Saving You

He's been waiting all evening for him to turn up, so when Cartman (sorry, the Coon) scrapes his stupid metal nails down the glass of his bedroom window with an ear-splitting screech, Kenny lets him in, no questions asked.

"What. The FUCK. Are you doing, Kenneh?" he yells as soon as he's inside, not bothering to keep his voice down. It doesn't matter anyway – Kenny knows his parents are either drunk or high right now, and they probably wouldn't even notice the fat kid in a stupid raccoon costume in his room, even though he's making enough noise to raise the dead.

"I'm not doing anything, Eric" Kenny replies calmly, and even though his voice is muffled by the orange hood of his old parka, he knows Cartman will understand him.

Of course, by 'understand', he means Cartman will understand the words, because he's certainly not comprehending the idea behind them.

"Then what's with all this Mysterion bullshit, huh? Are you doing this just to piss me off?" he asks, aggravated.

Kenny sighs.

"If this is about you getting kicked out of Coon & Friends, that was a group decision, and I-"

"I'm not talking about that, moron! I always knew you guys were assholes, especially Kahl... he'll get what's coming to him soon anyway. What I'm talking about is the fact that you're trying to get yourself killed!"

"... huh?"

"I was following your group of super-douches, and I saw you get stabbed by that creepy cult dude!"

"You saw that?"

"What the hell were you even thinking?"

"You remember it?"

"You weren't even trying to fight back!"

"You knew I was dead?"

"You died dude. You fucking died."

Kenny blinks at him, slowly. His head suddenly feels heavy.

"I die. All the time. But you're the first one to notice" he says finally.

"I've always known" Cartman replies. "I thought you were the one that didn't notice. You always acted like nothing happened. That's why I didn't want to bring it up."

A long pause followed.

"What I want to know," Cartman says, finally breaking the silence, "is why you thought up this retarded Mysterion idea in the first place. Was it just to spite me?"

Kenny ducks his head slightly, embarrassed. "No" he mumbles. "I wanted to help you."

"You what?"

"When I realised you were the Coon, I wanted to help you. But then you told me you wanted to work alone, so I..."

"Acted like a total dick to me, yes" Cartman finishes.

"Dude, you act like a dick 24/7. I should be allowed to return the favour at least once"

"Hey, fuck you Kenneh! I only came here to see if you finally kicked the bucket yet, but I guess you're okay, so I'm heading back to my NEW BEST FRIEND, Cthulhu! Screw you guys, I'm going home!"

And with that, Cartman leaps out of the window (clumsily) and disappears into the night.

Kenny watches him leave. His chest aches weirdly, and his eyes are watery, and he doesn't know why.

He's going to do something stupid now, he thinks, still staring at the now silent street.

And every time he does something stupid, I end up paying for it. But maybe that's why... I take the fall for him so he doesn't get hurt. That's why I became Mysterion. To save you from yourself.