A/N: Heyhey. Soli here. With another super random, cracky story for you guys. I had no one edit this, so it might contain some grammar mistakes.

I have nothing against gay guys. I'm just having fun, and writing stories is the only way I can get my friend to watch dramas and animes I recommend. Sad right? But oh well. Writing is fun.

This fanfic is written in the cracky perspective of Renji, from Bleach. Which I don't own. That was a disclaimer, by the way. Hoho.

Chapter One: Beginning Of A Fargy Story

It was a nice bright day.

Before something happened that immediately made that day comparable to all bad days I've ever had combined.

This day my sex was challenged. I can never forgive that old man.

Just because he's #1 Shinigami in Soul Society does NOT mean he can just order me around to his own little perverted amusement.

My name is Renji Abarai. And today I was assigned to go on a "top secret mission" with my captain, Byakuya Kuchiki.

The mission? To pretend to be a gay couple living in that little town where my ultimate rival, Ichigo Kurosaki, lives. That is so not cool. I'm supposed to be suave, cool, and most importantly? Straight.

That's right. I, Renji Abarai, am straight. Straight as a stick, for sure. For I would have to be straight to love Rukia! And I definitely am 100 in love with Rukia.

Forever, really. Since I've met her. We're soulmates, basically.

Anyways, now I have to live with Kuchiki taichou for three months in a small apartment. And guess when we're moving?

Tomorrow. We're moving tomorrow. Brilliant, right? I swear, Yamamoto taichou has something up his sleeve, because after he explained the mission, I saw his mouth twitching at the corner.

Here, I'll tell the whole mission in detail, just as he told Byakuya taichou and me.

"Kuchiki! Abarai! You've been assigned a very important, top secret mission! Tomorrow, you'll move into an apartment in Karakura town. You've both been there before, that's why I'm choosing you two. Kuchiki, you're playing housewife! And Abarai, you'll have to find a job in the town. Keep an eye out for hollows and stuff."

And the best part of this explanation by Yamamoto was Byakuya taichou's reaction.

His face turned all red, and he opened and closed his mouth like a fish, until I shrugged and dragged him out the room.

Oh well. It can't be that bad. It's not like we're REALLY going to be a gay couple. My unwavering love for Rukia will pull through in the end!

Wow, that sounded unbelievably cheesy. Haha, I've been reading too many fluffy novels that Rukia lent me. Seriously, you will not believe how sappy that girl is. Well, if I want to marry her one day, I'll have swallow my disgust and read them.

But some of those romance scenes make me want to throw up. Example of such a passage? "Ohhhh….mmmmm…Rose! I love you! Ohhhh!" "Peter! Ohhh, yeeeees. YEEEESSS."

What. The. Heck. Rukia reads that kind of stuff? To tell you the truth, I had no idea. Oh well. I'll have to adapt.

Speak of the devil. Rukia came into my room, and told me that she was assigned to go on the mission too. But she'll be staying with Ichigo. Darn that human.

She said that Yamamoto told her to help her brother and me out. And also, "keep an eye on us." That girl has a glint in her eye. It's an evil glint. Uh oh.

Should I be scared?

Wait, this is Rukia. She's the sweetest little thing that God has ever made. Why would she have an evil glint? My eyes must be mistaken. Yeah, of course that's it.

I opened my trunk, and started stuffing my clothes into it. Hmmm… how many pairs of underwear do I need? Do I have to bring my pillow? Okay, I'll bring it just in case. Bedsheets, toothpaste, alarm clock, staples, cup, beanbag, desk-light? Hm, I guess I'll bring all that too.

What about that big stash of romance novels Rukia lent me? Errr.

I looked over at Rukia. She was sitting on my bed and staring at me. Evilly?

I might have to rethink this "soulmate" business. She's starting to freak me out. I nervously stuffed some of her books in my trunk as well.

"Well, what are you looking at me for?", I asked her.

She wouldn't answer. Just giggled, and skipped out of my room. Okay. She definitely has something up her sleeve. Definitely.

I'd be stupid if I didn't know that.

A/N: I don't think neither Renji nor Byaku is gay. & they aren't even my favorite characters. Hitsuuu ftw.

And I realize the characters are all out of whack. Sorry! –runsaway-