Life does not always go according to plan. There will be one day when some obnoxious event like your fiancé abandoning you to take care of her son from another guy, completely changes your direction in life. Your purpose for living, which was once to have a stereotypical "we'll buy a house near a lake and live a simple life" family, will solely depend on one eight year old's survival. This is Cas's life. He works as a bartender to support this second-grader diagnosed with leukemia. Technically, Cas could leave him whenever he wishes; he is not the child's true father, nor are there any documents that link them into a father and son relationship - Cas is not even married to the child's mother, for goodness sake. However, he does not leave him. He chooses to take up the responsibility as his father; he carries the burden of raising him, even though he has a low survival rate.
Every time someone questions him, "Is it hard to raise a child on your own?" Cas would smile as if it was the easiest thing he has learned to do. "I try my best," he would reply, never answering with a yes or no. As the person leaves, Cas would shake his head with a bitter smile. Nobody would understand him, regardless of what answer he decides to go with. Of course, it is hard. Nothing is ever easy in life. Cas learned that the hard way, but once he learned... he found it easier to accept Meg's decision Cas was back at the to leave without another word.
Yet again, Cas was back at Harvelle's Roadhouse, prepared to meet all the foreign faces and faces that were familiar to him. He was not a social person. It was not mainly a result of his introverted-ness; he simply despised people. Before Meg left him, he was a socialite. He was once one of these people who came here every Friday night, looking for fun and entertainment. In fact, this exact pub is where he first met Meg.
It was Hell entering the roadhouse every night at eight, seeing memories of him laughing along with his and Meg's friends. Everything around him reminded him of Meg and the fact that their lives were perfect before they were house-robbed, made it more difficult for Cas to accept that he could not do anything about her disappearance.
"One vodka martini, please." A man called out, bringing Cas back to reality. Cas nodded absentmindedly, "Will be right up," he replied nonchalantly. The bar usually overflowed with people when 8 o'clock struck on the clock. Four years ago, Cas could remember how empty the bar had been when it first began. Now, Cas could not even hear his own voice because of how crowded it was.
As he served the drink, the man thanked him and he went back to his stool. A certain brunette caught his attention from the corner of his eye. The man, probably in his late thirties, had his head supported by his fist - his elbow propped up on the counter. Cas did not know why the brunette even caught his attention; he was accustomed to seeing the same sight every day. The reason why people came to drink is either to celebrate or to mourn. There was no other reason. However, Cas could not help but pity the man's half-drunken state. With no other company, the man sat alone, mindlessly pouring another shot in his glass.
Cas was so close to approaching him when an unfamiliar gang entered the bar, making an unnecessarily loud entrance. It took just one familiar face for Cas to turn around in panic, pretending to be occupied with his orders. However, that did not stop the familiar man from calling Cas out with confidence.
"Castiel, tell me where Meg is." He spoke as if he were ordering a criminal to tell the truth in a trial. The bartender made one last Hail Mary before turning around and placing on a façade that seemed to speak the words, "I'm not afraid of you."
"How would I know?" Cas retorted back in a relaxed manner, intending to irritate Michael's impatient self. Michael let out a laugh of disbelief, trying to remain calm. His mocking grin turned into a poker face; he glared at Cas, silently threatening him to speak up or else something bad will happen.
"Because Meg left me for you, that's how you idiot." He blurted out in annoyance. Cas chuckled, trying to hide his anxiety that did not seem to lessen as time went by, "Well that's too bad… She abandoned me too." Cas spoke the truth, but Michael was greatly offended by it. He clenched his fist and swung it in Cas's direction, but a sudden force stopped his fist from coming into contact with Cas's face.
Michael glared in the direction of where the force came from, but the owner of the hand did not seem to care. As Cas opened his eyes, he made eye contact with the person who saved him. It was that man. "What the hell? Let go of me!" Michael shouted angrily. The stranger smirked, "Not unless you let go of his collar first."
Cas had not even realized that Michael was still holding him by the collar with his left hand until Dean pointed it out. Michael gritted his teeth and let go of Cas, simultaneously pushing him with force. Cas's back crashed into the counter behind him, but thankfully there were no bottles behind him. Dean's left eye twitched in anger. "...nicely." He continued before twisted Michael's arm into an 180-degree motion. Michael groaned in pain and nodded furiously, "...a-alright, sorry!" He yelled in a sarcastic manner. He sighed and glared at Cas one last time, "I'm not done with you," he muttered under his breath before leading his gang out of the bar.
As Cas and the brunette stranger were left alone, Cas continued to stare at the ground, feeling too ashamed to look his savior in the eye. However, once Cas realized that the brunette was looking behind him, at the drinks, he finally mustered up the courage to look directly into the stranger's eyes. They took him by surprise as they were an emerald color - just like his son's. He was so intrigued by his rare eye color that he had not noticed them staring back at him.
"S-Sorry," Cas stuttered in embarrassment. Dean smiled politely and shook his head, "I'm assuming you did not hear me… I was asking if the Light Strawberry Vodka is your special summer flavor." He asked in curiosity after reading the poster behind Cas. The flustered guy immediately nodded, "Y-yeah, would you like that?"
Dean shrugged, "Sure." Cas then nodded, "Alright, will be right up." He finally turned around and breathed heavily, trying to calm his weak heart.
Nine o'clock struck and Cas's job as a bartender has never been so hectic. After he served Dean's drink, he had not been able to strike up one conversation with the mysterious stranger and that somewhat disappointed him. Cas has never been so interested in someone before and it scared him to think that Dean could leave at any moment while he was too busy occupied with his customers. He would continuously shoot glances in Dean's previous seat and be relieved to see that the man was still there, slightly sober.
Finally, when the crowds were beginning to disperse, Dean was the only man left in the bar. Cas realized that the man who once saved him from Michael, who was also the polite man who ordered a light strawberry vodka, was no longer the man who fell asleep in his drunken state. As his manager let him go, Cas made an attempt of waking Dean up. "Hey, um… the bar is closing." He awkwardly let out, shaking Dean's shoulders. The brunette's eyes slowly opened, meeting Cas's blue pair again.
"Oh, hey." He chuckled, drowsily, "...it's you again." He continued after a moment of silence while focusing on Cas's facial features. Cas resisted the urge to roll his eyes, "Yes, it's me. Now, do you have a ride home?"
Dean bitterly chuckled, "I used to… not anymore."
Cas sighed knowingly. He was at a loss for words, but his manager was shooting down lasers from his glares, "bring him home so we can close the bar" he seemed to speak through his eyes. Cas nodded and took Dean's arm, placing it across his back to support the swaying man.
"...hey, where are you taking me?" Dean asked through his muffled, dry mouth. Cas muttered one last word before he put Dean in the passenger seat, "Home."
"Home? You don't even know where my house is." Dean laughed, his eyelids slowly dropping from the alcohol's effect. Cas sighed and shut the door before a walk to the driver's seat. As he climbed onto his seat, he cast one last look on Dean's sleeping face. Somehow, he felt at peace seeing a stranger sleeping his problems away in comfort. Despite not even knowing his name, Cas felt comfortable around him; he felt a need to protect him from all the problems that this stranger tried to drown in alcohol. Realizing how long he had been staring at the attractive stranger, Cas turned red in embarrassment.
"Just go to sleep," He muttered as he drove off with the brunette stranger by his side.
"Daddy!"
Dean groaned as he felt a pair of small hands shaking him awake as if there was no tomorrow. He sighed and shoved whatever was taking away his ability to sleep in peace, but was immediately woken up by a loud thud on the ground. His eyes flashed open as he heard sounds of crying from the floor. A kid? Wait, what is a kid doing in my apartment?
Before he could even register all that was happening, the door opened, revealing a very confused stranger who looked terribly familiar to Dean's eyes…
"Alex!"
The kid, who Cas just called Alex, was now sniffing at the sight of his unofficial step dad who immediately scooped him up in his arms, patting his back. He glared at Dean, "What did you just do?"
"I… I was sleeping! You have to understand… I don't even know why I'm here! I just wake up, expecting to be in my apartment alone, and then all of a sudden, there's this kid who wakes me up ferociously calling me daddy!" Dean retorted back as if it was the most ridiculous thing that has happened in his 37 years of living. Cas looked at Alex in a strict manner, "Is this true?"
Alex pouted and nodded in hesitation, feeling a reprimand approaching. He bit his lip and fidgeted with his fingers, "He… he looks a lot like dad." He admitted shyly, unknowingly melting Cas's weak fatherly heart. He had only seen Meg with one other guy and it was Michael. He had never met Alex's real father so he would not know how he looked like. Seeing how Alex missed his father, Cas assumed that he was a good man. All the information he got from Meg was that Alex's father was part of the United States Navy and died when Alex was only six. Meg never told Alex that his father died during a war; all she told him were the words, "He's at a better place now."
Alex, as a six-year-old, would not know what that really meant. Until now, Alex still wishes to see his father again.
Dean's eyebrows met at the center and Cas just gave him a 'shut-up-or-I'll-kill-you' look before putting Alex down on the bed. He sat next to him, while Dean sat on his other side.
"Alex… Your father is not coming back."
Dean did not know what to do. He had never been in such a situation where he had to comfort someone. All of his past relationships consisted of only two things: sex and flings. All but his last relationship that brought him back to his place. The woman who broke up with him no longer felt the connection. Ever since Dean lessened making love and tried to bring actual feelings into their relationship, his girlfriend broke up. He lost in his own game. The woman taught him a lesson; she showed him how he treated his past girlfriends. She gave him a taste of his own medicine, which did not seem to cure anything.
There was a reason why Dean never loved the idea of commitment and feelings. Born into a broken family, Dean believed that love would never last. The sight of his parents fighting every day caused him pain and endless suffering. It's like waiting for a bridge to fall apart, but hoping it does not because you're still walking on it. It's like watching the bridge fall apart, while you're still holding onto the small fragment which refuses to fall into the body of water below it. Dean was only eight when his parents got a divorce. They split up not because one was hurting the other; they simply did not feel the spark anymore. All their relationship consisted of was their financial problems. Dean could still remember the day he last saw his mother. She was already flirting with another man, despite only being divorced for a week.
His father became an alcoholic and when Dean turned 18 after graduating high school, he left home. Ever since that day, he struggled to finish college with the money he earned from his three part-time jobs. He vowed to be successful in life so that when he met his father again, he would regret his decision to give up on being a father to him. Unfortunately, when Dean came back, his college diploma in hand, his father was no longer there.
19-year-old Dean rode his Impala to the dark slums of his old neighborhood. Their house was still the same. However after four years of college, the house seemed as empty as ever. His mind seemed to go back 12 years ago when his family was still complete… and happy. He saw the three of them, playing on their newly cut lawn. His mother held the hose and chased them with it. Giggling could be heard everywhere, even in Dean's mind. His eyes unknowingly started to fill with tears. At that moment, all of his anger was erased from his heart. All he wanted was his family to be complete again. He wanted to be complete.
"You going, bud?" The taxi driver asked in a relaxed manner. Dean opened his eyes and wiped his tears away, "Yes, sorry." He spoke as he gave the driver a 20 dollar bill, "Keep the change."
He left the cab and with heavy steps, he approached the entrance of their house. His hand with the diploma was now trembling out of anxiety. He feared rejection from his father; he was afraid his father was still hurt by his decision to leave. After four years of no communication, he hardly even knew if his father was still here... waiting for him.
Knock.
A few minutes have passed by, but still… no response. Dean was starting to feel more anxious. He knocked again. And again, and again. Still, no response.
He turned around, but as he was about to leave, a familiar car drove in the street. The driver of the car was Ellen, whom Dean treated as aunt for the longest time. She gave him a friendly smile, but something in her eyes scared Dean. He could see a sad look in her eyes, but he could not quite pinpoint it.
As she parked in her driveway, Dean rushed over to greet her after years of not seeing each other. She smiled tearfully as Dean wrapped his arms around her. "Dean, you've grown so much…" She spoke sadly. As the brunette man took a step back, he noticed how the bags under his aunt's eyes have been more obvious. Her hair was no longer brown - every strand was now white as snow.
"Is... dad home?" Dean asked in confusion. He had returned to being a child. He hoped that with this diploma in his hand, he would finally be an adult. He would never be seen as a child again and all his hard work would pay off. However with one question, all his pride was put away. Ellen could not keep her fake smile any longer. Tears escaped her eyes at the mention of his dad.
"He died last year, Dean… He died of lung cancer. He wanted me to tell you that he's sorry… for everything. Those were his last words to you. I'm sorry I could not tell you sooner. I tried to call you many times, but you never answered any of them."
Dean felt like his world was spinning. Every single grade, every single cent, every single award and nomination he received on graduation day, every drop of sweat… it was all worth nothing in the end. His father could not see him. His mother was long gone. He grew up and only his Aunt Ellen was here to see his accomplishments. He collapsed on the floor, with Ellen there to support him. Dean shook his head, clutching his diploma with so much force until it formed creases on the thick paper.
"No… he can't be dead," Dean croaked in the midst of his tears. Ellen knew that no words could make Dean feel better, so all she did was wrap her arms around him while he leaned into her embrace.
"W-Why?" Alex asked with pure innocence in his eyes. Cas swallowed hard, "He died two years ago… but your mother did not want to tell you. He's gone, but he's at a better place now." He finally told the truth. Dean shifted his eyes in discomfort. He did not want to be a part of this. It reminded him too much of the very day that Ellen told him about his father's death. He knew Alex would react the same way. He would start crying in denial and possibly even throw a tantrum.
However, to Dean's surprise, Alex remained calm.
"A better… place?" He spoke softly. Cas nodded with caution and care. Alex smiled sadly, "Well I'm glad that he's there now… All that matters is that he's happy now." He spoke like an adult for his age. Dean's eyes rose from the ground to Alex. For the first time, he felt small in front of a child. An eight-year-old child let his father go. He let go of all the pain, the memories - good and bad. He truly loved his father. And that's the one thing Dean could not do. He still wanted to prove something until the very end. He wanted to show what he did alone; he never thought of apologizing to his father when he worked his butt off for college. All he wanted to do what to prove himself worthy. He was a foolish, immature kid. He was more immature than the eight-year-old in front of him.
"I… I have to go." Dean could not take it anymore. He stood up and left the room without casting another glance at the father and son. Cas opened his mouth to call after Dean, but he turned his attention back to Alex who just gave him a confused look.
"Who is he anyway, dad?"
Cas shrugged, feeling somewhat disappointed and confused at the same time.
"I don't even know his name."
As Dean left the unfamiliar apartment he woke up into, he was welcomed by the pouring rain that seemed to show no mercy to his already horrible morning. He silently cursed under his breath as he ran. He ran but had no clue to where he was going. All he knew was that he was escaping again. That's all he knew to do - escape. He escaped his responsibility as a son to take care of his father, no matter how terrible he was. He escaped the responsibility of trying to fix his family. He escaped his past girlfriends who all wanted commitment. He was a coward and until now, he still is. He escapes the stranger who let him into his house without even thanking him.
Dean halted in his steps and closed his eyes in frustration. He is not that cruel. He is a heartbreaker, a player, a rude person to those that annoy him, but he is certainly not ungrateful. He has the dignity of a person, not some opportunist who thinks it's okay to take advantage of others' kindness.
He turned around with heavy steps. Fortunately, he no longer had to take a long walk back. The person he was searching for was already there, standing right in front of him, at least a foot away. Both of them stood there, silently trying to search an answer through each other's eyes. Cas was not even wearing a raincoat. It seems as though Cas just slipped on some sneakers and left his apartment, eager to chase after some stranger who planned to leave without even saying a small 'thanks.'
"Would you mind going back?" Cas was the first to break the silence with that question. Dean was unsure. He kept running away from reality. He kept wanting to forget about his father's death, but Alex was not helping the least bit.
"...I have tea." Cas awkwardly added. Dean cocked an eyebrow, his sadness suddenly replaced by an urge to laugh at how absurd that just sounded. Was this stranger trying to get Dean to stay with the bribe of tea?
"It's quite nice drinking tea on a rainy day… don't you think so?" He asked again. Dean gave up. He could not resist the smile that kept trying to form on his lips which were too accustomed to frowning. He turned his head, trying to hide his smile but Cas secretly noticed. Upon seeing Dean's smile, Cas could not help but to laugh too. "So, is that a yes?"
Dean and Cas went back to the latter's apartment, completely drenched. Alex was already there, watching his usual favorite sitcom. He glanced behind him and his pupils grew two times their usual size as he saw them soaking wet. "Daddy, one second!" He shouted as he ran upstairs to get towels.
Cas gently smiled and Dean happened to catch it at the perfect moment.
"You look different when you smile." He commented subconsciously. Cas cocked an eyebrow as his smile disappeared, "Is that supposed to be a compliment?" He joked. Dean rolled his eyes, "Yes and you're supposed to accept it." He spoke with sarcasm. Before Cas could even return a witty comeback, Alex came dashing down the stairs with two towels in his arms.
"Here you go, daddy and…" Alex awkwardly paused when he realized he had not yet known the stranger's name. Dean smiled at the kid, his cold affectation unknowingly fading away at the sight of Cas's smile and Alex's act of kindness. He gladly accepted the blue towel while Cas took the green one, "Dean."
As Cas wiped his face with the towel, he smiled subconsciously, "Dean." He repeated, his name casually rolling off his tongue as if it was meant to be there. Dean nodded and avoided Cas's eyes, feeling strange for liking the way his name sounded after Cas said it.
"So, what's your name anyway?" Dean blurted out of the blue.
"Castiel," he answered, "...but you can call me Cas for short." Dean nodded in understanding, "Cas…" He hummed. He glanced at Cas with a small smile, "Well thank you, Cas… for letting me stay the night at your house. I guess I should leave now."
Cas's eyebrows rose in surprise and disbelief, "What? But we're having tea. Dude, you can't back out on tea when you literally drank a whole bottle of vodka last night."
Dean shook his head, "I just wanted to say thanks. I have to go anyway. My…" he took out his phone and pretended to see a missed call when his lock screen was empty as it usually was. He let out a bitter smile, She didn't even text me back, he thought to himself bitterly.
"...friend is looking for me anyway. Well, I'll see you around Cas. Thanks… and you, Alex," Dean crouched down and ruffled the kid's dirty brunette hair with a small smile, "...take care of yourself. Stay polite and the energetic child you are." He spoke, gaining a grin from Alex. "You too, dad- I mean… Dean." He let out a small smile of embarrassment.
Cas smirked and shook his head, "Well, I guess I should lead you out now." Dean nodded and stood up. He frowned as he realized his legs were still heavy. He looked down at Alex and felt his chest become heavy at the thought of leaving this precious child. "Dean?" Cas was standing outside and Dean had not realized how long he had been stalling time. His legs were frozen and he almost had to force himself to turn his back to Alex.
As he left the house, Cas chuckled at his previous actions.
"What, don't tell me you've fallen for him too?" He spoke in a vague manner. Dean knew exactly what he was talking about. He did not know why the child tugged at his heartstrings so much. He usually despised children, but Alex was different. He was the first child that Dean felt extremely comfortable around.
"It's not hard, actually. He's quite a special one. And it's funny because… I hate children." Dean admitted shyly. Cas chuckled and nodded, "So you've never thought of having children?"
Dean nodded, "It's… a long story. But yeah, I just don't see children as being part of my future." He spoke comfortably, smiling along the way.
Cas shrugged, "Me neither. But look where I ended up," He smirked as he remembered Meg introducing four-year-old Alex to him. He could still remember his horrified face when he realized his fiance had a child before she met him. Cas only knew Meg for two months, but still… two months is a long time for one to keep that a secret.
"Wait, so where's his Mom anyway?"
Before the two men realized it, they had already arrived at the bus stop. The bus was there, waiting for Dean. However, Dean did not want to leave so soon. He had never been so curious about one's life before. Usually, he hated interacting with people, moreover, he hated disclosing personal information to strangers.
Cas answered him with silence. Dean let out an awkward chuckle of embarrassment, "Sorry, I tend to ask too many questions…" He spoke as if he had asked something that could have put him in jail. Cas softly smiled, "Your bus is leaving."
Dean glanced at the sign behind him and saw that the next bus was arriving in 5 minutes, "I'll just catch the next one." He shrugged nonchalantly and took a seat on the bench to show that he was not leaving. Cas took the empty spot next to him and the bus finally left. Dean could not tell if the silence was caused by the emptiness of the bus stop after the noisy bus and numerous voices disappeared or the awkward tension between him and Cas.
"People tend to ask many questions about things they deeply care about. You seem like you care a lot about my son." Cas stated bluntly. Dean was not sure of what that was supposed to mean so he just kept silent and shrugged lightly, "I mean, who wouldn't? He's a nice kid."
"Would you be interested in becoming a father to him?" Cas asked out of the blue. Dean was taken aback. His eyes finally rose from the pavement and directly to Cas's face to see if the latter was being serious. Surprisingly enough, Cas had a poker face on. He looked melancholy, almost as if he wanted Dean to say yes.
"W-Wait, dude… I've only known you for a day- actually, not even 24 hours since I've met you last night at the bar. Also… just because he thought I was his father, that does not mean he would want some stranger to replace his own dad." Dean ranted in one breath. He was in disbelief, but he did not want to be rude about it.
Cas looked like a child who tried his hardest not to appear disappointed after his ice cream cone dropped on the ground. He bitterly chuckled, "I just… could use another hand, you know? Also… you would put your life to a better use. Instead of just mulling around over some ex, you could change one's life for better-"
Dean mentally thanked the Heavens that the bus arrived at the perfect time. He laughed as if it were the most absurd thing he has ever heard. He sprang up from his seat and threw his arms in the air, his blood boiling at the sight of Cas's flustered expression.
"So you're saying that my life is useless right now? You think you're much better than I am because you're raising a child on your own while I'm here drinking my problems away? Who are you to tell me what I should do with my life? For your information, I am a college graduate. I finished college without my parents' help, or anyone's in fact… I finished using my own money that I worked hard for. You know what? Just forget that you ever knew me. I was a lot better before I had someone judge me based on just one night."
"I… I didn't mean it like that," Before Cas could even explain himself, Dean entered the bus and as he went to the farthest back, he did not give the man one last look. Cas dejectedly sighed as he turned around to walk back to his apartment.
It's been a week since Cas last saw Dean. He has been regularly going to the bar, but there was not a sight of the attractive green-eyed man. He regrets he ever said those words and promised to himself that once he sees Dean again, he will apologize.
However one particular Friday night, he saw Dean at the lounge with another woman. He was obviously flirting with her, with his arm around her and all. Dean laughed, but even from afar Cas could tell it was a fake one. That laugh was fake, forced- it was everything but sincere. He sighed and continued to shake the drink he was preparing. He was unsure of why he felt bitter at the sight of them laughing to themselves. Dean's eyes were smiling, but they did not have the same spark as to when Dean met Cas. Unknowingly, the two men separated by a crowd of people and distance, made eye contact when Dean happened to glance up. Cas did not look away. Dean did, however. The moment he realized Cas had been staring at him, his smile faded away and he removed his arm from the woman's shoulder. He stood up and the woman seemed to ask him where he was going, judging from how she clung onto him before speaking.
Dean approached the exit and Cas's feet could not stay still. He was afraid of losing him, again. "No, not this time…" Cas muttered under his breath before chasing after the brunette.
"Are you running away again?" He quickly asked as he entered the outdoors, with Dean at least a foot away from him, his back still facing Cas. He halted in his steps, but he was not ready to turn around to face the man who insulted him a week ago.
"All I wanted to say is sorry. I'm not going to ask you to be my son's father. You are right. I have no right to judge you based on what you do during your Friday nights. I'm not any better than you because I was once like that. I partied every night, I had no direction in life. All I wanted to do was drink. My friends became my life, Meg… became my life. That was until Meg left me and I realized that I had so much to learn about life. It isn't always fun and games." Cas spoke seriously.
Dean finally turned around and shook his head, "No. I'm sorry. You are right. They say you should not judge a book by its cover but in my case… you were right. I don't have a direction in life. This is all I know to do. Ever since my parents got a divorce, I despised commitment. Even now, I'm running away. And… I want to change that."
Cas raised an eyebrow in confusion. Was this really the Dean he met a week ago?
Dean looked into Cas's eyes with complete sincerity, "I'll try. I can't promise you that I'll be a good father to Alex, but I'll try. I'm sick of this life. I'm sick of being reminded of how my parents lost love for each other and becoming an example of that every week. Who knows? Maybe you two will teach me to forgive. Maybe you two will perhaps… give me the love I never received from my parents growing up."
Cas could not hold back his smile any longer, "I guess you're coming home with me, then."
"Alex, daddy's home," Cas spoke at the door. Alex came running down the stairs excitedly, but as he recognized the familiar face on Cas's right, his smile faded away into an 'o' shape.
"D-Dean?" Alex spoke in a daze. Dean smiled softly, "Hey kiddo. Mind if I stay until dinner?"
The father and son exchanged eye-contact and Cas smiled softly, giving Alex a look of reassurance. Alex grinned happily, "Not at all!"
It continued on like that, for almost three weeks now. Before Cas would go to work, Dean would be at his apartment, ready to take care of Alex while Cas was gone. Dean broke off all his connections with his girlfriends- even the one he cared about the most, Lisa. Instead of spending his nights at the bar, he spent it with Alex, tutoring him on his homework, playing soldier, and sometimes even cooking for him. Dean was not the best chef, but he definitely could cook.
When Cas returned home, he would find the two either still playing or sleeping on the couch, with Alex clinging onto Dean's arm like a koala would cling to a tree. Cas somewhat liked seeing the sight. Alex was indeed right; Dean looked a lot like his father. He had the same green eyes, the same playfulness, and even the same smile. Maybe that's why Cas felt so comfortable around Dean.
He approached them and kissed Alex's forehead, fixing their blanket to cover their entire bodies. As he was about to stand up straight again, he suddenly stopped and his face hovered over Dean's. He was only a few centimeters away from Dean's sleeping face. As his eyes scanned his distinctive features, his heart slowly melted. He finally decided to kiss Dean's forehead, just like he did to Alex. "Goodnight, Dean." He whispered.
Suddenly as he turned around, he felt fingers wrap around his wrist.
"Don't go…" He heard Dean whisper, almost in a pleading way. Cas swallowed hard in anxiety. Was Dean awake all this time? He felt his cheeks turn red, but he was too curious to let this pass by. He turned around, but to his surprise, Dean was still asleep. He was sleep talking. Impossible, Cas thought to himself. "Dean? Are you awake?" He asked.
No response. Dean's grip slowly weakened. Cas took his fingers off, but before he could, Dean pulled him in. Cas lost his balance and fell on Dean, barely supporting himself from putting all his weight on the sleeping man by landing his right fist on the couch arm rest.
"Dude… You're awake, aren't you?" Cas asked again. Dean just wrapped his arm around Cas's back, "Stay…"
Cas was not sure if Dean was playing with him, but he decided to obey him. He sat on Dean's left, while the green-eyed man leaned his head on Cas's right shoulder.
"Don't leave me…" He slowly mumbled in his sleep again. Cas glanced at Dean's sleeping face. His eyebrows were at the center. That only meant one thing… he was having a nightmare. Cas felt his heart weaken at the sight. Then it came to him. He remembered Dean telling him that he had to pay for his college alone. His eyes shifted down to the empty space in front of him. He could only imagine what pain Dean went through. For the three weeks he has known Dean, he never asked the latter about his past. All Cas knows about Dean is his name and that he graduated from college with his own money. Does Dean even have a family member that he contacts with? Cas could only wonder.
He sighed, "Maybe you're not all I thought you were… Maybe you're not so bad, Dean."
That night ended with the two of them falling asleep in each other's arms… where they belong.
"Your bill is past due. I'm sorry, Cas. I have no choice but to kick you out." Miss Johnson spoke in a cruel manner. Cas looked at her in disbelief, "M-Ma'am, you can't do this… I have a son to raise, I… Not now, please!" He could not stop himself anymore. He was already going through so much and now even his house is being taken away from him?
"I'm sorry," She turned around and left, leaving Cas on his knees in his own apartment. He sighed and swallowed the growing lump in his throat. He clenched his fist and shook his head, "I can't give up now… I'll think of a way. I won't ask for help. I can do this alone." He told himself with determination after remembering how Dean stood on his own feet. If Dean could finish college alone, he could find a way to raise his son alone.
"Daddy, where are we going?" Alex asked out of curiosity. Cas dejectedly avoided Alex's innocent eyes. He continued to pack his stuff in the suitcase, "Somewhere. It'll be an adventure." He spoke seriously. He tried his hardest to make it seem like a joke so that Alex would not worry too much, but his voice remained dull and monotone. Alex remained worried, however, "Is… Uncle Dean coming with us?"
Cas froze at the mention of Dean's name. He had not realized how much of an impact Dean has caused in not only Alex's life but also his. He was unsure of why he could not bring himself to tell Dean. He somehow still had the pride of a single father, but at the same time… he knew in his heart that Dean would be ready to help anytime. He knew Dean was a kind person.
"...No." He spoke after a moment of silence. Alex frowned, "Why not?"
"Your Uncle Dean has already helped us enough… we can't rely on him forever. He'll eventually leave to you know." For some reason, Cas felt sad saying this. He knew it himself. Dean was only temporary. Dean was a human being. Humans get tired, humans lose interest, humans are afraid of commitment. Dean said it himself. He fears commitment and never hoped to have children. It would not be a surprise if one day, Dean decided to stop being a parent to Alex just because he felt like it.
Then Cas realized it. That's why he could not bring himself to tell Dean. He feared rejection. He feared that if he told Dean, the latter would refuse to help them. He feared the heartbreak that would follow that. Cas was afraid that Dean would not be willing to help them. He was afraid that he could possibly ruin the way Dean appeared in Alex's eyes… in his eyes. He did not want that to happen.
"But… But I love him." Alex spoke sadly.
Cas sighed. That sigh spoke everything that he wanted to say back.
I know. I love him too.
As Cas placed the last article of clothing he had in their suitcase, he closed the closet and consequently zipped his suitcase shut.
"Let's go." He spoke, grabbing Alex's hand in his.
Cas was unsure of where they were heading. All Cas knew was that he had a direction. He was walking to the nearest hostel where they could stay the night, or possibly- the week if Cas had not seen a cheap apartment by that time.
However as he was walking on the street, a honking sound suddenly caused him to glance back. The owner of the Impala 67 made his stomach churn. ...Dean? Cas thought in driver parked the car next to the sidewalk and angrily stormed towards them, his eyes blazing with hurt and dismay. "You really planned to leave like that? You planned to leave without even telling me?" He asked, obviously hurting because of Cas's selfish decision to prioritize his pride. He sounded more hurt than angry, which made Cas feel guiltier.
"I just… I knew we have already burdened you too much with our needs-"
"For goodness sake, we all know that isn't it, Cas!" Dean yelled in frustration. Alex was now tearing up at the sight of his two fathers fighting. He was so confused. It hurt Cas emotionally to see Alex like this. If it hurt Cas, it most definitely hurt Dean. The entire scene reminded Dean of the three years he saw his parents fighting. Once again, he was crumbling at the memories of his past uncovering before his own eyes.
"I'm… I'm sorry… I just wish you thought of calling me. You and Alex have never been a burden to me. In fact, I feel like you and Alex have helped me more than I've helped the both of you. You two brought meaning to my life. And honestly… I can't imagine life without you two."
Cas shook his head, "No, I'm sorry. You're right. I shouldn't have thought of my ego. I knew you were ready to help us, but I still had that fear in my heart. Maybe it's because after Meg left us, I lost hope that any sane person would ever want to help us. Meg completely ruined the remaining trust I had in humanity." Cas admitted, his strong affectation slowly disappearing in front of Dean's sincerity.
Dean softly smiled and ruffled Alex's hair. He crouched on his knees to meet the kid's eye level. Alex kept his eyes, still brimming with tears, on the ground below him. Dean sighed with a smile of relief, "I thought I would never see you again… Look at me," He spoke. Alex refused to look at him, but instead, he threw his arms around Dean and cried on his shoulder, "I missed you, uncle."
Dean shook his head and took the child's shoulders, pushing him back so that he could look him in the eyes, "Dad. You're calling me dad now, got it?" Alex smiled shyly and nodded, "Yes, dad. Just don't leave us…" Cas could feel himself turning weak at how much Alex had grown attached to Dean. Even he grew attached to Dean in a short period of time.
"And you…" Dean stood up to meet Cas's confused eyes.
"... are free to call me whatever you'd like."
Cas chuckled, "What would I even call you? Husband?" He asked sarcastically. To his surprise, Dean shrugged upon the suggestion, "You could. I prefer something that isn't stereotypical though for a married couple."
If Cas had been drinking during that time, he would have spat out of his drink. His cheeks started to heat up at the sound of them being a 'married couple.' Nonetheless, he smiled at the sound of Alex giggling from below. "What about… angel?"
"Why an angel?" Dean asked out of curiosity.
Cas shrugged as if the nickname meant nothing to him, when in reality, he deeply believed that God had sent Dean as an angel to guide them through life's many complications, "...Because that's who you are." He answered honestly. Dean chuckled, "No, I think you're the angel between the both of us…"
"Stop arguing dads! I'll be the angel." Alex grinned with a wink, causing both of the grown men to laugh along. If someone had seen the three of them, they would think that they were an actual happy, complete family.
Dean finally got his wish. For once, he felt complete… and it was not like any other completeness he has felt before.
For another month, things seemed to be too great to be true. Dean wondered every night if he was living a dream. For some arrogant playboy, Dean had never thought he was deserving of happiness. You could say it was his parents that caused him to think this way, but really, it was all in his mind. He believed that no one would truly love him and be willing to commit to his flirtatious ways. However, he was wrong. Cas showed him that there would be at least one person who could accept him for who he was. Cas taught him how to love.
That's when Dean realized that his feelings for Cas weren't as simple as he thought.
"Dean?"
Speaking of the devil, ironically, Dean's head tilted up at the sound of Cas's voice. Alex had fallen asleep in Dean's arms and they sat there, admiring the beautiful view of his house. Dean's house was quite huge for a one man who barely even went home before meeting Cas. His house was not like a mansion, but it was definitely bigger than Cas's previous apartment. Not to mention, Dean also had a porch where he could get a perfect view of the sunset in the evening when Alex tended to enter his slumber.
"Hey, Cas." Dean greeted with a smile, patting down a spot next to him on the white bench. Cas gladly took the spot and leaned back, taking a moment to admire the sunset taking up his view before speaking again, "I just wanted to thank you."
Dean's eyebrows slightly met in the middle before a smile formed on his lips, "For what?" He chuckled, not understanding why Cas would randomly thank him out of the blue. Cas softly smiled and shrugged, "For everything, I guess? I… I just thought of how lucky I am to have met you - not just because you already helped us so much, but also because you loved Alex almost like one would love his real son." He spoke seriously. Dean's lips could not go back to the way they were before Cas started to speak. His smile just kept growing. "That's because Alex isn't so hard to love either…"
Cas nodded in understanding, but what Dean said next made his mind spin in confusion and in unexpected euphoria.
"Neither are you, Cas."
The silence was in the air. The tension was so thick you could slice it with a knife. Cas did not know what to say. He loved Dean and he knew it; but would Dean feel the same way? He was not sure. To be frank, Cas was afraid of love. Ever since Meg left him, he lost trust in people. He would always overthink what one's real intention behind their acts. For sure, he did not question Dean's love for Alex. He did question one thing, however.
Dean's love for him. Heck, Cas did not even know if he loved Dean in that way. A month ago, as he was packing his stuff, he knew that Dean was special to him. But what if it was not in a way that a married couple would love? What if it was a simple love for a friend? It could be a million of things and Cas avoided labeling it this whole time. However just now, it took Cas four words to question his whole life.
"Cas?
Cas laughed, "Yeah, thanks for that." He blurted out, unaware of how long he had been thinking. Dean gave him a weird look, but nonetheless, he nodded back. "Sure thing, bud."
Things were never the same after that evening.
It seems as though life kept rushing Cas to think fast. Just when he was starting to realize his own feelings, a sudden whirlwind puts him into a dilemma.
The ex-girlfriend returns.
It was just a normal, cloudy Sunday afternoon. As usual, Dean and Alex were playing video games down at the living room and Cas was cooking an afternoon snack at the kitchen, which was just adjacent to it. Cas did not mind, however. It was quite fun seeing Alex continuously beat Dean at Mario Kart. He was cooking Alex and Dean's favorite afternoon snack (yes, they even share a favorite dish - that's how similar they are), some delicious apple pie. However just as Cas finally finished preparing the pie, some unexpected visitor suddenly rings the doorbell.
"Ugh, do I have to grab that?" Cas asked in disappointment. He had just grabbed a spot on the couch, planning to wake up in 30 minutes which was when the pie would be finished cooking, some idiot decides to disturb his routine.
"Come on, lazy head." Dean laughed, never taking his eyes off of the screen as he swayed back and forth. Alex giggled from the side as Cas rolled his eyes. "You two are really similar… both childish boys." He finally stood up, although he could have disturbed their game and got Dean to get the door.
Dean chuckled, "Boys will be boys," he joked.
"Of course," Cas muttered the second before he opened the door. His annoyed expression immediately turned into a curious, uninviting one. "Who are you?" He blurted out as if he had just seen a person with three heads. The visitor -moreover, a woman- just smiled, obviously a fake one. Cas could see through her mask and he did not like her already. His left eye twitched subconsciously, feeling his blood boil at the sight of her suitcase standing next to her.
She stretched her neck to the right, trying to get a better view of the interior- specifically Dean. As she caught sight of the person who was also the purpose of her arrival, a relieved smile appeared on her lips, "Okay, good. This is the right address." She spoke to herself, looking at the small paper on her hand. She crumpled the paper and threw it on the ground, before looking back at Cas. "Who are you? And would you mind letting me in?" She asked almost as if she were the one being disturbed on their perfect Sunday afternoon.
Before Cas could even answer, Dean hollered from the living room, "Cas, who is it?"
Cas gritted his teeth behind his closed lips, "I'm not sure. Would you mind coming here before I let her in?" He emphasized the last part, making it known that he does not let anyone in that easily. The woman rolled her eyes and scoffed under her breath, "If you just asked me, then I'd be more than happy to tell you."
Dean arrived at the door and Cas immediately focused his attention on his reaction. As expected, it was not good. Dean's bright eyes disappeared in an instant as he made eye contact with her. "Did you miss me, Dean?" She grinned and wrapped her arms around him. At that moment, Cas an urge to just push her away and drag her out of Dean's lawn. He never stopped glaring at the woman. Heck, he did not care if the woman hated his guts from their first impression. He had no problem with someone hating him back; it was a mutual agreement to do so.
Dean was stiff as a rock. He did not even hug her back. His face screamed the words discomfort and confusion. For that reason, Cas disliked her arrival even more. "Lisa, what are you doing here?" Dean awkwardly asked, but his voice seemed weak and obliging to Cas's surprise. It seems as though Lisa is a person Dean could not say no to.
"I'm here now, Dean. After I cheated on you, I realized how much I actually loved you more than I loved Matt. I cried myself to sleep, remembering how I lost something so special… more special than anything - and that was your love. But…" She turned away, almost as if she was trying to appear dramatic on purpose. Cas had an urge to throw up at her horrible acting, but to his millionth surprise, Dean was actually falling for it. She sighed, "...if you don't want me here, I'll just go." She spoke softly, her voice drifting off into the thick air. Cas was expecting Dean to say yes or any sort of agreement to Lisa's purpose, but the following words Dean spoke made Cas question whether or not Dean was still the same Dean from just ten minutes ago. It was almost as if Dean was a robot, following his owner's directions.
"No, you can stay," Dean spoke in a monotone, never making eye contact with the frustrated Cas. He had no right to go against him, though. This is Dean's house; even he was just a visitor who had asked to stay here for the meantime. In fact, Cas probably forgot his promise to Dean that he would not stay long. He was saving up for an apartment and if someone probably counted his savings, Cas would be ready to buy at least a one-bedroom and one-bathroom apartment.
"Oh my gosh, really?! Thank you, Dean. You're the best." She grinned and placed a small kiss on his cheek, causing Cas to clench his fist on automatic. Dean saw that however and he had to bite his lip before a smile could form upon his lips.
Beep beep!
Cas's eyes widened, "Oh, sh- I forgot the pie." He immediately dashed to the kitchen and found a burnt pie inside a smoking oven. He literally facepalmed himself after turning off the oven. He heaved a long sigh, "Great." He groaned in disbelief. He had never left his pie unattended and it angered him to think that Dean's ex was the reason for all his misfortunes today.
"Oh no, not the pie…" Dean sighed. Surprisingly, he came to Cas's side alone. The man wearing the apron panicked as he realized Dean left the woman at the living room. Alex was in that living room. Cas's eyes widened at the sudden realization, "Oh Dean, why did you leave her with Alex?!" He exclaimed, immediately dashing off to check on his son. Fortunately, Lisa was not as terrible as Cas thought. In fact, Alex was giggling on Lisa's lap, while the woman took a coin out of Alex's ear. "You like magic tricks?" She smiled, obviously a sign that she was yet another person who fell for Alex's charm.
Cas heaved a relieved sigh, while Dean placed his left hand on Cas's tense shoulder.
"Hey, relax… She's a nice person." Dean defended Lisa subconsciously, gaining a glare from Cas, "Don't get started on me, Dean." He stated angrily, walking off. As he left, Dean's hand dropped from Cas's shoulder lifelessly. He looked at the floor and back at Cas's fading figure, Why is he so angry? It can't be just the pie…
As Cas went back to the kitchen, he took out the pie silently. His mind running in circles. His heart weakened as he remembered Dean's broken expression just a few minutes ago. He himself had no idea as to why he was so infuriated with Dean. He seemed to have forgotten that Dean had a past life before him. Dean's past was Lisa. She occupied his mind during the years Cas's mind was with someone else. Not to mention, it was not only the mind that Lisa occupied. She held control of Dean's heart. So why should Cas be angry? He does not have a right to be; he's not even Dean's boyfriend. All he is and will ever be is the father of a kid Dean deeply admires. That's it.
"Cas?"
Cas flinched and dropped the glass full of water he was about to take a sip out from and as a result, Dean cursed under his breath out of shock. Before he could even react, Cas was already on the ground ready to pick the broken pieces up with his bare hands. He hissed as a small fragment dug deep into his forefinger.
Dean flinched as he finally woke up from his absent-mindedness, "Hey, stop! Take a seat. I'll be back with a first aid kit." He reprimanded like a father. As he left, Cas reluctantly stood up and sat down on one of the seats surrounding the marble counter. He watched his son play with Lisa from afar and he looked at the cut on his finger. Is this a sign?
Not much later, Dean arrived with a first aid kit and grabbed a seat next to Cas. He dabbed the cotton ball on the entrance of the rubbing alcohol bottle and took Cas's right hand with his left. As he placed the cotton ball on his cut, the injured man flinched with a hiss of pain, "Hey, be careful will you?" He winced. Dean chuckled, "What a crybaby." He joked as he blew on Cas's finger to lessen the pain, his lips less than a centimeter away from the cut. Cas could not help but to move his focus from the cut onto Dean's lips. His heart made flips that seemed familiar yet foreign to him. As Dean finished blowing, his eyes slowly rose from the cut to Cas's own blue eyes. For a moment, both of them ceased to exist in reality. All they saw was each other's eyes and what lay within them. In Cas's eyes, Dean saw loneliness and emptiness. Cas saw the complete opposite in Dean. Unlike on the first day he saw Dean, the green eyes were not empty and dull. They had something different… a spark. Dean softly smiled, which did something to Cas - something Dean did not recognize at the moment.
The green eyed man leaned back to grab a band-aid, "Spongebob or Hello Kitty?"
Cas's eyebrows met at the center, "Hello Kitty, obviously." He spoke with sass. Dean chuckled. He did not expect Cas to choose Hello Kitty, but reflecting back on Cas's love for cats, he did not question it one bit. He gladly took the bandaid and carefully wrapped it around Cas's finger. Another minute of awkward silence passed them by. As the band-aid stuck completely on his forefinger, Dean patted his hand.
"You're all good." He smiled, gaining an incomprehensible look from Cas.
"Am I?"
Dean shrugged nonchalantly, "You look like you are. I mean unless you're bleeding anywhere else…"
"Dean, I'm not okay."
The man felt uneasy for the first time since he met Cas. They had never fought before and it was quite rare to see Cas angry or upset. Dean was the type of person to avoid every conflict until a huge one finally blows up. Ever since his parents got a divorce, he hated the idea of clashing with someone he deeply cared about.
"Well, tell me what I could do about it," Dean started, but Cas let out a frustrated sigh, cutting him off immediately, "Dean, I don't know! For some reason, I don't feel good about her. Just from how rude she was earlier, I really… I just don't like her. And I know I can't kick her out because this isn't my house, but I was hoping that you would-"
"Cas, do you hear yourself? You sound like a jealous boyfriend." Dean spoke, trying to ease the situation into a funny one. However, Cas did not seem to get the joke and responded quite defensively.
"Don't get ahead of yourself, Dean. You may have a long line of girls in front of you, but I'm not one of them. Don't mistake me for another person you can leave whenever you lose interest in them." Cas brutally spoke, standing up to leave. Dean grabbed his wrist, and Cas immediately yanked himself off of his grip, "Why," he smiled, almost as if he were mocking Dean's smile from earlier, "...did that hit you? Are you going to deny it? You know, I'm smarter than you think. If you honestly think you could wrap me around your finger by saying sweet nothings, I guess we weren't on the same page after all." Cas bitterly spoke. All this time, Dean was staring into Cas's soul, his grip weakening by each word that the older one spoke.
"You know it's not like that, Cas." Dean seriously responded. Cas shook his head, "Then prove it. Prove to me that all this time, I wasn't just another guy to play around with."
The next few days were Hell to Cas. Dean, being the gentleman he was, refused to kick Lisa out. He did not love Lisa anymore, but she still meant a lot to him. She was the one girl who attempted to get under his skin; she was not like the other girls he previously dated. She knew him like the back of her hand and until now, she still treated him like her boyfriend.
Lisa spent the next week trying to get Dean back. It irritated Cas to the point that he would not even eat dinner with them anymore. He would purposely eat earlier without telling anyone except for his son. Dean noticed and strange enough, he pretended that it was okay to him. Like a man, he had pride; despite being around Cas for about a few months now, his ego did not change.
Until one day, Dean finally has to decide.
"W-Where are you going?" Dean asked, somewhat ignorantly. He looked so broken, like a puppy who had been abandoned by his owner. His eyes were soft, but they were far from peaceful. His hand trembled by his side as he remained frozen by the door. Cas did not stop moving; he continued to pack his stuff silently. He did not even glance at Dean.
"Why the hell do you care?" Cas blurted out heartlessly. Dean frowned, "Well, of course, I would care… We're companions, are we not?" He asked weakly, almost indecisively to Cas's ears. His voice trembled in anxiety.
"Oh, yeah. Companions," Cas repeated bitterly as if he just realized it all along.
"Cas, don't be like this… we can talk it out," Dean's arms stretched out in front of him, trying to ease Cas's pain, but it did not help one bit. The older between the two stuffed the last article of clothing in his suitcase, "Just let me go, Dean! I can't live like this anymore. I can't live every day pretending like everything's okay." He croaked between the muffled tears he tried to hide for so long.
"Shhh," Dean finally closed the remaining space between them and being the slightly taller one, he took him in his arms and shook his head, "...I'll tell her to leave. I choose you, Cas. When she broke me apart, you were the one who fixed me. This time, I'll make sure she doesn't break anything else. By anything else, I mean us; she won't break our family apart, I promise you that."
The following day, the four of them had one last dinner together- at least, known to Dean and Cas that it was the last dinner with Lisa. The woman was still happily enjoying her stay that Dean almost hesitated on saying his proposal. Cas kicked his foot and the green-eyed man had no choice but to gather up his courage.
"Lisa, um… I'm sorry for saying this out of the blue, but I wanted to ask if you could leave."
Lisa seemed taken aback by Dean's sudden declaration. She felt speechless, but somehow managed to let out some incoherent words of disbelief, "W-Why? Did I… Did I do something wrong? Dean, is it my clothing? Is it too revealing for you?" She blurted out in a rambling sentence. Cas suppressed the urge to roll his eyes at her cockiness.
Dean sighed, "No, you did nothing wrong, but-"
"Then why are you making me leave?!" Lisa finally broke down. She was on the verge of tears, making the situation ten times more awkward for Cas and Alex who just observed from the other side of the table. Lisa darted her eyes to Cas, "Is it because of him?" She uttered in disbelief. Cas could not resist it anymore; he rolled his eyes at her sudden accusation, which evidently turned out to be true. Dean could not reply; that was a yes. "You know what? Fine. Just know that you'll regret this." She spoke, almost in a threatening way. Dean was not the least bit threatened, though. He internally winced at how dramatic she was acting. He almost felt guilty for having to do this, but after seeing Cas smirking upon her departure, Dean could not help but to smile himself. He missed seeing Cas's smile. At that moment, Dean realized that he could not live without Cas. Even if he lost Lisa, he gained something - specifically, someone - who was worth more than any other woman (or man) he could encounter in the future… Castiel.
TBC