InZane
A Rikki oneshot
written by Stessa.
Warning: Season three spoilers.
-
She couldn't quite put her finger on it, but she knew that something had changed between them.
He didn't take her hand anymore, only to place a kiss on it and raise it to his chest and hold it there, while he said sweet things to her, so she'd forgive him no matter how he'd screwed up. He used to. He still screwed up, but now he didn't care if she forgave him or not. She always ended up doing so, because staying mad at him took too much energy these days. Maybe that's what he found out about her. That she'd softened up.
He didn't blow off Nate anymore to take her side whenever there were problems. He used to. He usually wasted no time getting mad at Nate when he did something stupid to one of the girls. She always got mad at Nate, because he was simply dense. But it wasn't like it used to be. He didn't take her side, he sided with this best friend, and maybe it was because he knew that she wasn't going to yell at him. She was over that.
He didn't go out of his way to spend time with her anymore. He used to. He didn't tell her that they rarely saw each other and that he missed her. Maybe it was because they saw each other all the time, even though it wasn't really them. Or maybe it was because he didn't really miss her, even if she wasn't really there. Or maybe she'd gone rigid with all the work it took to own a café, and he simply hadn't been ready for that kind of responsibility. But she'd grown up.
He didn't ask her about the Mermaid Club anymore. He used to. He'd always wanted to know when there was a full moon and he usually got out of his way to make sure she stayed clear of water. He'd been so sweet to her and tried to help her, but he wasn't, didn't, anymore. Maybe he didn't really care. She didn't care either.
-
Rikki's was busy as usual and of course Zane was nowhere to be found.
Rikki came to a stop behind the counter and breathed out slowly. Sophie might have been a horrid bitch who'd only tried to ruin their business and keep Bella away from Will, but she sure had been good for this café. She had been cute to look at, and she'd been effective. None of their other workers were that much into their work.
Taking in another breath to calm herself, Rikki reached for the two drinks she'd just made and hurried around the counter to place the order at the right table. She smiled warmly at the customers and decided it was time for a real break. Hoping her workers could manage without her, she went into the back and to the office she shared with her boyfriend to be alone.
It was nice to finally sit down and think things through.
Where had this come from? She never used to like work and now there she was, working her butt off to make this café happen in the best way possible. She never used to like being polite to anyone, and now she was serving juices with a smile? Something was so not right about that picture.
Rikki placed her head in her hands and let her eyes wander across the walls of their small office. She was so tired she was certain she could sleep for weeks. She never saw her friends anymore, and when she finally did, she felt like all she did was snap at them. Even Cleo, whom she'd known for ages, she couldn't have an honest conversation with.
She missed Emma, she really did. Everything had changed since she left them to travel the world. She wasn't sure how exactly, but it seemed like everything was different – changed, somehow.
Her eyes stopped when they settled on a picture of her that was taped to the wall. Zane had placed it there when he decorated the office, said he'd always have something nice to look at, even if she wasn't there in person.
Rikki stood up from behind the desk and approached the picture with a steadily beating heart. As she came closer, she placed a light finger on it, wondering. That was such an old picture of her. Not that she'd known Zane for many years, but it still felt like eternity since this was taken.
Her hair was braided with those soft curls and she was wearing one of her favourite outfits back then; her black shorts, with the red t-shirt, and her converse shoes. Plus, the locket she, Emma and Cleo had shared together.
Raising a hand to her neck, she realized that she wasn't wearing that anymore. She turned slightly to the side, and instead of looking at that picture of her, she was now locking eyes with a more instant picture; her own face in the mirror. She raised another hand in wonderment to the ends of her hair. It was longer now, straighter. Her eyes travelled her entire form and she realized that she wasn't wearing either black or red. Those used to be her favourite colours.
You changed somehow, Rikki. I'm not sure when, but you've definitely changed.
Zane's words repeated themselves inside her head, over and over, as she stood there, gazing at her own face in the mirror. Her picture hung there on the wall, right next to her, as a ghost from the past, taunting her with that childish, innocent smile that was only a year old. In a sudden rush of desperation and despair, Rikki reached for the picture and ripped it off the wall.
As it curled between her fingers, she whispered to herself, "Yes, I've changed. I've grown up."
But Zane hadn't.
-
Somehow, the water in the Moon Pool had always calmed her when she felt bad. That was one thing that hadn't changed. Letting her fingers slide through the hot water and her tail flip from side to side, Rikki suddenly felt better. More whole. It was strange, because. Lately she'd felt more mermaid than human.
She wasn't sure what would happen next. If she and Zane were going to be okay, or if it was only a matter of time before she lost him. For some reason, the thought of losing him didn't even make her that sad. Maybe that should have surprised her, but it didn't. She had changed. He had not. It wasn't hard to figure out that that was going to be a problem at some point.
She just wasn't sure if she was ready for the mess it'd create if she and Zane split. She was going to lose the café, the small amount of money she earned. She'd have to convince him not to spill their secret to anyone. She wasn't sure if that was even doable.
Rikki turned onto her stomach and rested her arms against the side of the Moon Pool like she'd done so many times before. She used to love coming to this place with Emma and Cleo, but now she liked coming alone. Nothing was like it used to be. So maybe it was time to forget the used to's.
And perhaps start the future?
She wasn't the same Rikki anymore. Somewhere between now and then she'd grown up and there was no changing that. She definitely wasn't the Rikki that Zane fell in love with. She wasn't the Rikki Cleo first knew. Was she even a Rikki, now, that Cleo could still love?
Or was she only a Rikki that Bella and Will could care for, simply because they hadn't known the old Rikki?
-
She felt someone coming before she even saw them. There were these vibrations in the water and they hit her tail with full-force when her two best friends swum into the Moon Pool at full speed. They broke the surface, and both had smiles on their faces.
"Zane is looking for you." Bella whispered and pushed her hair back.
Zane could wait. He was not important. She could live without Zane, but she couldn't live without this. That was the other thing that hadn't changed. She was a mermaid, and she was going to be. Always.
Cleo's smile was more vague and Rikki knew it was because she hadn't been a good friend. "I thought you had work at the café today?"
"I needed a swim." Rikki whispered. She turned her eyes upwards and glanced at the top of the volcano. She didn't know how it was possible, but the connection she felt with this place went beyond her own imagination. She wasn't just a mermaid who needed a sanctuary, she was a mermaid who needed a place where she could be herself and control that fire inside of her; even if she couldn't tell her friends that something was really wrong. That she – that she controlled more than just the fire.
Maybe Bella and Cleo could feel that something was up with her. They'd both been insecure around her for awhile, only Will really seemed to understand her. The silence between them was awkward, and maybe Rikki owed them an explanation.
She ducked her head between the water and came up for air. "I think Zane and I are splitting up."
Cleo and Bella shared a look, and something told Rikki that they weren't that surprised. Cleo fidgeted with her fingers like she usually would when something happened that she wasn't comfortable with. Bella opened her mouth to say something, but Rikki stopped her.
"Don't." she said. "Don't even say a thing."
Bella swallowed loudly and breathed. "I'll just go find Will then."
Cleo was about to join her. "We'll leave you alone, Rikki." she confirmed with that hurt look in her eyes.
She might be able to live without Zane. But she couldn't live without Cleo.
"Actually, could you stay for a moment?"
Again, they shared a look, but it seemed like Cleo was actually brave enough to stay. Bella offered them both a short wave and dove out of there with a splash of her tail. Cleo crossed the Moon Pool and for the first time in a very long time, she was right there next to Rikki, resting against the bumpy side of the rocks.
It felt good to be this close to her. "I'm not sure what happened." Rikki whispered. "But I changed."
Rikki knew more than anything, that that was how Cleo felt too. "I know." the other girl whispered, their shoulders brushing lightly, Rikki's right one against Cleo's left one. "It scares me. I don't feel like you tell me anything anymore."
"I don't know what to say."
Cleo breathed in slowly. "No matter what I do, I feel like you're always angry with me. I just want us to be OK, Rikki, you're my best friend."
She turned her head to the side. "I want us to be good too, but I don't know how to."
Cleo seemed really nervous, and Rikki wondered if she'd been thinking these things, wanting to say them, for a long time, "I think that maybe, when Emma left, you felt the need to take more responsibility, to make sure that I was okay all the time. That's what you've been doing, Rikki, you've been more like Emma."
Rikki closed her eyes. She hadn't been able to stand how Emma always needed to be so perfect all the time. "I couldn't stand that about her."
"I guess you... grew up."
Rikki turned over in the water, moving away from Cleo, the way she always did when it became too much. "Everybody grows up, Cleo, but not everybody looses themselves on the way. Only I did that."
Cleo reached a hand out. "I still love you."
With hesitation, Rikki reached a hand out herself. "I know."
-
As she was watching the sun set from the grass, someone sat down next to her. She didn't even need to look to know who it was, she could feel it.
Wrapping her arms around her bare legs, she rested her chin in the nook it created. "I think I might be crazy."
Will didn't reply at first.
"I think I might really have lost it, Will."
He sighed. "You just need to find yourself again, Rikki."
"That connection I have," she mumbled, turning her head to the side to look at him, still curled together in desperation, "with the water serpent from the Moon Pool. I think I know what it is. It's me."
Will wriggled his nose. "You?"
She nodded the best way possible. "Me acting out. Because I can't anymore, I need to get it out."
He seemed to understand, like she knew he would. He'd be the only one to understand, she'd known that from the start. Because Will wasn't Cleo or Bella, or even Zane. Not even Lewis or Emma either. Will was Will, and he understood her in a different way. He didn't question her that much, he just... got her.
(The ironic part was that that was the thing she used to say about Zane).
"You've got so much anger inside of you. You need to do something so you don't go crazy, won't go insane."
She didn't feel so cold anymore. She let her arms fall to her sides, and her legs drop to the grass. She laid down completely and stared at the stars, the infinite space. "I think I'm starting to figure out who I am." she whispered.
He blocked her view with that head of his. "I've known that since the second I laid eyes on you."
She locked her eyes with his. For a second there, she wanted to kiss him. She wasn't sure how that one would go down with Bella though. He placed a hand on her mouth.
"I think you're such a beautiful woman. Inside and out, Rikki."
That was it. She was a woman now.
Heck, Bella would never know. She pushed his hand aside and reached for the back of his neck. There was a sweet kiss between them, and that was that.
Will laid down next to her. On his back also. "You're a beautiful woman, Rikki. Inside and out."
A woman who worked with a smile on her face. Who took care of her best friend when she was insecure. Who took out her anger on something that wasn't someone. Who didn't stay with her boyfriend just because it was the easy way out.
"I'm gonna go find Zane now."
Will didn't answer.
-
He was behind the desk in their office when she entered. He just sat there, staring out at nothing through the window with his hands on the desk. She wasn't sure if now was the right time.
He looked up at her when she entered. He wasn't happy.
Now was the right time.
"Where have you been all afternoon? I've been looking for you. The staff has been working their butts off to cover all the work you weren't here to do."
She took a seat in the chair on the other side of the desk. "I needed time to think."
He was mad, but he still cared about her. His eyes softened, and he held up a crumbled version of the picture that used to hang on the wall. "What's this?"
He wanted to know how come she'd torn the picture from the wall and curled it between her fingers. "It's just a girl I used to know."
Confusion swept across his face. "But it's you."
"No." she said, finally feeling like it was going to be okay, even if they weren't. "That's me." she finished and turned to look into the mirror once more.
It looked like he finally understood. "You've changed, Rikki. You definitely have."
"I know."
He swallowed loudly. "I don't know if I like it."
She closed her eyes for a second. "I know."
Zane looked her over, took in her entire form in a way he hadn't done in a very long time. His eyes swept across her thighs, her stomach, her breasts and her hair in a way that was inappropriate, but yet necessary. It was the last time he was ever going to look at her like that.
"I think maybe I should gather my things and be off soon."
He nodded.
She stood up and so did he. And feeling like it was the right thing to do, she leaned across the desk and wrapped her arms around him in a tight hug. "Thanks for a good run, Zane."
He pulled back slightly. "When I think of you, it'll be the Rikki I used to know."
She understood him. But that didn't mean she agreed with him. "And I'll just think of you as Zane, totally crazy, but still very sweet."
He nodded and sat down again, and during a moment of total confusion, she reached for the ruined picture of her, and put it right back where she had torn it from. "The girl you fell in love with." she told him, before she turned and walked right out of the office, not the girl he fell in love with.
But the woman whom he fell out of love with.
Lately I've been in a weird place with my writing. I haven't really felt like I was able to get anything particularly meaningful or even good down on paper. I've really struggled when trying to write, and I know it's because I don't actually have time to write enough, so I'm so out of shape. I finally stumbled my way through a oneshot for the movie John Tucker Must Die yesterday, and it wasn't my best work, but I got a good feeling in my fingers again.
That's how I so suddenly actually felt the inspiration – shocking, I know! - to write this. I wanted to write something about Rikki's journey in season three, because I've been thinking about it a lot, and talking with Kajskk about the entire third season a lot. About how Rikki is so different, and whether that's a good thing or not. And also about Zane because that hasn't been so good.
She should know more than anyone where this is coming from, but I hope all of you guys understand my point of view anyway.
Oh. And please drop off a comment. I'd like to know your thoughts on this.
Dedication; Kajskk because I've been able to talk to you about my thoughts, and because I know you share the same point of view as me on most of these things.
Disclaimer; I don't own H2O: Just Add Water. If I did, I'm not sure I would have changed so much in the third season. The Rikki I knew and feel in love with is definitely gone, so I guess that makes me feel a bit like Zane does.