Author's Note: Okay, so I've got the Ciardi translation of The Inferno, and a ton of anime and manga under my belt. It is time. Oh, and I don't really have the patience to write in Dante's ryhme scheme, so Kyon will be his usual Kyon-ness.
Disclaimer: I am not Dante Aligheri, nor do I own The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya.
Unbelievable.
First, I had actually agreed to go along with Haruhi's ridiculous "let's go look for cryptids in the woods while we go on a camping trip" idea. Maybe it was a prospect of a weekend with the lovely Asahina-san and even the ever-reliable Nagato that led me to wander into the forest with Haruhi and Koizumi. But then, Haruhi decided that, for whatever reason, it should be my job to pitch all of the tents. I guess I had gotten used being ordered around by that psychopath, since I just did it. But no, the tents couldn't go up there. The tsuchinoko and the hibagon would never appear to us if our tents were set up that way. After pitching all the tents for the third time and being told that they were still wrong, I felt quite justified in telling Haruhi off and storming into the woods. As I left, Koizumi and Asahina-san frantically attempted to fulfill Haruhi's desires. And now… And now… Wait…
"Where the hell am I?" Talking to myself wasn't helping matters. I was lost in the middle of the woods, and to think of it, I was starting to get a bit peckish. Thanks a lot, Haruhi…
I saw a little hill not too far away. Maybe if I stood on it, I would see some sort of landmark and find my way back to camp! Yes! I ran to the little hill. Almost there…
But my path was blocked by a leopard, a lion, and a she-wolf. What the hell? Where did these three come from? To the best of my knowledge, there were neither leopards nor lions nor wolves in this forest. Maybe they had escaped from a nearby zoo… What nearby zoo? Perhaps Haruhi's tsuchinoko would show after all…
Regardless, the three beasts seemed intent on blocking my way up the hill. Crap… Now what? Discouraged, I went deeper into the woods. Stupid carnivores with fangs and claws that come out of nowhere…
But my luck wasn't all rotten. I saw a familiar face as I stumbled through the trees. A girl who was still wearing her North High uniform, even on a weekend camping trip…
Nagato! Thank God! I got lost, and I'm starting to get hungry! Is it a little cold out here?
"Follow…" Nagato beckoned me. I was getting back to camp. Thank God, or thank Nagato, or even thank Haruhi! As long as Nagato was there, nothing would go wrong.
"This way… It will be difficult, but it is the will of Haruhi Suzumiya."
Back to camp… difficult… will of Haruhi… What?