetime. I have just one chance, one chance to change it, to find the one girl with the heart of a lion like they used to call me.

I saw pieces of her and now I want to see all. The accommodation on the new lifestyle was something I will never forget. I was so afraid of what I was becoming… But my family, stopped me, they stopped me from bleeding, they tried to show me how important was to heal my wounds in order to keep living. I owe them my every breath because without them I would have probably stopped fighting – fatal mistake, for sure. I became a stronger version of my old self, but stronger doesn't mean always better. They found me and they saved me, they saved me from becoming a person, I didn't wish to be. I will give everything for them and they will return me just the same because we're a family and that's what family does. They're truly the survivors, the heroes.

I smiled warmly at July, who was standing next to me with a sleepy face. She was the youngest out of us.

"Are you going to leave, Anne?" Sadness was all over her face and that hurt me because she deserved better than to suffer because of me. She was so fragile, yet so strong, we were different in many ways, but that bounded us even more.

"Who told you, child?"

" I am not a child, you should know better! " she argued with me " They told me that you'll leave because you think it's time to help Middle Earth. They said you're going to meet the elfs. " She stopped and smirked. " Make them feel imperfect, alright? "

" Why would I do that? " I asked almost surprised by her remark, but she was smart, I should have expected her to know about everything is walking on the Earth.

" Because I heard they are arrogant, and I don't like it! But that doesn't matter now, I have to ask you something more important. Are you sure about leaving ? Do you think it's the right time or are you doing it because you feel like you owe them this? I don't want you to leave. And no, it's not because I don't believe in you or in your strength. I just… I just wish you would stay because nobody will ever take care of me like you did. You have been a sister to me and I don't want to lose you " She was close to tears and I had to stop her because if I will see her crying, I might as well change my mind and that shouldn't even be an option.

"Yes, it's the right time… I'm not doing it just because I'm feeling guilty, I just want to make the sacrifice of the people who died in Mordor worth it. I don't want their deaths to go to waste. And about you being alone… Listen to me. You're stronger than I am, July. Believe me, one day you'll make this world better and you will make me proud. And when that's going to happen I'll be standing in a corner smirking and commenting about how I taught you everything you know, but that won't be the truth. You taught me the the most essential lesson. You know what's this?" She shooked her head, watching me with so much interest. I smiled and I continued. " That I should never, but never give up on anything. Even if I can't find a reason to continue, I should just do it without asking questions or wondering why things can't be like I want. And this, July, makes you the wisest fifteen year old girl. " I believed every single word I said because I trusted her more than I trusted myself. I think it is one of those simple things you should never deny or try to change, just be happy that you're lucky enough to have it, a friendship.

"Will you come back?" She asked with hope in her voice, she tried to seem hopeful for me because she knew me and that I wasn't fearless, I was coward at times and I changed my mind so easily. I was too insecure for this world, one sad moment and my every plan will be destroyed and she knew it. She knew another little confess about how she cannot survive without me and I will give away all these words I have been trying to keep in my mind.

" I promise. "

And I didn't lied, I will come back. With all my strenght I will keep my promise. Because sometimes being loyal to a friend is better than saving the world. It can give you satisfaction, it can give you power to do both. I smiled at her, the child had some effect on me. I'm becoming overconfident and that's totally not my type. Maybe it was because of the soft words July said or maybe because I was excited to finally find my way. I have been so sad since I found out about my powers and my destiny because I couldn't do anything and I felt helpless. Simply because my powers were important for this world and I couldn't find the strength to use it, I couldn't be strong enough. But this is gone now, I should forget this forever. Locked memories must stay locked. Life isn't for these who always complain because they will never keep up with all the misery, that life will throw in our faces. But some parts of it are bright and when you see these, it's like you saw everything you needed and more.

That's why I'm trying, that's why I'm not giving up because I need to see the beautiful moments life has prepared for me, the ones you heard about and you're thinking there are more than lovely. I just want to be happy, I don't want to disappoint anyone beause once I did and after this… I felt like nothing mattered anymore, like everyone will hate me anyway because I was a monster, like I will never find myself. I believed that I wasn't better than these orcs because I killed somebody… I took away his life and because of this thing, I didn't want to accept my destiny. It's such an irony, a protector who killed. Of course, I stayed the same girl with a bright smile, that never showed what disturbed her. But the inside of me was a completely different story. I have been hating myself for years, I don't think I accepted me now either, but how could I hope I'll help the others if I can't help myself? I can't be delusional, I have to move on, I have to lie to myself and truly believe it. Because there's no other way, I'm either choosing to live and try to forgive and forget or I'll die. I have to stop thinking of the mess I made and just try to fix it. I found my hope and my determination, now I just have to fight for the path I've chosen, praying that I will find my light.

Perhaps, one day I will stop changing my moods so fast, I will stop trying to encourage me with thoughts and I will really believe them with my soul. In this one day I'll be fixed. In the future, I'll deserve to be the Guardian of Fire because I'll be the dynamic person, who's holding the fire inside of her. The alive flame. I remember when Gandalf visited me first, he was the one to told me that I'll never get what I want because I'm too impatient. True.

~* Flashback * ~

I was crying all alone in the forest, it happened. Somebody died right under my eyes and I was responsible of this. Who I am? What's happening to me? I heard some steps, but I didn't care, I haven't moved even a step because at this moment they could even kill me and I wouldn't care. I was lost. Really lost, like some child who doesn't know how to return to his parents. And the scene with him and how he told me to have mercy and I wanted so badly to stop, but I couldn't. Even July screamed… And I haven't done anything.

" Blame may kill you, my dear friend. " Gandalf said and in that moment I knew he was sad too, he had this voice, he wasn't disappointed, he was sorry. I did not understand.

" I do not wish to talk about this at all…"

" I know, but that doesn't mean I won't talk… It's my terrible mistake and I should apologize to you, it is my fault. Not yours. I should have warned you earlier, but you are so young, I thought your powers won't appear right now. I was mistaken, perhaps. Child, I know you and I know what kind of heart you posses. Even though you never believed in yourself, you're capable of great things. "

" Like what? Taking away people's life?"

" Don't be impolite and interrupt me ! I'm Gandalf the Grey, not some fool. " After some seconds, we continued. " Well, like I was telling you earlier, you keep inside of you a great force, this Earth will once need you, child. And when this will happen, you'll see that you're better than you think. Just wait, be patient. With patience you will save your doomed soul. "

~* End of flashback*~

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