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Tapestry
You sigh as you pack you bags. Your head still aches from the punch you received earlier today and you know tomorrow you're going to have a huge bruise where your father's fist struck your eye. Images of the fight you had earlier today fill your mind and despite yourself your eyes get teary, you never did learn how to say goodbye.
You breathe in deeply and tell yourself to be strong. You're a Gryffindor, you think, you're brave and fearless and you can do this. It's just another door you must open, just another threshold you must cross over. But you know that it's so much more than that.
This is your life. You look around this room, at the dark blue walls andthe twin beds positioned side by side. You look at the Quidditch posters, the snake relics on the counters, the various family pictures and you get a pang in your heart. You look at one of the five of you. Your eyes rest on Bella's cold black eyes, on Cissa's icy blue one's, and you miss them already. There here now, having dinner with your parents, saying their goodbyes to Andy as she prepares for her move to London and you miss them, miss them so much. They'll hate you after tonight, you think, blow your face right off the tapestry. The door opens slightly and you see Regulus's head poke in. He looks at you, cold gray eyes that are the mirror image of your own, and shakes his head. He looks down at your almost packed suitcases and turns away silently, hiding away his frown, the tears he never learned how to cry.
Be strong Reggie, you think. Be strong for me, for yourself. You want to run after him, to say you love him and that when you can you'll come back for him. You want to hug him, tell him it's not his fault, that you just can't take it anymore, that you've had enough. But all you do is stand there, watching silently as he shuts the door, knowing that the space between you is becoming wider and wider. You look back to your suitcases and throw a few more black robes inside. Everything about this place, about you, has always been so dark, so…black. You know that no matter where you are, whose house you live in, that will never change. You were born a Black, inside and out, and that's the way you'll die, a Black.
You sometimes wonder how you ever got into Gryffindor. You were always Sirius Black, the one true heir to the vast Black fortunes, their prodigy to be. You were everything they wanted once: handsome, talented, smart, and evil. You were everything they wanted you to be. What happened to change that, to make the favored child get thrown down so low? Reggie, you think, he's too cowardly to be the Black heir. He'll never survive, never be able to become one of the great death eaters, never be able to look your parents in their eyes and say no. You know what your parents think when they look at him, why them? Why does the weak one have to stay? Why can't you? But you guess that's what strength is all about, having the courage to say no.
You sigh and place a photo album carefully in the bag. You have all their pictures in there, from when you children up until a couple of days ago they're there. All five of you from the beginning when your future was shining brightly to today when nothing looked more dim. You'll miss them, know you can't truly live without them, and yet, despite all this knowledge you still buckle your suitcase and slowly head out the door.
You walk quietly down the stairs knowing that they're (your parents, Aunt and Uncle, and cousins) right by the front door having some wine, some brandy, and smoking cigars. You can feel Bellatrix's stare at you as you walk down, feel her eyes transfixed on you, her gaze moving your eyes towards her own. You meet her stare; look into her dark black eyes. She asks you no questions and you know that this is goodbye, that Bella will never be your cousin again, not once you're blasted off the tapestry, not once you've left the world you were meant to conquer together. But you know, that whatever Reggie is lacking, the Black's need not worry, Bellatrix is more their heir than even himself. Quickly, you look towards Cissa's and Andy's sleeping figures and smile at the image. Bye, you say to them all you in mind. I love you, you whisper so that not one of them will hear. And you turn away from them, from your past, knowing that this is it. Once you walk out that door, you won't be allowed to come back.
No one else notices you. Narcissa and Andy are asleep in an arm chair. You're parents are too busy with their alcohol and you breathe in relieved that there won't be any more screaming today. You walk to the door andsee his small figure there in the shadows, not ready to face the one person you don't want to say goodbye to. You stand in front of him, ruffle his like you used to do when you were younger and try to smile carelessly. But he swats you arm away and fixes you with a cold, dark stare. He hates you, you know. He'll never forgive you for leaving. He'll never forgive you for giving up. You move to hug him, to say you'll still be there for him, but he steps out of reach, setting the stage for your future relationship. And you walk out, without saying goodbye, without saying I love you. But this isn't the end, you think. Once you're a Black you can't be anything else, you can never escape. Of course you'll meet up again. Of course you'll see them again. But as you take out your wand and call the Knight Bus you know that no matter what, they'll never love you again. Once you get blown of the tapestry nothing will ever remain the same.
End (read my story Teach Me To Love Again)
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