DISCLAIMER: I don't own Glee. I just feel it. See what I did here? Exactly. A stupid joke.
A/N: This was beta by Emily, again, who is the best beta reader in the entire world, with her helpful notes, colors scheme system and lovely feedback.
Also: This is set during The Rhodes Not taken ;)
Poison
It burns him inside, beneath the skin. It breaks him, under bones and flesh. It intoxicates him, contaminates him but it doesn't kill him.
It leaves him there, alive, alone and breathing.
He wants to stop. Stop breathing, that's it. And it's not some suicidal wish but a defense system. Because the air in the room has turned into poison.
He wants to walk away, run away, but he can't move. Words, feelings, reality, all of it has combined together to leave him stuck in his place, hopeless and helpless.
Another second passes and he feels sick, he can almost feel his body getting ready to throw up. But it's not that easy because it's not real. It exists of course, but it has no substance, no physical properties. And for a few seconds Kurt is completely sure it has no solution.
That's when she comes in.
And he knows it's something mean and awful to do, but his legs are suddenly working and moving, and his mouth opens and he just spills it all out.
It hurts her, when she hears it.
It hurts him when he says it.
He is smiling, though, as he speaks. He is grinning, holding to the fantasy that once the words come out of his mouth they will leave him alone and haunt her.
But only half of that happens.
He watches Rachel leave with a hurt and angry pace he's not allowed to have himself.
He sighs once the door is shut and guilt becomes another head of the unwanted feelings monster sitting on his chest.
The girl was clearly expecting a "Oh, thank God you came back to Glee. The club and life itself don't have a reason without you in it," instead of the "Hey, the boy you like got his girlfriend pregnant," she had gotten. But a part of Kurt thinks it's fair, because hell, he hasn't got what he wants either.
And then somehow, for some stupid reason, Kurt feels extremely jealous of Rachel.
At least, he bitterly thinks, she can walk off, yell, cry, and do whatever she wants to show how broken hearted she is.
He's being selfish, he knows it. Selfish and egocentric and childish and stupid and mean.
And a total jerk.
He doesn't sigh this time, pretty sure that it won't change a thing. He doesn't move either. He just stands there, untouched by the other's voices and laughter, unreached by a song being sung, danced and played.
He just stands there, staring at the door that separates Glee Club form the rest of the school, the rest of Ohio and the rest of the world.
And for the first time in a long time, Kurt sees the door as nothing but that, a piece of wood that people can use to freely, carelessly, come in and then leave without warning.
The only thing that stays with him, stays in him, is the poison.
FIN
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