Disclaimer: Naruto = not mine. Duh. That's like saying you own a cat. You don't own the cat. The cat owns you. You just think you own the cat, and the cat just doesn't feel like wasting the time and energy it would take to get it through your thick human skull. Oh, and FYI, I'm a guy. There are straight male yaoi fans! Granted I've never met them and I'm not one of them, but… that's not the point. Just so y'all know, I am utterly out of my freaking mind. And I'm bored… weird things happen when I'm bored. Whether or not it's because I'm bored, well… that remains to be seen. Although, I think it may be a (probably minor) deity just messing with me… or it's the cat god and goddess (most likely the cat god (out of those two)) doing random things because they're bored and I happen to be nearby…
Seika: (she's very impatient) damnit, Riku, get on with it! Are you planning on making the entire first chapter a DISCLAIMER!?! Jeez! Why did I ever agree to this? Why?
Riku: (annoyed) because I asked you to. Now, shushinushi!
Seika: please, tell me you did not just do that… on the internet, where everyone can see?
Riku: yea, so?
Seika:, gods… I'll never show my face again…
Riku: what are you talking about… oh crap… damnit, Seika, why didn't you stop me?!
Seika: like I know what you're gonna do?! Half the time you don't even know what you're gonna do, so how in hells should I?!!
Riku: ow, Seika, the ears, you promised, no more shrieking at decibels that can knock me out…
Seika: you lost consciousness once. Let it go.
Riku: um, it was twice. In one day. Yesterday.
Seika: …whatever.
Riku: (sigh) anyway, this story is AU, because I can't write it worth shit in the naru-verse, they go boom by chapter three…not a good thing. I don't have a title yet, I'll figure it out later. Not all chapters will have chapter titles. I will include POV in the chapter title. If POV is beyond you, then you are beyond normal human stupidity. Also, flamers will be hunted down and killed, painfully. I'm one of the few people the school assassin actually talks to( not counting mumbled, one-word answers to direct questions), my best friend ( who I nearly went out with, and still may, you never know) is a lycan ( werewolf, dumbasses, but better), my ex-girlfriend is… something, the qualities are conflicting, the closest thing is elf or something, but she's not graceful :cough: run into walls: cough:, my boyfriend is a hybrid thing of nearly everything and outranks angels, and Seika has been voted most likely to kick the queen of ice's ass, while using nothing but ice. She sticks to ruling the ice bitches of the world though. Now that I think about it, everyone I know is a deadly force of nature if you piss them off… I have powerful friends. :P
Seika: hey, you're no pushover yourself. After all, you are an insane nekojin that emits weird power levels that your boyfriend's never seen before, and since he outranks angels, he's seen a lot. Plus, you are the only male special enough for him to ever go out with, and aforementioned power levels are relatively close to his, at least the way he explained it. You know, you're probably the most dangerous when pissed, but it's so hard to get you to that, most people underestimate it… like that one guy, in a past life, the one you ripped apart using only the air around him, leaving a small amount of blood in his suit of armor, and that was boil-over rage across a long time period.
Riku: eh, well… he was so freaking annoying, and we'd been after him for months. Besides, no one has gotten any of us to that point yet, this life. We're still nonviolent.
Seika: what about Charlie?
Riku: I threw him out of a window because he touched my hair. NO ONE TOUCHES MY HAIR. I'm very picky about physical contact. Especially my hair. Besides, it was only the second story, and he landed on what's probably the softest bush in this universe.
Seika: yeah, true…but the glass he went through was meant to be bullet-proof.
Riku: …not my problem. Anywho, enjoy!
PS: Flamers, I will also steal your souls and sell them on eBay. Frankly, I need the money. So please, BURN, BABY, BURN!! (cracks up laughing)
PPS: Since this story has lots of chapters and they are all different lengths, for some updates you will get more than one story chapter per update chapter. Enjoy.
PPPS: the rating is because i have no idea how far i want to take this. like, if i want to go to explicit or not.
Chapter one / Naruto POV
"Naruto!" screamed Sakura from down the hall. "I didn't do it!" I said as soon as she got near. "…I'm not mad at you. I just wanted to talk to you about something before you go chasing off after your crush." She explained. "Uh… I'm not chasing him… her… anyone!" I yelled. Sakura just gave me a look, then pulled me into an alcove and whispered: "look, I know you're gay, and that you have a crush on Sasuke (I paled visibly at this), and I've got an idea. Come to the martial arts club this afternoon. You can stare at him all you want and people will think you're there for me." I thought about this for a minute, then, oh so cleverly, responded "huh???" Sakura sighed, then said "look, I'm helping you, ok?" I nodded. "Ok. Well, anyway, I have to go meet Lee. Bye!" she said as she zoomed away. "Well that was interesting." Said a voice behind me. "Gah! Jeez, Gaara, you have got to stop doing that! You're gonna kill me of a heart attack! Now, what did you want?" I said, a little flustered. "Well, I was going to ask for your help, but then overheard an interesting story." He said while smirking (wow, facial expressions… he uses them). "Uh…so what was it?" I asked nervously. "Neji. He stole my heart, so I want you to tell him to either give it back, or return my feelings." Gaara said, displaying no emotion at all, causing Naruto to crack up for a few minutes. "What's funny?" Gaara asked coldly. "Let's see, um, Neji, for one, and the fact that you just said a love confession with absolutely no emotion." I said, still grinning. "Anyway, I'll try, okay?" "Alright. Goodbye." Gaara said, walking away. Today is going to be a very long day. Naruto thought to himself.
3 hours later
'I was right. Well, time to find Sakura.' Naruto thought. "Naruto! We're in the gym!" Sakura yelled in passing. …never mind. I thought while walking to the gym. I walked in and sat on the bench to look and see who was here. 'Let's see, Neji, Gaara, Lee, Sasuke, Kiba, that weird Zero kid, and Shikamaru are the only guys here, with the girls being Sakura, Ino, Hinata, Ten-Ten, and Temari. Pretty diverse group.' Naruto thought, just as the instructor walked in. "all right people, we got two new people watching today. They're twins, before any of you ask. Seika and Riku will be joining on Monday, but wanted to check us out today. All right? Anyway, we're working with staves today. Haku, would you mind getting them?" said Zabuza, who started and instructs the martial arts club, but he's also the gym teacher. Haku is his assistant. A lot of people think Haku is a girl because of his appearance, his soft voice, and his caring nature. A lot of people think that Zabuza and Haku are secretly dating, because you never see Zabuza without Haku, but no one has any proof yet. Unlike Kakashi and Iruka, who think no one knows about them, but everyone knows anyway. "I don't mind at all, Zabuza." Said Haku, moving towards the closet that stores the equipment.
Chapter two/ Riku POV
"Hey, Seika, look at that. Looks like Blondie's checking darkie out." I said. "Why do you do that?' Seika asked of her twin brother. "Do what?" I asked innocently. "You see someone who likes someone else, so you act like you're going after one of them, when you're actually setting them up together." She stated. "I do it… 'cuz it's fun." I said plainly. "Now give me a sheet of paper." Seika shook her head, but handed him a sheet of paper anyway. I wrote: hey, Blondie, do you have a crush on darkie?; then I folded it into a plane and threw it with perfect aim, and it startled Blondie from his staring by landing in his lap. He unfolded it, wrote something, then threw it back. It read: my name is Naruto. Not Blondie, Naruto. And that is Sasuke. And no, I DON'T. ; to which I added: yes you do. Don't deny it. I just want to say good luck, and may the best man get the cute Sasuke.; before throwing it back, this time hitting his forehead. Standing, I said to Seika: "let's go." On the way out, I winked at Naruto, my newest challenge, laughing at his outraged face. "Riku, is part of the reason behind why you do this is because it's the closest (safest) thing either of us can have to a real relationship with anyone?" Seika asked softly. "…yeah." I responded even more softly. "… if I ever get my hands on Jason, I'm gonna shoot him!!" Seika growled. "No, you won't." I said wearily. "…Riku, do you still have feelings for him?" Seika asked, hesitating. "Yes, I do. However, if I ever see him again, I'll kill him myself. Got it?" I said. "Oh…" Seika said softly. "Hey, I wonder how Zack and Kyo are? Didn't you have to threaten to kick Zack's ass in order to get them together?" she asked, trying to lighten the mood. " He had this irrational, almost a phobia of talking to or even being in the same room as Kyo. I had to deal with it somehow." I said, shrugging. "Hm… I hate coming home to an empty house. I wish Kyuubi hadn't left. I can't believe it's been 6 years." Seika said, reminiscing. "Yeah. I miss Kyuubi. He was always so nice to us, unlike all the others, once they knew. I guess it's because he knew what it's like to be hated for something that lives inside you, even though you serve as its prison and thus being the only thing protecting them from it." I said, very softly. "Yeah. Only two other people accepted us after they knew." Seika said. 'Zack and Kyo." I whispered. 'I'm going to bed, okay?" "'kay. Hold on, I'll join you." Seika said.
CHAPTER 3/ NARUTO POV
AN:I was watching that movie "Prayers for Bobby when I wrote this. It's kinda sad, isn't it? Poor bobby… I heard his mom became this huge gay rights activist after he died, but still, if she had even tried to accept it, he probably wouldn't have thrown himself off a bridge in the first damn place. It's her fault, kinda, but she probably blames herself a lot more than is fully necessary…but it kinda is her fault, you know? All right, from here on out, I'm dedicating this story to Bobby, all the others like him, and to open-mindedness across the world, because this is a serious issue, people! Its caused killings and suicides, as well as emotional and psychological deaths! We have to do something! SO GET OUT THERE AND DO SOMETHING, PEOPLE, BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!!! I mean, seriously, I don't usually get sad at movies. Four times, I nearly cried at this movie. I haven't cried since I was eight. That says something people. So get to work.
NEXT MONDAY
"Damn that Riku!!" I fumed as I entered first period. "What?" Sakura asked, startled. " This was in my locker." I said, shoving a note at her. It read:
Hey, Naruto
You better move fast, 'cuz after lunch rolls around, Sasuke won't be available all weekend!
Riku
" So… he's after Sasuke too?" she asked. "Apparently. What do I do?!? I asked despairingly. " Kick it up a notch. After all, this guy's been here three days and already seems to have a better with Sasuke than you do. Although, he probably didn't start out by threatening to kill him over a candy bar the first time he saw him, the way you did." Sakura pointed out. "For the last time, IT WAS MY CANDY BAR!!" I yelled. "…that's not the point here (no use arguing)." Sakura said. " What am I going to do? I don't stand a chance against him…" I moaned. "Just.. Be more aggressive. Go after him. Duh." Sakura said. "Nnn…hey, that's Seika. Can you go ask her to ask her brother to chill out? Please?" I begged. "(sigh) fine, I will later." Sakura said.
CHAPTER 4/ SEIKA POV
"Hey! Seika, right?" asked some pink-haired chick. "Yea. You were at the martial arts club, weren't you?" I asked. "Yeah! I'm Sakura! Hey, I wanted to ask you something about your brother, Riku?" she said, going from excited to nervous. ":sigh: I swear, it's like he attracts fangirls wherever he goes." I muttered. "Um…what?" Sakura asked, confused. "Look,…pinky, Riku is GAY. You don't have a chance, so please, please, do not ask me to talk to him about going out with you. Ugh. Next time, we're moving to a deserted island." I ranted. "oh, no, I meant, could you talk to him about laying off Sasuke. see, Naruto-" she started to say. " oh, that. Riku does that all the time. It may not seem like it, but he's setting them up together. It's his thing. So please, don't worry about it. But don't tell Naruto, m'kay?" I asked. "oh! Ok! Hey, do you wanna hang out at lunch?" said the crazy pink-haired chicks. "uh… maybe. I'll think about it. Where's the teacher, the bell rang half an hour ago." I wondered. " oh, Kakashi… he's always late. Sometimes he doesn't even show up. It's a wonder he still works here at all." Sakura complained. "great….. what the hell?????!!!" I said, stunned, because this tall guy with a headband covering his left eye and a face mask that covered everything below his (showing) eye. "hey. Kakashi-sensei! You're late, as usual." Sakura fussed. "heh… sorry. I was going to be on time, but there was this little –" Kakashi started to say. " I don't wanna hear some half-baked, lame-ass excuse that makes no sense. Do you even realize you've got a new student in the class?" Sakura interrupted. "yeah, Riku, right?" he asked. "No. that's right before lunch. I'm his twin sister, Seika." I sighed. "…right. I knew that. Anyway, we should probably get started." He said. I sighed again. 'this guy's a lazy bum.'
Sometime later, at lunch
"hey. That Kakashi is a trip, huh?" said a voice over my shoulder. "hey, Riku! Sit here! Move, Ino-pig!" yelled Sakura, shoving Ino, the blonde one, out of the way. I felt Riku shudder for a second before he sat down. Poor guy. Makes me think of a doe in a lion's den. "so, Riku, do you wanna go out sometime?" Ino asked coyly. "um, like, a double date? As in, you+someone and me+someone?" Riku asked, playing dumb. "no, silly. I mean a date, as in you+me." Ino said innocently. "NO FUCKING WAY IN HELL!!" Riku screamed. "what? Why? Is it my hair?" Ino asked, sounding upset. "no, uh, Ino, it's not your hair. I just don't like any girls like that. Ok? Do you understand what I'm saying?" Riku said slowly. "ummm……." Ino said. "Ino. He's saying he's gay. Right, Riku?" said the almost silent albino girl, speaking for the first time. "exactly. Thanks, Hinata." Riku said, relieved. " that's right, you two have Kakashi together. How late was he this time." Asked Sakura. " about five minutes before lunch. He said something about a crazy robotic chicken mutant with three heads, with some little old lady involved. Then he started reading that perverted little book of his. He's lazy and makes up random excuses, huh?" Riku said. "yeah. I think its cause Iruka doesn't want it known, but everyone knows those two are lovers. It's obvious." Said Ino. " well, I've got to go. See you at home, Seika." Riku said, walking off. "all right!" I called after him.