Too much is not enough
Nobody said this stuff makes any sense
We're hooked again
Point of no return; see how the buildings burn
Light up the night
Such a pretty sight
She sat alone in the Divas locker room, waiting for the other Divas to arrive. This was it; after seven years she was finally hanging it up. She was almost relieved; but there was also a palpable feeling of sorrow. She'd been there for all of them, seen them come and watched them go. Chyna, Molly, Jazz, Lita, Trish, Mickie, Melina, Maria, Michelle...she'd been an adversary, she'd been a mentor, she'd been an ally.
To say she was disappointed was a bit of an understatement. Seven years with only two Women's Championship reigns to show for it. Because she'd heard the whispers. She wasn't as marketable as the fiery redheaded luchadore known as Lita. Because she didn't have the crossover appeal of Trish Stratus. It didn't bother her; she had only kept her head down and worked harder. If she didn't have a lot of television appearances, there was no reason why she couldn't hone her craft. And she had. And she had become one of the most dependable Divas.
She knew she was an oddity. An exotic looking woman with an insurmountable amount of strength. Her finisher alone struck fear into the hearts of many WWE Divas, which was just the way she liked it. She loved hearing the commentator's cringe and comment about how devastating she was; how she made Luna Vachon look like a sane woman.
"This is it," she told herself, staring into the mirror at her weary reflection. She wasn't yet in her ring gear; the show didn't start for another two hours and her match with Michelle wasn't slated until at least an hour into the show. She looked at the hulking knee brace that rested on her vanity desk. She supposed now that she had free time on her hands, she might look into that knee surgery that she had held out so many years for.
Adrenaline keeps me in the game
Adrenaline you don't even feel the pain
Wilder than your wildest dreams
When you're going to extremes – it takes adrenaline
She knew that the end was near when she was drafted to SmackDown. Away from the Women's Championship; away from the competition. She had gone from fighting women like Mickie James and Beth Phoenix to doing jobs for Maria and the Bella Twins. She was depressed in the sense that she couldn't remember when the last time she won a match was.
It was the love of the business that kept her going when she heard she wasn't marketable. It was the adrenaline rush she had stepping in front of the curtains; the feeling of being appreciated when the fans who loved her and hated her gave her the reactions she so desperately craved. She had sacrificed so much for the business; marriage, her life, her health. She remembered Steve Austin telling her not to get the surgery until she was absolutely sure she was finished. Now, here she was, thirty-eight years old, with a bad knee and what had seemed like a destiny of jobbing to Diva Search reject after Diva Search reject. It had almost seemed like a no brainer to her when she had finally decided to hang things up.
She remembered when the Women's Division mattered in the WWE. When women like her, like Trish, Lita, Jazz and Gail Kim were making the matches seem as important as the men's. She was a part of the first women's cage match. She had represented the Women's Championship at WrestleManias nineteen and twenty, and had shaved Molly Holly's head in the famed Madison Square Garden. Where had things become so different? She wasn't sure.
You don't feel the pain
She enjoyed the ride, the good and the bad. The pain and the frustration. Waking up in the morning with her knee acting up, with her back in pain, with bumps and bruises from botched moves and awkward landings. She always told herself it was worth it. The fan adulation, the bright lights, the squared circle...it was more addicting than heroin. She stared into the mirror and wondered if anyone was going to remember her contributions to the industry. She didn't want to fade into obscurity like Ivory and Molly, and she didn't want to become a train-wreck like Chyna had. Life outside of the business was so scary for her, but at the same time, it was welcome after working so hard for seven years.
Her knee was especially bad tonight. Maybe her leg was aware this was the last time she'd have to hit all her spots, but she felt the twitches of pain. Was she sure her career was over? She was sure it was a matter of time before TNA came calling to her. They had for Trish; and had even tried for Lita, but both Divas weren't interested. Not that she could blame them. Trish was focusing on life outside of the ring, no longer having to do all her spots and sacrifice her health night in and night out. The women sacrificed as much as the men, if not more, sacrificing motherhood and a traditional housewife role to succeed within the business. But yet they were still regarded secondary to the men. As the years wore on, Victoria watched women like her and Molly take the backseat for women like Kelly Kelly, Christy Hemme and Ashley Massaro. And whenever Victoria was told to job, to help Candice with her in-ring skills because her matches were train-wrecks on beautiful legs, Victoria would just bite her lip and do as she was told, taking the thankless role of a mentor with Fit Finlay.
Sail through an empty night
Only you and I who understand there is no plan
Get closer to the thrill
Only time can kill what's in your eyes
It's so alive
She would finally know what it felt like to see the inside of her living room more than eight times a month. The thought excited her a little bit. She'd get to enjoy more time focusing her life on things that mattered to her. The business had afforded her so much, and she had given so much to the business. But she knew it was going in a new direction; and it was the best time for her to step back. With the news of the company cutting back on ten percent of the company, she even wondered if she was just striking before they put her in the "Future Endeavors" club with Armando Estrada and Bam Neely. She wasn't a conventional Diva by any stretch. Most of them were blonde; her hair was jet black. Most of them enjoyed stints in Playboy and gained fan recognition by their looks alone. She wanted to be different. Sure, the opportunity to pose in Playboy would have been neat. But she was more than happy to inflict pain in the ring.
Run through the speed of sound
Everything slows you down
And the colors that surround all bleed into one
Only thing you really need is when you find your speed
Then you will achieve, escape velocity
She'd seen them come. She'd watched them go. She was the last of the veterans. She didn't want to retire yet; she had wanted at least one more shot with the Women's Championship or the Diva's Championship; but Vince had made it perfectly clear that it wasn't in the cards. She reached into her bag and grabbed her outfit for the night. The other girls would be arriving soon. Nattie had wanted to travel with her; she had been the first to know about her impending retirement. But Victoria knew she needed to be alone with her thoughts. This was the hardest decision she'd ever had to make; to walk away from a business she loved so much. She was conflicted; but she knew that things were different now.
She studied her reflection in the mirror, admiring her outfit, fixing the silver black widow on her torso. Her last match and she was jobbing to Michelle McCool. It had been Vince's last request; the fans weren't behind her, no matter what they did with her. The word had spread about her relationship with the Undertaker and there was a lot of backlash against her as a result. They had tried to push her as the next Trish Stratus; it had failed miserably. Michelle didn't have half of the charisma that Trish had, and a few bad experiences with fans had made it impossible for anyone to get behind her. They had turned her heel; and the fans still didn't care all that much. Vince had told her that the best thing that could happen for the business was if Michelle could get some kind of rub from Victoria. She had nodded and said not a problem; but deep inside, she was almost hoping for the storybook ending that Trish Stratus had received. Instead she was getting the Molly Holly treatment; jobbing to a Diva Search contestant on the way out. It didn't bother her all that much; she knew that the new generation had to get over. There was even buzz backstage that they were negotiating with Trish to have a match against Michelle at WrestleMania 25 in hopes of getting her over. It just wasn't working for them.
She slid on her kneepad as a technician came in. "Vic, we need you at the interview monitor." She nodded and took one last look in the mirror. This is it, she thought, Showtime.
Too much is not enough
Nobody gave it up
I'm not the kind
To lay down and die