Warnings: contains minor language and mentions of drug use.
I saw my niece watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse one day, and I got to thinking; how would Max react to seeing them acting like that? This is what that thought created. I also apologize in advance for my lame attempt at humor.
PJ reached forward, keeping one hand on the steering wheel, and tried to push aside one of the many empty cheese cans littering the dashboard. He sat back with a sigh as the can rolled back to its previous position and clanged against the others.
"Remind me why we let Bobby eat all this cheese while he was driving?" PJ asked.
"Have you ever seen what he's like when he hasn't had cheese for twenty-four hours? I swear, the one time I tried to get him to stop, he went on a rampage in the campus trying to find some. I still get nightmares from it." Max replied from the passenger seat. His gloved thumbs mashed down on the buttons of the PSP in his hands and his tongue stuck out of the side of his mouth in fierce concentration. Too bad he couldn't show that kind of enthusiasm when studying.
Bobby was sprawled out in the backseat, his sunglasses resting on the end of his nose. He snored loudly with his mouth wide open, practically dead to the world.
"Does Mr. G know we're coming?" PJ questioned.
"Nope. But Dad's always asking me when I'll go check out his new job, so I figured we'd visit him before we go to my place." Max answered, not taking his eyes off of the screen even for a second.
"Shouldn't we at least call him ahead of time? He might be busy or something."
"Nah. Dad loves surprises. He'll probably jump for joy right in the middle of the room."
"And then trip on his shoelaces before falling and face planting the ground."
Max gave a small laugh. "You know him too well."
The vehicle rumbled on for a few more minutes with only the sound of various gunshots and squealing tires coming from Max's game. Max focused intently on his character, carefully and swiftly dodging enemy fire before returning some of his own.
The van suddenly screeched to a halt, pitching Max forward against his seatbelt and forcing him to hold on to his PSP with a death grip to avoid losing it. Once the vehicle settled, he quickly turned the game system over in his hands to check for any damages. "Geez, talk about whiplash…Peej?"
Max looked over at PJ, whose eyes were round and unblinking, staring straight ahead. Max waved his hand in front of the other's face.
"Hello? Earth to Peej?"
"Please tell me that the address didn't say Summer Street…" he finally spoke, but his gaze remained firmly on something in front of them.
"Yeah, it did…why?"
"Oh god…"
"What's wrong?"
PJ could only point. Max looked in that direction—and gaped.
There, in the distance, was…was…he didn't know what it was. On the incredibly green grass laid an upside down bowl as big as a house. Three unmistakable black circles sprouted from the top, resembling a certain iconic mouse. A thin black strip stretched out and was abruptly ended by a large, bright yellow mass resembling a giant shoe. A tacky blue slide giddily stretched out from the bowl and twirled around before reaching the ground. Right next to this a gloved hand—a freaking hand—seemed to spring up from the ground and reached up toward the sky, completing the monstrosity.
"What the hell is that?!"
"What's with all the yelling…?" Bobby tiredly asked from the back, having somehow managed to stay asleep when PJ slammed on the brakes. Bobby stretched his arms and legs for a few moments before straightening up with a loud yawn. He blinked a few times to adjust his eyesight to the waking world, completely nonchalant, and idly looked out the windshield. A good ten seconds of complete silence passed.
Bobby blinked once, twice, and then lifted up his sunglasses to take in the sight. "Dude…did someone spike my cheese again…?"
Max slumped back into his seat. "Why do I have the feeling that I'm going to be scarred for life in the next five minutes?"
"Well, maybe it won't be so bad…they might just be doing paperwork or something in there…after all, we know that Mickey does like weird things." PJ suggested hopefully.
Max gave him a skeptical look. "Weird? This is just downright creepy."
"It kinda' looks like something I would draw when I was five." Bobby commented.
"You must have a seriously messed up childhood to draw something like that." Max responded. "It looks like someone butchered a gigantic Mickey and then randomly stuck the leftovers in the ground."
Bobby shrugged, apparently taking it much better than the other two. "I've seen stranger things before."
"You have? Like what?" PJ questioned.
"Have you ever had those drugs that Jeff kid tries to give everyone?"
"Bobby, that stuff can't be legal." Max stated.
"I didn't take it on purpose. Someone slipped it into my cheese when I wasn't looking. Anyway, whatever it is, it gave me super freaky hallucinations for, like, two hours. I remember seeing a polka-dotted lamb singing Katy Perry and smoking a tuna while riding a unicycle."
"…okay, maybe this won't be so bad." Max relented. "Come on, we're not getting anything done sitting here."
The trio exited the faded van and approached the "door"—a rounded piece of wood set into the sole of the building's "shoe."
Max knocked a few times and then waited for a response. No one came to open the door.
"Maybe we should come back later…or never." PJ suggested.
"We're already here, so we might as well see if anyone's inside. I don't know about you, but I don't want to come back here anytime soon." Max replied. He started to reach for the doorknob, but then hesitated and backed away. He was starting to get very afraid of what he might find inside—who he might find. He turned away from the door. "Bobby, I think you should open it."
"Alright." Bobby casually strode up to the door and opened it. PJ leaned closer to look inside.
Facing away from the building, Max waited. And waited. And then waited some more. Finally, after a full minute of complete silence, he couldn't handle the suspense anymore and started to turn around. "Guys, what—"
He froze midsentence.
Nothing could even begin to describe the scene inside. It was all a bright mish-mash of colors with circles dotting everything in sight, making the floor look like giant pepperonis were inlaid in the floor. Furniture seemed to defy reality, bending and twisting in ways that should not be possible.
But that wasn't what made Max's jaw hit the floor in disbelief.
Goofy, wearing orange one piece pajamas and a blue cape that looked suspiciously like a blanket, was standing on the edge of the chair in a heroic pose. Tacky theme music blared from seeming nowhere, and Goofy struck a ridiculous move for each lyric.
"It's Super Goof, he's quite a guy, see him soar across the sky! His super breath blows trouble away! Super dooper every day! Is he strong? Huh, give him a chance! Why, he can lift up ele-phants! He has super breath and is super strong! He even has his own super song! He's Super Goof, Super Goof, Suuuuupeeeer Gooooof!"
"Yup that's me!" Goofy exclaimed once the music ended, and then held up a broom as if it were the answer to everything. "With my super powers, I can get this broom to Pete, and then he'll give us the bubble gum that we need to fix the hot air balloon!"
Completely and utterly horrified, PJ glanced at Max. Max wasn't moving, his mouth so wide that the broom could have fit inside. "Max? Max!" He grabbed Max's shoulders and shook him. "Come on man, breathe! Don't die on me now!"
Max took in a deep, shuddering breath and clutched at PJ's shirt. "Peej, please please please tell me I just didn't see—"
"Well hiya boys!" Goofy greeted, unfazed by their gawking in the doorway. "I didn't see you the—"
Max turned his head just in time to see his father trip on the edge of the cushion when he tried to jump down. With a startled "W-Woah!" Goofy hit the floor doing a somersault and rolled across the room to run straight into a bookshelf. Dazed, he pressed his right hand to the floor in an effort to stand—only to hit a random button on the floor. A spring hidden under the floor launched him through the air, causing him to land heavily in the bean bag chair. Shaking his head to clear it, Goofy picked himself up off of the seat and took a step forward, right onto a banana peel—how did that even get there?— that sent him sliding. He fell forward, performed another accidental somersault, and finally rolled to his feet to stand right in front of the awestruck trio.
"Ah-hyuck!" Goofy laughed. "Oops, that could've been messy."
Max fainted.
PJ barely managed to keep his friend's limp form from falling to the ground.
"Dude…how was that evenly physically possible…?" Bobby questioned in surprise, although he really should have been used to Goofy's goofiness by now.
"What's wrong with Maxie?" Goofy asked in concern, noticing that his son was unconscious.
"He's…uh…" PJ struggled to make a response.
Goofy's eyes lit up in a self-made realization. "Aw, he must be tired after driving so far."
"…sure, that's it…"
"So, how have you been PJ?" Goofy asked.
"Good, I guess…" he answered. Over to the side, Bobby pulled out a can of cheese—his last one—from his pocket and started to squirt it in his mouth.
"Good! I know you all must be working hard to keep those grades up in college."
"Goof!" a slightly irritated voice called out. PJ's blood went cold as he recognized the voice of his father.
Pete shuffled into the clubhouse, adjusting his blue and white headband. Every piece of his clothing was comprised of a tacky puzzle piece pattern. "I've got another super puzzle for ya! What starts with "C" and ends in "at"—PJ?"
PJ passed out, causing both him and the comatose Max to fall to the floor.
Pete walked up next to Goofy, a question forming on his lips, but Bubby spoke up before he could voice it.
"Do you have any cheese around here?" Bobby asked, holding out his last empty can.
Both adults shook their heads. "Nope, sorry." Goofy apologized.
Bobby promptly fainted, adding to the heap of unconscious college kids forming on the floor.
"What's wrong with them?" Pete asked.
"They're just tired from travelin' for so long." Goofy explained. "Once they wake up they'll be good as new! Oh, that reminds me—here's the broom you wanted, Pete! Now you can sweep up those pesky bird feathers and we can fix the hot air balloon with your bubble gum so we can travel to the castle in the sky!"