"Hey, Rae, ..."
And with those two words, Raven's reverie was shattered. "What, Beast Boy?"
"I'm just curious about some stuff Rae, no need to tense up. If It's alright, can I ask you about some things?"
Sighing heavily, she put the book aside. This could take a while. Better to just let him ask now -especially since he seems to be taking this seriously- than to refuse him, only to endure hours of pestering. "What kinds of things do you wish to know about?"
Beast Boy sat down on the other end of the couch. Robin and Starfire were out patrolling, and Cy was working on some new something-or-other in his workshop. "I've been doing some thinking over the past few months,-" his eye twinkled in his I'm-being-serious-but-I-know-it's-still-funny kind of way "-I know, Beast Boy? Thinking?, but I have been, and I just wanna know, what's my strength?"
Do what? "Explain."
"Well, Robin's all Kung-Fu Ninja Detective, and a Natural Born Leader; Star's really strong, can fly, shoot stuff, and has a heart of gold; Cy's a Techno-guru, and has that wise-older-brother vibe; You're our resident Mistress of Magic, and probably the most mature person in the Tower; But what about me? You, Cy and Rob are all smarter than me, Rob, Star and Cy are better at close range fighting; I'm the only one on this team that doesn't have ranged attacks; You, Rob, and Cy are much better at the 'witty banter' aspect of crime-fighting; And to top it all of, everybody, Fate included, seems to enjoy picking on me. I mean, I can't even get you to crack a smile, for crying out loud, and I've been working on that for years! I just don't know why you guys even keep me around. All I'm doing is bringing the rest of the team down. If I was a better fighter, or a better friend, maybe I could have kept Slade away from Terra. And since I made sure we gave her a second chance, Slade was able to use her to almost kill us. And-"
Raven stopped him there, not wanting him to continue. He really doesn't know? "Beast Boy.-" he was looking at his lap- "Look at me.-" now, he was staring at her nose- "In the eye. Are you listening?" a nod- "Good, because I do not intend on repeating myself. In my opinion, YOU"RE the most important person on this team. YOU keep Cyborg from getting preoccupied with the loss of his body; YOU keep Starfire's head in the clouds, instead of letting the misery of this world destroy her good nature; YOU keep Robin from delving too deeply into self-destructive gloom; And it's YOU that gives me that glimmer of hope that I might not be that hated, monstrous Demon that I've believed myself to be all those years before this Team gave me a true family."
She would have stopped there, but, for some reason, she needed to convince him. "You and Robin have a lot in common. You've both been orphaned at a young age, had a strong Mentor/Father-figure afterwards to help you through the pain, and both of you have been on crime-fighting teams before, and understand the group dynamics inherent in that. And before you argue that point, did you ever wonder why you keep reffering to us as your 'family?' That inspires us instinctively to be open to and close with each other, because it makes us want to be a family. It's quieter than in Robin, but it's what gives you your leadership potential."
If- Azar forbid it- this team ever broke up, Starfire would follow Robin; Cyborg would find his own way, maybe join the Justice League, maybe go to S.T.A.R. Labs; But I'd follow you, and I know it. I can't tell you that, it'd be a little weird to hear right now, but it's true. I need that glimmer of hope.
"You share more with Cyborg than just video games as well. Both of you know what it's like to have a normal life, only to have it torn away from you and become something not-quite-Human. Both of you have used that pain to become more humane, and it has made you both stronger people. You've both experienced the unreasoning hatred that some people have for those who are 'different,' and you've both risen above it. Your immediate acceptance of him, robotics and all, is what caused him to be so open and caring with all of us. Were it not for you, He'd likely never come out of his Workshop, like Robin hardly ever leaves his self-proclaimed 'Evidence room.' He'd quite literally be only a shell of who he now is.
"You and Starfire, though both deeply scarred, have somehow managed to maintain the child-like wonder and innocence that is so rare, and so refreshing, in this world. It's that constant light that dispels the darkness that the rest of us are mired in that keeps us going, some more dependant on it than others.
"And me? It's your constant attention that keeps me too preoccupied with dealing with you that my inner demons can't get a word in edgewise. I'm too busy with you to even notice them. And you've got this strange ability to say exactly what I need to hear, at times. We've both had our hearts broken and been betrayed by those we thought we loved, and had those we truly did love die. We deal with our pain in completely opposite ways, but we have similar amounts of it. We both wear masks to hide ourselves and our pain. And we both are hurt by our powers."
"How do you-"
"I'm an Empath, remember? I sense it."
"...'deal with our pain in completely opposite ways'...? How?"
"Like I said, we both wear masks. And you've seen them, too. I have a statue in my room that shows them. 'The Twin Masks of Drama'- 'Comedy,' and 'Tragedy'."
"Your powers hurt you?"
"When I heal you, where do you think the pain goes? I absorb it, encouraging the tissues to heal quicker, and telekinetically realign bones as I go. As an Empath, I share the pain, but it's still better to heal you guys like that, than to deal with your constant agony ripping through my thoughts. Is there anything else you're curious about?"
"Just one thing, but it's kinda personal."
Raven froze.
"Don't worry, it's nothing too big for friends to ask about. Wait, I know we don't hate each other, ...but I don't know if we are friends. I think we are friends, so I guess we are friends. Right? Raven?"
"Yes, we're friends, Beast Boy. Ask your question. We can handle it."
"Your powers are fueled by emotion, right?"
"Yes. The more I feel, the stronger my powers become, sometimes becoming too strong to be controlled."
"Yeah, I noticed that. But, I wonder if your emotions would listen to you more if you listened to them some too, instead of bottling them up until they explode."
It took a minute or two for Raven to translate that out of Beast Boy-speak and understand what he was saying, but when she did, it hit her like a ton of bricks. He wants me to stop suppressing my emotions and start venting them? I listen to Wisdom and Intelligence just fine, and they're the most well behaved emotions I have. But Rage and Affection, my most ignored, are also my most troublesome. Perhaps he's on to something. I don't think I can do it alone though.
"I'll make you a deal. You help me understand and control my emotions, and I'll help you understand and control that animal inside you. Fair trade?"
"I don't know, Rae. It could take years, and it'd mean we'd hafta spend way more time together. Some people might get the wrong idea."
"Azar once said something about what other people think. 'Those that matter don't mind, and those that mind, don't matter.' She was very wise."
"Tawaba was wise too, and he once asked me, 'what is the point in struggling for life, if you do not enjoy the one you have?' At first I thought he was talking about suicide, but then I realized he was talking about survival based on loving your life so much that suicide wasn't an option. I guess this idea'll help both of us have a better life, so, I guess you've got yourself a deal."
"Then meet me on the roof at sunrise for your first lesson in meditation."
Beast boy's first instinct was to protest, but then his mischievous side kicked in. "Fine. But then you're giving me a guided tour of Nevermore."