It had been a month since Lucien's return home following his traumatic fall off the bridge in Sidney. He still suffered from headaches and dizzy spells caused by the whack he'd taken to his head in his fall, but Jean was so happy to have him back home, she wouldn't have cared if he had come home green.
They were just starting to find their new normal again, nearly a full year after he had disappeared. The months he had spent first unconscious and then fighting to regain his memory had taken their toll on him, while the months of wondering and grieving had left their mark forever on Jean. She had grown in confidence and statue since he first disappeared, and of the many things he had to get used to being back home again, her new found confidence was the one that most pleased and surprised Lucien.
For his part, he found himself wandering like a ghost through his old life. He wasn't quite well enough to resume his duties as a doctor as police surgeon, and even if he was, Jean didn't plan on letting him out of her sight again any time soon. The first days back had been a joyous celebration of friends dropping in to welcome him, home but after a little time had passed, nearly everyone realized that what Lucien and Jean needed most was simply time spent alone together.
That was why, this Christmas, the first after his return, Matthew had quietly left the house for Alice's early in the morning, the two of them agreeing that this year, the Blake household needed rest and quiet for the holidays.
And quiet was what it was; Lucien was uncharacteristically silent through the breakfast the early morning. He was as affectionate as ever, greeting Jean with a kiss when the awoke and sneaking up behind her while she stood at the stove to wrap his arms around her waist, but he wasn't his typical, chatty self either.
At first, Jean figured he had a headache and left him to his own devices. But after a while, the silence starting getting to her. This wasn't like him. In fact, come to think of it, he usually didn't suffer in silence. It was all dramatic collapsing into chairs, declaring that his head hurt, or bemoaning the fact that he had to lay off the whiskey for a while longer. The silence was very unlike him, and now she was worried.
Not wanting to show her concern or let him know that she was upset, she tried filling the silence instead. She tuned the radio to a station playing carols and sang along as she started preparations for the pie she'd be serving after dinner later.
When that became unbearable, she started babbling to Lucien about all the changes in town. Most of them she'd told him before over the last few weeks after his return, but she couldn't seem to stop now. And through it all, Lucien just sat gazing out the kitchen window, not saying anything. It was beginning to unnerve her.
Her mind starting going to places she hadn't let it in a long time. Yes, he was home, but was he the same man? Had the fall changed something about him? Something fundamental that would mean that her love for him would have to change also?
These were thoughts she'd had in the past few weeks, staring at him as he slept, wondering if deep down he was the same man. She had him back now, but would she have to mourn for him anyway? The thought kept her up at night sometimes until she pushed it away.
After what felt like hours of trying to fill the silence in the house, Jean finally decided to take a walk. She'd drawn so much comfort from Lake Winderee in the last year, maybe a quick stroll down there to clear her head was in order. And perhaps what Lucien needed was a little time to get his own thoughts in order, too.
Checking first to make sure he was fine with her absence, Jean left Lucien to his own devices in the house. It didn't occur to her that this was essentially the first time he had been left alone since his return.
She took her time walking to the lake, then sitting and just gathering her thoughts for a while. Eventually, she resigned herself to the fact that maybe this was the way it would be from now on. Lucien would be different, and she would have to adjust. Squaring her shoulders, she made her way back home.
When Jean arrived at the house, she called out to Lucien as she entered, realizing only now that she hadn't left him on his own since his return. She began to panic slightly when she didn't hear him reply.
"Lucien?!" she called out again, making her way to the kitchen, which she found empty, save for a giant mess on the stove.
Finally, his answering call of, "Jean!" echoed from the studio. Concerned, she made her way back there. They had been sleeping together in Lucien's old room since his return; it had still been too much for her to open up their new room.
She entered the studio with trepidation, only to find a beaming Lucien standing in front of a roaring fire, the dust clothes removed from the furnishings, and a tray with what appeared to be two cups of cocoa and some rather burnt Christmas cookies.
"Jean!" Lucien reached out to her with both hands, continuing to beam like a little boy on, well, Christmas morning. "You're just in time!"
"Just in time for what, Lucien?" she asked as she advanced toward him and sat down on the edge of the sofa in front of the fire.
At that, Lucien turned serious, sitting down on the sofa beside her and running a hand down the back of his head.
"Well," he began, hesitating for a moment as he looked into the fire, "I realize what a terrible burden this has all been on you. First my disappearing, then my turning up again nearly a year later. And I've wanted to find a way to make it up to you, but whenever I've tried, I haven't been able to come up with the right words or actions."
At this, Jean interrupted him, "Lucien! You have nothing to make up to me at all," she began, but Lucien began shaking his head.
"No, Jean, let me finish. This has been a terrible burden on you – look at you, do you realize that today is the very first time you've gone and left me on my own since I returned? Prior to this, you've always made sure someone was here, or you found excuses why I needed to accompany you into town. Not that I've minded, but it's been harder than I expected, getting back into a routine. That's why when I saw my chance earlier, I leaped at it. I'd been wondering all morning what I could do for you this Christmas, to show you how much I love you, how much I appreciate everything you've done," here he held up his hand as Jean tried to interrupt him.
"And I knew that whatever I did, it wouldn't be enough. And when you went out, I realized that I didn't need to make a grand gesture. What I needed to do was reassure you. Let you know that it's OK to relax, that you don't have to worry about me constantly.
So, I took the time to prepare an evening for you; what I want most this Christmas is to have the two of us, just relax together. Take the time to reconnect with one another the way we were. I made us some cocoa and tried my hand at your shortbread recipe – I'm afraid I've made rather a mess of that – and I built you a fire. I realize that it is a trifle too warm out for one, but I think it's time we reclaim the studio, don't you? And what better way to do that than relaxing in front a fire, just the two of us on Christmas day." Lucien beamed at her again, until she began to laugh. He was back. Her messy, unpredictable, loving husband was truly back.
"You're right," Jean conceded, smiling at him. "It is time I relaxed, and we reconnected again. And it's also time to reclaimed the studio and got back to being us." She reached out to take a cup of cocoa, when Lucien stopped her.
"One more thing," he told her, his eyes glittering in the fire light. "Look up," he told her.
She did, and hanging from the gold flecked ceiling was a sprig of fresh mistletoe. "Lucien!" she gasped, just before his mouth came down to claim hers, all thoughts of the cocoa and her worry evaporating into the night.