T'was the night before Charismas and all though the Hub
It was lovely and quiet as they were all still at the pub
Staggering in came the team with the klaxons blaring
Owen risqué and feeling daring
.
Ianto begged off knowing the little fiend's looks
The others to silly to say they were reading a good book
Settling for a drinking game or three
Underneath the Torchwood Christmas tree
.
Truth or Dare was the game to play
Owen teasing that this game he would slay
If that Elf on a Shelf had not looked at him creepily
He would have won but then said he was sleepy
.
Gwen didn't notice when the scissors flashed at her rear
Owen getting a dare done, told to cut someone's hair…(Tosh…snigger)
Tosh was a natural, telling amazing lies
Gwen believing each Porky Pie
.
Jack staggered off, his Welshman calling
Soon it would be tomorrow morning
The others left to drink some more
Owen wanting to better his score
.
The Elf on a Shelf had been Gwen's idea
Explaining the tradition with such aplomb and flair
Owen declared it an ugly little fuck
Then set about trying to kill the poor Puck
.
Spit balls, paper darts and other things flew
The Elf on the Shelf sliding over like he knew
Owen even implored the leathery bird
Myfanwy made out she never heard
.
Ianto knew the fucking Elf would be his to adjust
Another thing to add to his list of fuss
Toshiko was no help at all
Telling stories of killer elves to one and all
.
Fuck Ianto hated Christmas through and through
Even if Jack promised a treat if his brain box never blew
Jack knew only one thing would calm the savage Welshman
.
The coffee beans from the hidden drawer a gift with the name tag 'Yan'