Episode Addition to Workforce. J/C, rated T. Star Trek: Voyager and all it's characters, aliens and other creations belong to Paramout.

Tricks The Mind Plays.

'Computer, delete all files with the following keywords: Jaffen. Quarra.'

'All files with specified keywords have been deleted.'

Kathryn sighed. It hadn't been her down there, she knew that now, but still it haunted her.

She had allowed herself to love.

It hadn't been the Captain, that hadn't been her burden so it had probably been easier for her. No inhibitions or limitations in connection to her duty. What a lousy excuse.

Jaffen. He had been kind, gentle and maybe even attractive, and she missed his company. But here she had other friends, people who knew her, who had been through the same, who were in this mess with her and aware of it. Not trapped in an illusion like they had been on the planet.

If it hadn't been for Chakotay she would never have left. She was happy, not ambitious enough to want to seek out other positions or inquire about career moves. That proved to her that the person down on the planet hadn't been her.

She walked over to the replicator, asked for a coffee and sat down on her couch, the steaming cup in her hand. She felt powerless but also, she felt as if slowly but surely everything was coming back to her. Mostly she was regaining memories from her life, from their journey but slowly she was also regaining memories of a more personal nature.

Chakotay.

He had come to get her back when she was on the planet, and she had trusted him almost immediately. She hadn't understood why but she knew now that they were very close friends. With that knowledge, something else was dooming on her. She had trusted Jaffen because he had reminded her heart of Chakotay.

It wasn't that hard to imagine, really. He was of the same build, a little less muscle but still, strong. He had the same colour skin and kind eyes as Chakotay. His voice was similar, soft but strong and he had always trusted her, like Chakotay always trusted her. Without questioning. Without doubt.

She remembered an evening on Quarra, lying with Jaffen, willing her mind to ease but something nagging at her. She had traced invisible lines on his forehead, lines that were not so invisible on Chakotay. Had she remembered, even then? She didn't know. All she knew was that it meant something, and she needed to talk about it.

She had considered having a deeper relationship with Chakotay almost from the beginning, but she had always decided against him. The excuses she continued telling herself were always the same, always really made up and meaningless if she thought about them too long. So she never did. You can't, you need to run the ship. You need to be the figure of authority. You can't, it'll get in the way of getting home. You'll lose your focus. She knew it was all crap, that she could do it, that they could but she just wouldn't let herself give in. This man, this wonderful man deserved someone whose attention wasn't divided. And that wasn't her.

'Chakotay to Janeway.'

How like him to call her, so late, knowing she would be up. How could she sleep?

'Yes Commander.' She answered, her voice neutral.

'If you're up for it, I could use a nightcap,' he said, not really asking. He knew she'd appreciate his company.

'Sure, I could drink,' she answered. 'Come on over.'

'Be right there. Chakotay out,' he ended communications.

Chakotay was waging a battle of his own. He knew his best friend needed him, but he didn't know if she would accept his help. He wanted to talk to her, tell her stories, help her remember. She had been asking him about several things on the bridge, but nothing personal or concerning the two of them, and she hadn't touched him like she used to. He wasn't sure what she remembered of their relationship, their deep friendship with the mutual knowledge of love. They both accepted that it probably wasn't for the Delta Quadrant to see them in a sexual relationship but the knowledge that they wanted it was enough for now. How much of that did she remember? He wasn't sure. He didn't want to remind her but would she ever remember? The Doctor had said there would be a full recovery if the patients were helped, stimulated, to remember everything, but their relationship issues had caused her so much pain in the past that he was at war with himself. Would he make her remember if she didn't on her own?

He had heard her cry often, before the abduction incident on Quarra. In her quarters, once even in her ready room. Never had he asked about it, because he had always seen the answer in her eyes when he came over for dinner, or drinks. She felt lonely. Without him by her side, not separated by a wall, she was alone. If, by accident, she didn't love him anymore, at least it would spare her that. He would do that for her. If it killed him. He would do anything for her.

Within a minute, he was at her door and she let him in. 'Hi, how are you?' he greeted casually.

'Fine, fine, thanks. I see you brought our liquor,' she smiled, pointing at the bottle in his hand.

'Yeah, it's from my secret collection. I think you'll like it.'

'As long as it's strong,' she joked.

'That bad?' he asked, hoping she'd answer him truthfully.

She sighed as she got glasses and sat down on the couch, gesturing for him to take the chair.

'It's a strange thing, Chakotay,' she started. 'I had a life. A full, good life, a job, friends..'

Her voice trailed off as her eyes dropped.

'I know,' he just affirmed. What else could he say?

'And now it turns out to be a lie. Fake. Just another alien who can't seem to live peacefully. It's abuse, Chakotay. Physical and mental abuse.'

He hadn't thought of it that way but she was right. Her body and mind had been used to the advantage of someone else.

'You're right,' he nodded. 'I'm so sorry, I didn't know if coming to get you was the right thing to do but I had no choice. We need you.'

'It was the right choice, I'm glad you came,' she assured him. 'Still.. It's almost like a part of me died.'

He nodded. 'I understand what you mean, you've lost a piece of you on that planet.'

'Yeah, she wasn't me but still it was me living that life. It gives me a headache.'

'Then let's talk about something else,' Chakotay quipped. 'We don't want the Captain out with a headache.'

'All right,' she smiled at him. 'Let's talk about.. About you. Tell me, how did we become friends so fast? I remember how we got stranded here and how you became to be my second in command, but I don't remember much about us personally. It'll come back eventually,' she added. 'But you know what the Doc said. Stimulation of memories can't hurt, right?'

He sighed. She didn't remember. He had a choice to make.

Author's Note: This will be my first VOY story. Please R&R and tell me if you want to read more!