Disclaimer: All characters and locations belong to their respective owners.
A/N: From what I've seen in the six episodes I've watched so far, I'm surprised Madoka (heck, even Sayaka - or any of the other girls, for that matter) hasn't been afflicted with PTSD. If I were in her shoes, I think I'd react similarly.
Dry Hands
You think to yourself, I should have done it when I had the chance.
You tell yourself, I should have just made up my mind then and there and contracted with Kyubey.
You say to no one but yourself, I shouldn't have waited so long! I could have been a Puella Magi! I could have had power! I could have fought alongside Mami and brought down that terrible witch and had cake to celebrate our victory!
I…
I COULD HAVE SAVED HER! You scream at the world, hearing naught but the echo of your despair.
Why? You ask. Why didn't I do something? Why didn't I move? Why didn't I get up and push Mami out of the way when that thing bared its teeth? Why didn't I think that instead of standing off to the side with Sayaka and shaking to the bone?
I should have done something! Anything! Now Mami's…
Headless
Unmoving
Gone, as if she never existed in the first place.
Teardrops fall and sprinkle the hardpan. You dig your fingers into it, but nothing gives. It takes the pressure, but that's all it can do.
I was right. I am weak. I am useless. I have no talent.
I'm a weak, useless, cowardly little girl.
You screw your eyes shut, swallow through the thickness clogging your throat. A sob – high and strangled – escapes your lips.
I'm so sorry, Mami.
It should have been me. Not you.
If only I were braver. If only I were stronger.
If I had any of those traits, I could have done so much more….