No Matter What It Costs
K Hanna Korossy
"I just wanted to say that Cas told me what you're doing for Dean. And I'm not asking you to stop, but maybe going behind his back ain't the best idea. Your brother, he can be stubborn. But I think he'd understand. And I know it's the life…doing a little bad so you can do a lot of good. But sometimes the bad's real bad, and the good…it can come at one hell of a price. I ain't there on the ground, and whatever you do, I know you'll make the right choice. You're a good man, Sam Winchester, one of the best. And I'm damn proud of you, son. I was content up here. But getting the call from you, it's the happiest I've been in forever, no matter what it costs. So stay safe, keep fighting, and kick it in the ass." - Bobby's letter to Sam in Inside Man
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So, it was a fun evening. Not Comic-Con, up-for-48-hours fun, but, like, family fun. The kind she hadn't had in, oh, two decades? Not since her family died.
But now Charlie had two brothers, and an angel BFF—seriously, there were so many times she wished she could blog this—and she'd found the badass Book of the Damned and survived to tell about it. Okay, yes, so Sam'd had to burn said book to keep Dean from going all Gollum, and she'd needed to actually kill a bad guy or two, and had gotten freakin' shot. But still, family. And pizza and beer, and tall tales the kind Mr. Carver Edlund never even dreamed of, and hilarity. Even Dean was laughing, and if he could forget all the bad stuff for one night, she sure could.
Except Sam… It took a while, but she realized Sam wasn't snickering as much as the rest of them, and when he was, it didn't sound totally genuine. And after even longer, she realized Dean had seen it, too, but he got it—Sam was bummed about the book—so they were just gonna pretend Sam was okay and enjoy the night.
Charlie had been totally on board with that plan at the time. Nothing was gonna keep her from hearing about the squonk hunt, after all, or the time with the familiar that fell in lust with Dean. It didn't seem like Sam wanted any attention, anyway, so, screw it, they could forget for just one night that Dean wasn't still in serious trouble. They'd think of something in the morning.
But as Charlie lay in bed in "her" room—Dean had even found a Hermione poster for it, like she needed more reasons to love him—and, oh, hi, it was already officially morning—she wondered if Sam was having the same trouble sleeping and not thinking about their total failure to save Dean the day before. And some other things that had been in Edlund's books that added up to some disturbing thoughts, and…yeah, she was just gonna go see if he was awake.
The glow coming from the library gave her the answer. Castiel said he didn't sleep, but he did go to his room for the night because his just sitting in the library all night apparently gave Dean the creeps. And if Dean was up, Charlie had an idea he'd be in his room where no one could see him angsting. So that left her fellow nerd and researcher.
Who looked up with tired eyes when she crept into the room. "Hey, Charlie. Everything okay?"
"Yes. I mean," she made a face, "not really? I mean, I can't sleep because…you know."
Sam nodded, shutting the book he'd been reading. "I know you had to shank that guy today—uh, yesterday. I'm sorry."
"Oh! No, it's not that. I mean, yeah, that…wasn't good." And she probably should've been disturbed by how not disturbed she was at actually stabbing a person in RL. But one freak-out at a time. "It's just…" She came closer, and when Sam waved her to the seat across from him, she took it, perched on the edge. "I really thought we had it, you know? That the book would help us fix Dean. I mean, I chased that thing all over Europe. And then to have to burn it? That sucks."
"It does." Sam's face did this thing, just for a second. Like that weird guilty-slash-embarrassed thing he did when they'd talked about Dean being in Purgatory. Like he was hiding something.
She thought for a second, frowning. Tilted her head. "And…we don't have a Plan B right now, do we? I mean, so far the Book's been it, right?"
"Right." He was still nodding like a bobblehead.
Full-on red alert now. She sat back, all fake casual. "So. Dean made a deal to save you once, but we all know how that turned out. And he got Death to go all Orpheus and get your soul back, right? And then he saved your life after the Trials—in a douche way, yeah, but it worked."
"Yeah…" Sam's brow was furrowed: he was trying to figure out where she was going with this. She couldn't blame him; she herself wasn't sure she knew where this path led, or if she wanted to go there.
She leaned in, clasped hands inches from where Sam's rested on the table. "So," she said gently. "I know you want to return the favor, but—" But, that usually didn't turn out so well. But, even though Sam hadn't saved him from Hell or Purgatory or the asshat angel who stabbed him, Dean had always bounced back. But, the Book had been too dangerous to not destroy…
"It's not like that," Sam interrupted her, and she saw the one hundred-percent real worry that took over his face. "I mean, yeah, okay, you're not wrong. I owe Dean…everything. But…this isn't about me. I think I've finally learned that lesson, you know? That loving someone sometimes means letting them go." His face darkened with memories she could only imagine. "I would've after Metatron if I'd had to, if I was sure Dean was…at peace." Again a flash of something in his face; Charlie was guessing he had tried something to get Dean back before realizing he wasn't dead anymore. Sam sniffed and shook his head. "But if he dies, he just comes back as a demon again. And if we don't get this Mark off him, he's gonna turn into a demon anyway. There aren't any other options, Charlie. And not just for Dean's sake—can you imagine an unkillable demon-Dean unleashed on the world?"
She had actually heard a little bit about it, the bar fights and karaoke thing, which made her fondly exasperated that only her boy would make such a lame demon. But that had probably just been the beginning. If the Mark kept getting stronger, if he became less and less the Dean they knew and loved… The thought made her shiver. She'd caught a tiny glimpse of that Dean through her evil clone's eyes, and it'd been chilling.
"Exactly," Sam said off her expression. "So, yeah, that's why I gotta figure this out, whatever it takes."
Whatever it takes. That made her a different kind of cold. Because she'd read the guys saying similar things when Dean sold his soul, when Sam had drunk demon blood, when Dean let an angel invade his brother. When they did something stupid and desperate for the other.
Like…
Charlie swallowed. "No matter the cost," she said quietly. Like not burning a dangerous book.
His eyes narrowed just a fraction; she forgot that they'd gotten to know her well enough to read her, too. But all Sam said was, "No matter the cost."
She was the first one to look away. "Right." She forced a yawn. "Well, think I'm gonna, you know," she pointed back over her shoulder, "give bed another try." She got to her feet, stumbling a little, smiling at Sam when he reached out to catch her arm. She meant to say thanks, and good-night. But what came out was, "Be careful."
He nodded, his own half-smile far more grim. "Good-night."
Charlie did go back to bed after that, but it was a long time before she found any sleep.
And, yeah, color her not the least bit surprised when Sam called her two weeks later and asked for her help translating a completely burn-free Book of the Damned.
The End