I had never told them.
Not even my best friend, Two-Bit.
When they would tease me about boys and not having a boyfriend, I would force myself to laugh along with them, but my laughter sounded fake even to me.
If I told them it would break their hearts. I had heard whispered stories that traveled around the school of families kicking out their children or disowning them after discovering the the truth.
What was even worse was the clinics and programs that were designed to "cure" it. It was like a virus, a disease, that had to be cured like a cold or the flu or pneumonia.
Hell, I didn't even have the nerve to say IT. It, it, it, everyone would whisper. There was a constant fear, as if saying it, could turn you into a freak, infecting you and forcing you to go to one of those goddamn clinics where they would lock you up for days and try to kill your illness.
But it wasn't an illness. At least, I didn't think so. I had had scarlet fever when I was younger, and I was sick for a little more than a month, and then I got better. IT was something else. Something permanent, like a birthmark or a scar.
Some people spoke about it like it was a very scientific reaction of cells and chemical imbalances. "It's not real," they would reassure us, as we listened wide-eyed. "It's a mental issue that can be resolved."
It had slowly become an unspoken fear, a rumored plague. Boys could get jumped for looking at a man the "wrong" way, or for spending too much time shopping or knitting or any other activites that could hint that you have IT.
Nobody would accept it.
That's why I would never tell them.
I turned to the mirror hanging on my wall, after checking that nobody at home would be able to hear my quiet whisper. I traced my reflection on the dusty mirror and uttered almost silently, "I, Natasha Jane Curtis, am a lesbian," I could imagine Darry's face turning red in anger and his fists balling up, Soda's pretty face twisting in anger and frustration, and Pony's accusing glares if I ever said the truth.
If only I had the nerve to tell my brothers that. Instead, I found myself agreeing to go on a blind date with Soda's friend.
Damn.