Kalinda had always been good at reading people. On the playground she had carefully picked the people whose lunch she could steal without getting in trouble, and these days she knew exactly which cops would be receptive to her investigative skills (the high-heeled boots and unbuttoned blouses, in particular). So it was no surprise that when Alicia entered the office that morning, Kalinda instantly knew her secret was out.
Contrary to popular belief, Kalinda did not like confrontations. Sure, she liked them when she was the one doing the confronting, but when that wasn't the case, she would do anything to avoid them. She was out of the building before Alicia had a chance to sit down. The case she was working on kept her busy for most of the day, but during every free moment her mind seemed intent on wandering straight to Alicia. The first person she'd considered her best friend. Unfortunately also the woman she'd probably just hurt more than anyone ever had before.
Fuck.
That night she went to a bar and drank tequila until she forgot about everything but the hot blonde next to her with a hand placed high enough on Kalinda's leg that there was no room for doubt about her intentions.
It stayed like that for almost a week. Kalinda would be out on the streets doing her thing while Alicia was at the office or in court. She knew she was only making things worse, yet couldn't bring herself to do anything about it. Whenever it was necessary for her to enter Lockhart-Gardner, her heart would beat furiously in her chest throughout the elevator ride, only to be calmed when it became clear the woman she was so desperately avoiding wasn't there.
The inevitable happened on a Tuesday. She'd just gotten out of the elevator when Will motioned for her to come into his office.
"We need you on this case. A user at an adultery website got murdered and we're having a hard time getting hold of their client list."
Kalinda smiled. This should be a fun distraction.
"I can see why you asked her. She's a bit of a self-taught expert when it comes to adultery."
She froze at the sound of Alicia's voice behind her.
Will looked puzzled and his eyes switched between the two women in an attempt to figure out what was going on. He'd noticed a sudden distance between them but had chalked it up to the fact that they were working on different cases.
"Could you leave us alone for a minute?" Alicia's voice sounded cold.
Silence. Then a hesitant "Sure."
Kalinda turned around to face Alicia and forced herself to make eye contact. She felt her hand shaking against her thigh. Yes, maybe she'd had fantasies that included Alicia making her weak in the knees, but not like this.
"So did you suck his toes?" Alicia cocked her head to the left and waited for an answer.
"I don't know wh-"
"Oh, cut the crap, Kalinda. I'm not stupid. You've been doing everything in your power to avoid me and we both know why."
Kalinda stood straight as ever but felt herself growing smaller under Alicia's unforgiving eyes. There's nothing worse than the knowledge that you just screwed up the best thing that's happened to you in years and there's nothing you can do.
"I'm sorry." Her voice broke even though it was barely a whisper.
"No, you don't get to be sorry! Do you have any idea how I feel right now?" Her anger barely even started to conceal the hurt in her voice. "How violated, how betrayed-"
"I didn't know you back then!" She was shocked at how small her own voice sounded.
Alicia rolled her eyes with the aversion and disgust she usually reserved for the courtroom. "Don't give me that. You knew who I was when you took me out for drinks. When you came to my house, sat on my bed, talked about my life. You made me trust you. When everyone else was going behind my back, lying to me, you were the one person I thought I could count on. Why, Kalinda? Was this your plan all along? Is it some perverse pleasure for you to make someone care just to crush them? Is this what you do for fun?"
"Please don't do this." She was blinking back tears.
Alicia gasped. "Fuck you. You did this."
Kalinda wanted to follow her as she walked out of the office. She wanted to run to her and hold her so tight she couldn't get away and tell her that she meant more to her than anyone else and it was killing her to see her hurt.
Instead she walked the other way, past Will, who'd been watching them the whole time, past the cubicles, past all the glass. She didn't let the tears fall until she was in the elevator.
She didn't start sobbing until she was in her car.