Disclaimer: Paramount owns everything, except the ability to please fans. Also the premise was borrowed from the only Hallmark movie I've ever DVR'd called In My Dreams. It was sweet and I thought, hey that could be interesting in my Voyager world.
Notes: Written for x-dana for VAMB's Secret Summer Exchange run by the lovely Sira & Ria. She asked for a smutty J/C story so please forgive me, I'm still pretty new at writing smut. I'm the queen of reading it ;) and I dwell in a world dominated by the remarkable TT/VV and ML and Shay who are just epic at it. So, my dirty mind and anything produced from it (including my 2nd born child) I accredit to you ladies. Thanks :)
ps: I may have failed to get this beta'd. I did a few read throughs so all mistakes are mine, please point them out. Gently ;)
pps: Thanks to KJ115 for her amazing ability to name random bizarre aliens. Most impressive and incredibly inventive. Thanks a million!
In Dreams
Kathryn leaned against the railing, clutching the shawl tighter around her shoulders and smoothing her arms to keep the chill away. Nights were cool this time of year in Indiana but the crispness was helping her focus while her mind attempted to run in circles. She'd been dreaming these dreams for years, for so long he'd been there and it had been heaven-sent. No physical pressure, no responsibilities, no mention of the days events—it had been liberating. Freedom to be exactly who their daily lives hadn't allowed them to be with the only person they wanted to see. It seemed like a gift, who were they to question it? And question it they didn't, that is, until tonight.
"Damn him," she whispered to no one in particular, feeling a tear race down her cheek. Damn that planet, damn that priest, damn the last 3 years,she thought, huffing a sigh.
Three Years Earlier
Kathryn wasn't certain if the golden glow encroaching on her field of vision was an illusion or a spiritual phenomenon, an uncommon debate warring with her senses. The impressive trick of light not withstanding, she was positive the rush of peace and joy she'd just experienced was a hormonal response to chemicals present in the local incense for her nasal receptors were being hounded with something akin to honeysuckle and lilacs. She glanced over to her left, her stalwart and ever-present Commander seemed to be suffering the same hormonal effects if the glazed over look in his eyes was any indication.
Just before the ceremony, a thanks and parting ceremony she was told, Tekanah, the Oridosian leader had taken both she and Chakotay by the hand and said quietly, "So much tension. So much left unspoken. The darkness shall bring it to light." She was certain the translators had lost something and now in a crowd of Oridosians and few Voyagers in the middle of one of the most beautiful and enchanting cities she'd ever visited all she found herself doing was deciphering his meaning. Tension, she told herself. There's always tension. We're either cordial and amicable or incapable of being in the same room with each other. The fine line between Kathryn and Captain had been skirted so many times but the control was wearing thin. Perhaps he meant the ship, she argued with her own reasoning, though that didn't seem to fit. But then how will darkness bring it to light, she wondered with a sigh, reopening her now closed eyes to an almost bright white light surrounding the two of them completely. She glanced over at Chakotay and noticed almost an aura surrounding him, angelic, almost dream-like. Their eyes caught and she gasped, at what she didn't exactly know. When she turned back to where Tekanah had been standing the light was gone, the soft pink glow of the sunset fading behind the skyline. She smiled up at the old seer who took their hands again and as they walked away with Negal his aid, she could swear she saw a twinkle in his eye.
That night had been the first dream. She had been on this very porch sitting on the swing on a cool spring day when he'd sauntered up looking mildly confused. He'd asked about the location and she'd shared with him a piece of her childhood, stories of her life. It was a dream. At least, that's what she'd assumed. The dreams went on, for months, years. There was such an ethereal quality about them that she'd rarely questioned their recurrence. She'd chocked it up to stress and the need for her psyche to latch onto something familiar while allowing her to retain some part of herself in the midst of day to day demands. It had seemed logical. It had been a life-saver. Never did they mention the ship, except in vague references. Their dreams had been a place for them to cast off restraint and convention and just enjoy being themselves with each other.
Their dreams had taken them from Indiana to a lake on Trebus. They'd visited an old camp ground from her childhood and a fruit orchard from his and everywhere in between. That is, until the memory tampering on Quarra had stopped them all together. Until two nights ago.
"You dreamt of him every night for almost 3 years?" Phoebe shrieked. The pair were cuddled against the edge of Kathryn's bed sifting through her storage container reminiscing.
"Not exactly in the way you're thinking of, but yes." Kathryn seemed to gloss over it and reached in to retrieve a silken scarf purchased for her long ago. Her sister shifted herself next to the crate and grabbed Kathryn by the forearms.
"That is NOT normal," she exclaimed. "I mean, how would that even work? Every night?" Kathryn sighed and stood to hang the scarf in her closet.
"Every night that I slept. It was a relief really. My body knew I needed an escape and it provided one." Once secured on the hanger she ran the material through her fingers again and turned back, crossing her arms over her. "I welcomed it, and I'm not sure why it stopped." She paused and began thinking back to all the confusion and stress she felt after her memories were reasserted. She'd quietly wondered why in all that stress her mind hadn't continued with the dreams, she'd felt certain they were necessary. She'd needed his comfort then more than ever. She hadn't had it, in dreams or in reality. He'd come back for them, saved the day, the crew, the ship—but they were never the same. It was as if a switch had been turned off. Gone were their dinners, gone were flirtations and laughter—gone were her dreams.
"Do you think he was having them too?" Phoebe wondered after letting her sister daydream for a few minutes. Her question jolted Kathryn from her reverie and she laughed heartily.
"Of course not!" She jeered and grabbed a stack of books from the crate and began arranging them on the shelf. "Don't be ridiculous." Phoebe, obviously onto something followed behind with a furrowed brow.
"When did you say they started?" She asked.
"When we left Oridosia, a planet we stopped and traded with." Kathryn busied herself with the books, debating how best to organize them. Alphabetically by author, she thought and set out.
"Did anything special happen on the planet? I mean, did you two get struck by lightning, blessed by a shaman, dipped in holy water, put in a trance..." Phoebe jolted to a halt and was able to jump back before a very thick copy of Moby Dick landed square on her toe. "Hey!" she shrieked and looked up to find Kathryn's face ashen. She watched her sister stumble to the desk chair, her mind clearly piecing together events and time lines, attitudes and a million slumbering moments spent together.
"The darkness shall bring it to light," she quoted, her voice soft and filled with apprehension, afraid of what the realization would hold. "The darkness...did he mean my, our dreams? I knew he was referring to both of us, I just couldn't make any sense of his ramblings. I thought he was just hoping we'd resolve our issues."
"Well I'd say you resolved them, but why didn't you ever talk about it?" Phoebe asked. "For that matter, why didn't you ever tell him how you felt about him? And why didn't he tell you?" She sat down on the bed, a million questions in her head. "Why did they stop?" Kathryn looked up, her head a jumble trying to piece together this new information and judge the ramifications of 3 years of shared dreams between she and her first officer.
"I always assumed it had to do with the memory re-sequencing," she replied. "And I suppose that makes sense. It makes sense that we were never the same after, like we needed the dreams." She moved over and sat next to her sister on the bed, looking up at her with forlorn eyes. "And shortly after they stopped he moved on." Phoebe wrapped an arm around her, laying her head on Kathryn's shoulder. She'd watched her sister hurt when they'd arrived home weeks ago. She'd also seen the far off expression she wore when in the presence of Chakotay and that Borg. It hadn't taken her long to realize that her sister had been in love with her first officer.
"This is true, but Seven just left for Jupiter Station. You know they're broken up." She rested her chin on Kathryn's shoulder and looked up at her with hopeful eyes. "Maybe it was the distance. Maybe it was the conscious choice to move on." She kissed her sister's cheek and headed for the door. "Maybe it's time to stop dreaming and go find the man."
She'd dreamt of him that night, right there on the porch. He said he'd missed her, that he'd seen his family. That he wanted to see her but he felt a fool. He'd reached out to touch her cheek and she'd awoken, sleeping in fits the rest of the night. When day came she'd told Phoebe everything, shared with her all of their missed chances, all they'd put each other through. She shared with her how alone she felt when the Admiral had shared news of their secret romance and how hurt she was when she'd finally understood how much less Earth meant without him by her side.
"I'm not ready to go to him," she'd told Phoebe over dinner that night. When asked if he came to her she replied, "Perhaps. Maybe I need him to want me. Soothe my bruised ego," she'd replied with a crooked grin.
The porch again and there he was standing on the stairs as though he'd been waiting for her. He seemed different today, more clear-headed and almost confident. She was starting to think that these dreams were all she was ever going to have. Perhaps Phoebe was wrong.
"I need to see you." His opener was blunt, straight to the point and he began climbing to the porch toward her. "Are you staying here?"
"Chakotay, please." Her tone was uneasy and she walked away to give herself courage, resting both of her hands on the railing, her back to him. The night was cool, she wished the dreams weren't so damned life-like. Suddenly she sensed him behind her and the chill evaporated in his warmth, close enough to feel but not close enough to wake her. She turned to face him, careful not to touch him, but remaining close enough to feel him. His face was so close, she couldn't remember the last time they'd been that close and it was wreaking havoc with her resolve. "You—you should just go. We've hurt each other, you moved on, let's just call this what it is and save a friendship." She knew she wasn't convincing herself, let alone him and in response he moved infinitesimally closer. She could feel his breath upon her lips, taste his heady scent—it was tantalizing and she subconsciously licked her lips.
"Is this where you're staying?" He whispered and once she nodded through her fog she felt him lean into her and the faintest of touches of his lips to hers before she was greeted by the familiar surroundings of her bedroom. This had been the most erotic dream they'd shared, her face still flushed with arousal. Unable to sleep she grabbed her shawl and headed for the front porch and the still chilly midnight air.
Resting against the corner post she relived the dream of a few hours ago, the closeness, the electricity, the near-kiss. How had her life been turned upside down in only a few days, in just a few years? She closed her eyes, lay her head back and wondered what her next step would be. She was so lost in thought she didn't hear the crunch of a twig, the soft sound of footsteps on the stairs—the porch. She was just contemplating a comm call in the morning when that familiar scent caught on a gentle breeze and she smiled reflexively without opening her eyes. Her brilliant smile was his invitation and he took it, stepping to just where he'd been when he'd left, chest to breast, almost close enough to touch.
"I'm ready to call this what it is, Kathryn." He finally spoke in hushed tones and she opened her eyes to his, deep coffee brown and determined.
"Oh?" She smiled, coyly. "And what exactly is this?" He put a hand on either side of her on the large post forcing her to lean further into it, his nose almost touching hers but she didn't shy away.
"Repentance," he said without a moments hesitation. "Forgiveness?" She nodded. "Love?" A crooked smile, another nod and a tear. With closed eyes she felt his hand grazing her cheek and back into her hair. She felt his thumb tracing the thin line of her lips. And as their lips met she heard him whisper, "Redemption." His lips molded to hers, all apprehension gone and his tongue swept over her lower lip. She opened to meet him and became awash in heat and wetness and rightness. As their tongues caressed his hands swept aside the shawl, discarding it. One of her hands played in his hair while the other pulled him as close to her as possible, their combined heat casting aside all thoughts of the summer chill.
When he felt she wasn't close enough his hand came around her thighs and hoisted her up and around his hips, holding her to the post with his legs. She felt his manhood pressing deliciously into her wet core and she broke their kiss with a moan. He trailed soft kisses along her jaw and down her neck, moving himself against her center, the thin nightgown moving easily between them. He slid his hands inward to find the edges of her slip of panties, easing his fingers underneath and ever closer to her moist depths. His lips continued their journey and he tongued an erect nipple through the silk, smiling when he felt her thrust it farther. He slowly made his way to the other nipple as he eased her down and began to slip off her panties.
When the barrier was gone he dropped to his knees, lifting her legs over his shoulders, using the post for leverage. He nipped along her inner thighs, nudging her clit with his nose. Delighted by her gasp he sucked the nub into his mouth and then worked it with his tongue. He felt her bucking towards him and passed his tongue over her then entering her as far as he was able, retreating, flicking her clit and then plunging back in. He watched her through hooded eyes as she rode his tongue in earnest. With one last nip of her pearl her orgasm exploded and she let out a throaty groan that shot want right to his groin. He shifted, using his fingers to bring her back down while he stood and slipped his pants down.
Once she had recovered she pulled his lips to hers, tasting herself on his lips and tongue, her hand snaking down to feel him for the first time. His control was tenuous at best and he quickly shifted her over him, easing her onto him slowly. The first feel of her hot channel felt exquisite-euphoric. Once he had entered to the hilt he stilled himself, pulling her nightgown down and properly laving at her rosy buds. He began to move within her, every thrust pulling them closer, pushing him higher. He could feel her close and was starting to falter. He moved a finger between them and began massaging her pearl, his mouth overtaking hers in a fierce and earth-shattering kiss as their orgasms peaked and light exploded behind their eyes. He felt her milking him and she felt the warmth of his seed seeping deep within her. Both breathing heavily she leaned against him, a contented smile playing at her lips.
"What?" He asked with a dimpled smile as he slowly pulled from her, instantly disappointed from the loss, but he held her close.
"Just thinking about living seven years within arms reach of this." She chuckled and brought her forehead to his. "Tekanah knew what he was doing." She kissed him gently, her crooked grin growing. "If I'd been able to do this in those dreams we may never have made it home."