Disclaimer:
C'mon people, would I be writing this if I owned RK?
"Autumn Leaves" (c) Eva Cassidy
Autumn Leaves
The falling leaves drift by my window
The autumn leaves of red and gold
I see your lips, the summer kisses
The sunburned hands I used to hold
Since you went away the days grow long
And soon I'll hear old winter's song
But I miss you most of all, my darling
When autumn leaves start to fall...
A cold, crisp wind was dancing with the leaves; swirling shades of yellow and red drifting dreamily to a silent song.
A single gold leaf drifted lower, it seemed almost with purpose as it fluttered, stilled and landed. Kaoru stared down at her toes, pale and bare save for that intruding splash of colour. She picked it up, twirling the stem between her fingers,
It seemed to mock her, this movement… this whirlwind of activity… nature's proof that life did go on even if you knew that you were dead.
And the worst part about each fall; she couldn't remember just then how many had passed since… since…
The worst part was that the colours always reminded her of him.
To catch a flashing vision of his ruby hair, and then to turn and realize it was the autumn leaves playing another bitter trick on her. Or how the wind remembered the sound of his laughter, playing it over and over in mindless cacophony till she thought she might scream and shatter at the sound of it.
In fact, autumn seemed so embodied with him that if she closed her eyes she could almost feel his hand on her face, or his lips pressed against her skin. Either that or she really was insane as her friends were beginning to fear… but she'd had over four years to think, to wait and hope… to imagine what it would have felt like.
God! Four years!
Had it really been that long? She wished she hadn't remembered. Each empty day and night seemed suddenly an added weight on a body already beset with hopelessness and despair.
The wind began whistling another tune, a fitting dirge as blood red leaves littered from the sky, falling helplessly to the earth in the sudden stillness.
The world was once more returning to its time of rest, shedding its colour in preparation for the long, cold sleep of winter.
Kaoru wished she could know that respite as well.
How peaceful it could be, to cast off each aching layer of her skin and be engulfed in that pure white silence.
And when spring came again, to renew life… she could melt with the snow into the earth and become part of everything… and nothing.
Author's Note:
I did this song in my vocal jazz choir this year and it just was so poignant I had to do a songfic. Of course, the fact that I'm also procrastinating doing a paper had nothing to do with me having to write this right now. 66' It's much, much shorter than the stuff I usually write but I wanted to try my hand at it. I hope I managed to convey all the emotions even though it's so short.