Thank you to inlovewithboth for her speedy & helpful beta! :D
What did Father say?
by Allie
"What did Father say?"
Doyle said it jokingly, but afterwards I thought about it some more. Calling Cowley 'Father' is a bit of a stretch, and I know he meant it as funny, but—
It's not funny. Not one bit.
I ran away from home at fourteen to have adventures. And to get away from some things. Ray has his own father issues. He never talks about his father. Doubt he ever will. But he told me once he joined the boys in blue hoping for something he couldn't get at home—discipline. (He told me when he'd had a few too many; I don't know if he remembers.)
"Hoping to get some discipline," he'd said, looking a bit unsteady, his eyes getting a glazed over look as he almost slid off the chair. He pronounced 'discipline' very carefully.
Who wants discipline, mate? You want to go out and do your own thing. But Doyle, it's like he's afraid of that part of himself. Uses it often enough, but sort of afraid he can't control it. The temper. The danger in him.
Of course he can—I know that. But he doesn't seem to.
So—Father. That sort of makes sense in Ray's twisted old world. Cowley gives you a long lead, but he'll discipline you well enough. Keeps a tight ship does our Cow.
If that's what Doyle was looking for all his life, he's found it—and not found it. 'Cause Cowley won't step in and stop you from something unless he really thinks he has to. He doesn't care much what we do if we do our job, and so we push it sometimes ('admiringly insolent,' I like to say), but push it all the same.
So taking into account Ray's dark side, that one he parades around and uses to send the bad guys shaking in their boots, that thing he acts like he isn't ashamed of but really he is…maybe he's talking close to the truth when he calls Cowley 'Father:' Cowley's someone he can respect and has to listen to, who'd stop him if he ever really needed to be stopped.
And the Cow might just be better than Doyle had father-wise, mate. At least you know where you stand with Cowley. He'll tell you straight. Ray needs that.
Suppose I could tease him about this, but I might be wrong. Anyway—if I'm right I don't want to know. I'm certainly not one to bring up fathers or their lack.
Yeah. Ray was just kidding around anyway. Not like he needs a father at his age, anymore than I do at mine.
Cheers.
Talking to yourself, Bodie?
Nobody else much to talk to, is there, mate? Nobody that'll listen.