Hi! This is my first fanfiction story! Obviously it's a Rachel and Puck story, a bit AU dealing with the death of a child. Please R&R!
Also I don't own glee!
"I want a divorce." Rachel whispered as she stared at the floor avoiding the glance of her husband.
"You what?" He asked his mouth agape slightly as he shifted their three year old in his arms. "Are you fucking serious?" He hissed out glaring down at his tiny wife. How could she do even ask this with Amalia in his arms?
"Noah! Be quiet! Don't curse in front of her!" She whispered, her big brown eyes filling with tears as he opened the door to their apartment and wordlessly took their daughter to her room. It was hard being here. Rachel has come to hate being inside their house. She often spent the day anywhere but there and at night she tried her best to cry silently, or better ignore her feelings all together.
Sitting down on their couch she ran her hand across her swollen belly as she felt a sharp kick. It wasn't suppose to end like this. She was twenty-three years old. She was suppose to be on Broadway, she was suppose to be a star. Now she was empty inside. She felt as if she were missing something. Every time she looked at her husband she saw his eyes and his smile. They even laughed the same. She felt another sharp kick and she felt the tears in her eyes burn even more.
"We aren't getting a divorce." Puck sat down next to Rachel and he placed his hand on her chin and turned her face towards him. She wouldn't look in his eyes. "Babe... we aren't getting divorced." She finally looked at him as he tucked her hair behind her ear. "Please baby, don't do this."
This was the man she married, her Noah. If you told her seven years ago that at the age of twenty-three she would be married to Noah Puckerman, have children with him and pregnant once again would have laughed in your face. After Quinn gave birth to Caroline at the age of sixteen and decided she wanted to raise the baby, Puck stepped up to be the father. He and Quinn quietly existed together raising their daughter with help naturally.
Quinn got back with Finn right after Caroline was born. Finn felt an attachment to 'Drizzle' and he still loved Quinn so the two of them got back together with Finn now a main feature in their daughter's life. They had joint custody, Quinn had Caroline during the week, while Puck had her every Thursday and every weekend. Around that time Rachel began helping him watch Caroline. It was hard taking care of a baby on your own at seventeen. His mother worked and he usually watched his sister, Hannah so the extra hand always came in handy. They started off as friends and it slowly became more.
They kissed for the first time during a snow storm. Puck's mother was working that day, so Puck invited Rachel over to help him with the girls. She did crafts with seven year old Hannah and bathed Caroline and put her to bed. She and Hannah began making dinner when the power went out. As if she lived there, Rachel grabbed all the blankets she could find and helped Hannah move the coffee table as they laid down the blankets and he started a fire. She then grabbed Caroline and laid her on the couch while Puck and Hannah began roasting Marshmallows. They then sat in the ottoman while his girls slept and he kissed her.
From that moment on she was his.
They dated through High School. Rachel helped him maintain his grades. He actually graduated with a 3.0 GPA. Rachel was naturally Valedictorian with a full scholarship to Julliard. Puck agreed to follow her to New York, even if that meant he wouldn't see Caroline as often, but Finn and Quinn were going to school in Massachusetts, so it wasn't that far of a ride. Everything was perfect.
Then Rachel found out she was pregnant. Naturally they weren't trying, but it happened. It was graduation night when they drank a bit too much and forgot to use protection. One would think that after the first 'mistake' (Nearly two year old Caroline Fabray-Puckerman) they would have learned their lesson. Obviously they didn't.
Her pregnancy was perfect, by the book. Light morning sickness her first trimester, then smooth sailing from there on gaining an even twenty pounds. Rachel transferred to NYU with him during her second semester and five months later, on June 7th 2010 Gideon Elias Puckerman was born.
The moment they placed their son on her chest, they both cried. He was tiny with her hair (A full head of dark curls) and his eyes and smile. He was perfect. Quinn and Finn brought Caroline down for the summer to meet her new brother. One of Rachel's favourite pictures was of the two of them the day they brought Gideon home from the hospital. Quinn had taken up photography and when they arrived at Rachel and Puck's apartment, Caroline insisted she was a big girl and she had to hold her Giddy. Puck hated the nickname ( It wasn't badass enough) but it stuck keeping Caroline very happy. They propped the little girl on the couch surrounded by pillows and placed her brother into her arms. There was a contrast between the two children. Caroline had dirty blond hair and fair skin. The only thing they shared was their eyes which came from their father. In the picture Gideon was just staring at his sister in total awe as she looked down at him with the same expression.
They still had that picture beside their bed. Every time she saw that picture her heart broke all over again. She couldn't bring herself to move it.
They married shortly after their son was born. Gideon was a healthy baby, and when he was a year and a half she found herself pregnant once again. Nine months later they welcomed a daughter Amalia Quinn Puckerman. Giddy instantly decided to call his Leah. They were a family. They had three beautiful children. Everything was perfect, and then it happened.
Shortly after Amalia was born, Rachel began to notice things. Gideon has always been a hyperactive child. He was always on the go doing one thing after another. He loved to jump around playing wildly with his father.
Puck was the first one to notice the change in his son. He was more tired than usual, but Puck brushed it off. They had a new baby in the house who had inherited her mother's lungs. They were all sleep deprived. By this time Quinn and Finn had moved back to Lima deciding they would rather raise Caroline there, so Rachel and Puck had Caroline for the summer. It started off as a great summer. Rachel would take the kids to Central Park, they'd get ice cream, come home, nap, do crafts. It was fun. Then one day Rachel was bathing the children when Caroline pointed out bruises on her brothers back. They ran down his spine. At first Puck brushed it off as typical boy behavior. He had plenty of bruises growing up, but regardless Rachel made him an appointment and that was the moment their life changed when the doctor informed them that their two and a half year old son had Leukemia.
They both sat their numb as the doctor explained his sickness. Gideon had Acute Promyelocytic Leukemia. Their healthy little boy was no longer healthy. He was sicker than they imagined. How was it even possible that he had… cancer? Rachel sat there numb as she held on to their son tears streaming down her face. Puck on the other hand was numb. He felt nothing.
Dr. Tyson agreed that they should start Chemo instantly and at first, it seemed to work. While it was hard to watch their son weaken, and to see his beautiful curls fall out, he was still the same child he once was and after six months he went into remission. Finally things were going back to normal and everything would be alright. It didn't last long.
Gideon was four when the cancer came back. This time more aggressively. They each tested to see if their bone marrow matched Gideon's. They didn't. Dr. Tyson then took them aside and asked if they considered having more children. Explained how the cord blood could help him fight the cancer. Rachel fell pregnant instantly. It was perfect, once the babies (She found out early on she was having twins) were born they could save their brother's life.
Unlike her previous pregnancies though, this one was harder on her. She had intense morning sickness, cramping early in her pregnancy as well as slight bleeding. Her doctor placed her on bed rest for most of her first trimester. She should have taken that as a sign. They had a cold winter, and Gideon came down with a rough case of pneumonia.
Rachel was still on bed rest when Gideon got sick. Because of their son's illness they had to treat ever cold, every fever as a serious threat due to is low immune system. Puck took their son to the doctor while she stayed at home with Amalia. They both knew he would end up in the hospital and once that happened, Rachel ignored her bed rest.
She spent every day in the hospital, laying in bed with her son, holding him as his body racked with coughs praying he would get better. Her fathers' agreed to stay and watch Amalia for them, and friends visited but all that mattered was their little boy. The problem was he didn't get better, only worse.
There is nothing worse than watching your child die. Rachel laid in bed with their son holding him as he cried, Puck watched on helplessly. Life seemed to stop around them and all they focused on was their child. Days turned into weeks. Their parents had to force them to go home, take care of themselves. Rachel tried to will her son to hold on. A few more months and the twins would arrive. They would save him. He couldn't hold on.
Gideon Elias Puckerman died November 19th 2017 at the age of five. They took his body back to Lima. That was home to both of them, and they wanted their son buried next to Puck's grandmother so she could watch over Gideon in the afterlife.
His death hit both his parents in different ways. Puck died. He was now Noah. He threw himself into work and provided for his family. He was the one that woke up with their daughter, made sure his wife ate, and tried to move on refusing to talk about Gideon. It was too hard for him, so it was easier to ignore it. Rachel shut down. She would spend most the day in Gideon's bed, in her arms the blanket they brought them son home in as she cried. Amalia was more confused than anything else. She wandered around looking for her elder brother only to never find him again.
Slowly as the months went by things got better. Rachel began to shower and take care of herself once again. She was still pregnant at this point and knew she couldn't handle losing another child, while Noah worked more. They avoided each other the best they could and at times it felt as if they were sleeping next to strangers.
The question of divorce shouldn't take him by surprise but it did.
"I can't do this anymore Noah." Rachel whispered as she looked at her husband with tears in her eyes. "I am so unhappy. I hate being here, I hate New York, I hate this apartment, I hate that every time I look at you I see him. I can't do this." She was bawling. Her whole body shook with tears as he pulled his wife into his arms.
"Babe, please don't do this." He whispered. He was no longer the badass he once was. Life sent him a huge' fuck you man' and he wasn't sure how to deal with that. "We can move.. We can go back to Lima. We'll be closer to Giddy baby. Our family. We can get away and start over. Me, you and Amalia. Please?" He was crying too. Badasses didn't cry, but he couldn't help it.
"Tomorrow? Can we leave tomorrow? I need to get out of here Noah. I can't… live here anymore. I'm going crazy. Every time I close my eyes I see him. I smell him everywhere. I can't Noah. I can't sleep, I can't eat. I feel him everywhere and it's killing me inside." This is the most they've talked about when it came to their son. They both seemed to be aware that ignorance was bliss and it helped with the pain.
That was the moment Noah picked up the phone and made them hotel reservations. "We can stay somewhere else tonight. Pack… pack our things. We can deal with everything else later." And they left. Rachel packed only the things they needed while Noah arranged for their friend James to pack everything up for them and sell the apartment. He rented a car (They never had a need for a car before) and they headed home. Back to Lima, Ohio looking for change.