Spock's shift had ended and he was looking forward to engaging in a challenging game of chess with his captain. How long had the ritual been going on? Spock could not recall. He found it most peculiar since he had a mind that remembered in great detail events that had transpired in his life.
He only knew now that he needed the captain's presence. Whenever he was not in control of his emotions he found that chess helped greatly. It negated the erratic invading emotions and put them at bay. He felt that sometimes the mere presence of the Captain was more calming than five hours of meditation. Not logical but it was the truth.
Lately, he had noticed a more deeper connection with his captain, his friend. A friend he had acknowledged on the sands of his home planet.
The sight of his friend lying still beneath him still made his heart ache, he had never thought that he could be so violent. Surak was right, the tight reining-in of emotion was their only way. Unleashed, he shuddered to even contemplate it.
It had been three months since the incident. Something he wished never to experience again. But he knew that it would not be the case, for he would burn again.
Spock walked down the corridor of the Enterprise. His step strong and confident that today the captain would not change his plans this evening. The game of chess had such a calming effect. When the captain had to cancel due to being fatigued or busy engaging in other activities not including himself he felt he could not describe the sensation.
It felt like he was telling him that he had more important things to do than to spend time with him. His chest would always hurt when his mind wandered there. Why would his chest hurt when he had not injured it in any physical contact, but it was there nonetheless.
As Spock was contemplating his dilema he was not paying attention to where he was going and nearly knocked the wind out of his captain. They exchanged appologies and than the captain spoke.
"Hey, you seem to be in a hurry. Going somewhere?" Jim smiled as he looked at his friend.
"I was merely being punctual for our game of chess this evening." Spock said truthfully.
"Yes, about that. I am sorry Spock I am going to have to cancel. I have a date with Dr. McCoy. I know you don't partake in shore leave but I promised the good doctor that we would go exploring tonight. You know Spock how McCoy likes the check out the bars and the ladies. I myself am looking forward to stretch my legs and engage in a little fun." Jim smiled again.
Spock could not speak he felt as though someone had violently ripped his heart from his chest.
He felt sick, a surge a vertigo struck him and he almost fell, but the captain was there to steady him. His touch felt exquisite and he found that he wanted more. His logical mind cried out to control and he managed just barely.
After his body began to settle a sense of jealousy began to emanate from his mind.
"Steady there Spock. Are you ill? Do you want me to get McCoy." Jim spoke concerned.
"You wished to play chess with me tonight and you cancelled yesterday and now again. You no longer seek my presence?" Spock spoke a hint of sadness in his voice.
"Of course not Spock.I enjoy are games of chess. I just promised McCoy a night out. You understand don't you?"
"Yes,certainly." Spock answered stiffly.
"Good,well I'm off. Hopefully the time away will help me to relax, and get rid of this damn headache."
Spock wished to flee. He longer wanted to stay in the same physical space with his friend.
"Good evening Captain." Spock spoke quickly before his commanding officer could see his bitter expression.
He walked briskly, almost taking another crewman down.
Finally, in his familiar quarters he felt relieved. He was away from the emotional humans. But what of himself. He acted irrationally towards his commanding officer.
Of course the captain had every right to spend time with his chief surgeon. He was his friend after all. But even though in his mind it was logical, he felt something in the pit of his belly.
A strong need, a desire of wanting that friendship only for himself. But that would be selfish.
Why did he felt betrayed, why couldn't he accept the fact that he wasn't the captain's best friend after all.
A moment of panic struck him and he wondered what was happening to him. He was acting so possessively that it shocked him.
He tried to reach the bed and the vertigo hit him again. What did the captain say? He tried to remember. A headache, that the captain was experiencing. Pain. And it dawned on him that he was the cause.
He needed to meditate, he tried to look at the needed to be near it now. He needed to know what needed to be done. But everything became a blur as the fire pot continued to shine bright, and he lay unconscious near it.