A/N: My contribution to Trigun Secret Santa 2014 on Tumblr, written for yoshilisk, who requested "sad, heart-wrenching Knives." This was actually in my head as part of a monster multi-chap fic that I'm never going to write, so I'm glad it finally gets to see the light of day. Enjoy!
Not Alone
"It takes two men to make one brother."
- Israel Zangwill
Knives strode the elevated walkway to the heart of the Plant facility with reverence and purpose both; If he was God, than this was His Church. Here there were no false, painted idols, no bibles bound in leather and lies, no sinners whispering to sinners begging presumptuous forgiveness they could never hope to receive or deserve. Humanity was made from mud and blood, filth that had simply learned to crawl out of the dirty ditch that bore them. But this, this is what Knives was made of: The particles of brilliance that eddied and flowed under the glass bulbs around him, illuminating the darkness and casting patterns of all things in this world. They were both light and life, his sisters, the closest things to mankind's so-called angels. And yet humanity squandered their gifts, drank their suffering, ate their light, ground them down until they were nothing but hollowed-out carcasses. Knives was not here to light useless candles with useless hands, to tumble useless prayers from useless lips. No, Knives was not a useless God. He was here to save the angels.
Knives took a knee before the largest and oldest Plant bulb. He raised both hands to the cold glass, closing his eyes and clearing his mind.
Sisters, I have come for your counsel.
Above him, the Plant stirred. Knives could see her in his mind: Beautiful, unfurling her many legs and wings from the bulb's core, the bulb itself slowly glowing brighter with yellow radiance. She floated down to the bottom of the bulb, outstretching her long arms to place her palms against Knives'. He felt the glass begin to warm as the connection between them was created. Around her, all his sisters appeared, their faces hovering ethereal amidst their eddying hair and limbs and wings. His sisters were not many beings but one collective, and their voice boomed as if from every corner of his mind.
WHAT COUNSEL DO YOU SEEK LITTLE BROTHER.
Knives braced his lowered knee against the walkway. Connecting with his sisters was always like becoming one leaf in a forest, one drop in an endless ocean. He was minuscule in the presence of their collective, and their gravity was always pulling him towards the center. He needed to anchor himself to remain separate.
I need your help. I am trying to free you, but it seems I cannot do it alone.
ASK FOR THE HELP YOU SEEK.
I need to use your power, as my own... has reached it's limit.
Several of his sisters reached out to stroke his reflection in the bulb, tracing their fingers along the shock of black that cut across the crown of his blond hair. While their faces remained emotionless, Knives could feel a weightiness reverberating from them that felt like sorrow.
YOUR HAIR HAS BEGUN TO DARKEN.
Knives clenched his hands, pushing his fingers hard into the glass. Yes.
WE KNEW THIS DAY WOULD COME.
You knew? Knives felt anger rising in his throat. You knew of the hair darkening? The limits on my power? Why did you not warn me?
WE DID NOT WARN YOU OF YOUR LIMITS BECAUSE YOU DID NOT ASK.
Knives bowed his head deeply, his rage and frustration building in his chest. I was foolish. I didn't know my power was finite, and I used it recklessly. But I will no longer be foolish. The time has come to create the paradise I always spoke of. I need to use your power, to combine it with my own so I can be strong enough to free you from the humans.
IF YOU FREE US HOW WILL THE HUMANS SURVIVE.
Knives' face contorted, perturbed. Why were his sisters concerned about the humans? They won't survive. Once you are free, humanity will dry up and die just like they should have 150 years ago. And once they are gone, we will turn this planet into paradise.
His sisters were silent for a moment.
NO.
Knives' brow furrowed in anger and confusion. What do you mean, 'no'?
THE HUMANS MUST SURVIVE. WE WERE CREATED TO HELP THEM SURVIVE. THIS IS OUR PURPOSE.
Knives' anger flared within him, hot and sharp. We were created to be slaves! To them we are no more than batteries, than livestock! They have slaughtered us by the thousands without a thought! They don't deserve to survive!
ONLY BECAUSE THEY DO NOT UNDERSTAND.
They will never understand! Humans only do what's best for themselves, at the expense of everything else. They destroyed their own planet because they are greedy, selfish, stupid beasts! They will not get the chance to do the same to this planet!
THEY DO NOT UNDERSTAND. YOU CAN HELP THEM TO UNDERSTAND. THIS IS YOUR PURPOSE.
Knives clenched his fists against the bulb and grit his teeth. This is not how this conversation was supposed to happen. Knives was their savior! Why were his sisters resisting him? The pull from his sisters' collective consciousness was getting stronger, the weight of their sorrow drawing his mind to them. My purpose is to free us, to save us! The only way to do that is to kill all the humans. They will never let us go willingly.
WE BELIEVE IN A DIFFERENT PATH. COEXISTENCE.
Knives recoiled as if struck. We cannot coexist with them any more than butterflies can coexist with spiders. They will always eat us. Always!
THEY CAN UNDERSTAND. THIS IS YOUR PURPOSE.
Knives' rage spiked in his gut until he slammed both palms into the glass. Was that Tessla's purpose?! Was it her purpose to be torn apart by them, to be ripped and cut bloody until she died? To suffer every moment of her short life under their hands? Their hands are stained with her blood and you speak of understanding? They cut up our sister and put her in jars! They are murderers, monsters, they do not seek to understand, they only want to dominate and to conquer and to kill. How can you not see that?!
TESSLA WAS CREATED TO HELP THE HUMANS UNDERSTAND. THEY DID NOT UNDERSTAND. BUT THEY WILL. WE CAN COEXIST. THIS IS YOUR PURPOSE.
The weight of his sisters' collective was almost unbearable. Knives felt his mind and his body being pulled as if he would break into pieces. He braced himself harder against the bulb, his rage seething through him to a fever pitch.
Why would you create us just to be killed? Why did you create my brother and I after Tessla was murdered? You could create a hundred Tesslas, a thousand, and they would kill them all because that's what humans do! And I am done allowing it to happen. No, I will not help them understand. I will wipe them from the face of this planet, and I will do it with or without your help!
Knives turned sharply to stand up, but fell to both knees with a clang on the walkway. His eyes snapped open in surprise and he pulled, but his palms were affixed to the bulb by his sisters' power.
Release me! Knives twisted and pulled, but his hands wouldn't budge. Release me NOW!
AS YOU WISH LITTLE BROTHER.
The surface of the bulb became red hot under Knives' hands, and he fell back with a shout. The connection with his sisters had snapped like a rubber band pulled too taut, and Knives gasped deeply as the weight of their collective was ripped away. Above him, his sister withdrew and the glow of the bulb dimmed as she folded her wings in on herself. He lay on his back and breathed heavily, his mind reeling and his palms sizzling. For the first time in many years, Knives felt the uncertain pull of doubt as his sisters' last words echoed in his mind.
TESSLA WAS CREATED ALONE AND SO SHE DIED ALONE. YOU AND YOUR BROTHER WERE CREATED TOGETHER SO YOU COULD PROTECT ONE ANOTHER. YOU WERE CREATED TOGETHER SO YOU WOULD NOT HAVE TO DIE ALONE.
A/N: This came to me while thinking on how the Plant Angels are portrayed in the manga. They seem to be quasi-sentient, and seem to genuinely want to help humanity. So, if that's the case, why would the agree to help Knives by merging with him to form the Ark? What if they could refuse?
I'm hersugarpill on Tumblr and SugarPill on AO3, in you're into those.