What I Know
Post Season 4 finale.
Disclaimer: As usual, nothing is mine but the idea and the words.
It was late when Temperance heard a soft knock on her door. A week ago she would have known it was Booth, but now two days after his release from the hospital, she was alarmed because his memory loss meant that it would not be him. He did not even remember who she was so he would not be the one at her door in the darkness of early morning. Quietly, she made her way to look through the peep hole out into the hallway and drew a sharp breath when she saw who was standing there. Stepping back, she braced her back against the wall briefly as though she could draw strength from the drywall and then moved forward to open the door.
As door swung open, he turned to face her. He had already been walking away, sure that she was asleep and would not answer the door. In truth, he had knocked quietly to make sure he did not wake because he was not even sure he should have come to her apartment. Seeing her now though, he knew that it had been the right thing to do- the only thing to do. She looked nervous as her eyes met his and he could see the hesitation when she tried to smile. His smile in return was automatic and it seemed to ease some of the tension in her shoulders. She stepped aside so he could enter her living room and he heard the lock click behind him when she closed the door.
"You're surprised to see me," he turned to face her as he stated this fact.
"Yes."
"I didn't mean to wake you."
"I was up- couldn't sleep," she tilted her head and regarded him thoughtfully as if trying to assess the purpose of his visit.
"Me neither. I was sitting up and trying to remember things."
"Booth- you know the doctor told you to take things slow and that your memories will come back when your mind is ready." Her voice held sadness and he noticed that she looked down when she spoke.
"He said 'might' actually…my memories might come back." There was frustration in his face and she could tell he was angry at his mind's betrayal. Never one to offer conventional token phrases of comfort, she could not reassure him. The truth was that his memories might never come back so she could not promise him that they would. She had never lied to him and she wouldn't start now. Instead she asked him a question.
"How did you find your way here?"
Booth stared at her for a long moment as if considering how to respond and then he turned. She let him move away towards the window and was not surprised that his back remained to her when he finally answered.
"The doctor told me to focus on what I know. To find something I could really hold onto and build from there." Booth paused and stared into the night skyline. "And I know you. I know that you are what I can hold onto. So tonight, when I felt lost and alone, I concentrated on you and the feeling I have about you. It led me here- like some kind of internal GPS. I just knew how to find my way to you."
The words settled between them and extended into a silence that she was reluctant to break. She didn't know what to say- didn't know what he needed her to say. She understood there was gravity in the moment and was afraid that anything she said might fall short of what he needed. So, she remained quiet and he was the one who spoke again and interrupted the stillness of the room.
"I love you." It was a statement uttered so quietly she leaned forward instinctively towards his voice. After he said it, Booth turned to face her again and she was surprised to see tears in his eyes. "I don't remember a lot of things, but if I focus on what I know- I know that I love you. My mind has forgotten specific memories, but my heart remembers you."
When he finished talking, Booth stepped towards her and she found herself unable to resist that intrinsic force that always pulled her towards him. His arms wrapped around her and she allowed herself to hold him tightly against her. His confession of imprinted emotion for her was overloading her senses and soon his shirt was wet with the tears she could not stop from falling. Then she heard his voice saying a phrase she remembered from another day when she had cried against his shoulder- when she was the one full of self-doubt and pain.
"I know who you are," he murmured. The quiet utterance caused her heart to hammer in her chest and she pulled back slightly to look up into his eyes.
"And I know who you are," her voice was soft, but filled with steady conviction as she repeated the phrase. "I know who you are."