Not Enough
I knew how she rejected you. How you admired her, even though you could never feel the touch of her skin or the beat of her heart. Why I asked, did you stay with her? You turned away from me then, auburn locks obscuring your expression from my vision.
"Perhaps…because I can see no other life…my duty is here," you said slowly, hesitantly.
And it cut to the bone. Ever since we had first met there was a bond. You felt it too did you not? A greater bond than you ever would have had with her…
You turn to me then, those piercing eyes cutting through me, commanding me to look at you.
"Maria," you say and I shudder at my own name. The name that will go down in history, the beginning of a life I wish not to live. "I will always love her," Your words were like the weight of the planet's gravity crushing down upon me. I wanted to scream, I wanted to run from the room, I wanted to destroy the planet I stood on and me with it. I close my eyes, trying to calm myself.
Then there is a hand on my shoulder, turning me towards you. And how I want to pull back, for you to go, for me to disappear into another time, another place.
But I stay.
And I let your lips gently press against mine and notice the way in which the caress turns into a heated battle. How I want to prove you wrong. How I want to make you love me. I want so much to be true.
The first time we were together it had happened so fast, a flurry of rumpled garments and tangled hair, of bed sheets and sweat soaked skin. You were not a gentle lover and to be honest neither was I. Afterwards my mind was cleared, like it never had been. That was when I thought I had come to a waypoint in my life…perhaps I had finally found another like me…
Then I had to see the way you looked at her, I had to see how you were so devoted to that silver haired wench, the way you followed her every command – the only person you followed... But jealousy is a stupid thing, is it not? Me, Maria Traydor, Captain of Quark, jealous of a woman from an underdeveloped planet. I had so much more than her…but she had the thing I had always wanted most. The one thing I could never have.
"Why?" I ask once again, although my voice is as hollow as a ghost. You push me onto your bed, the one I have slept in so many times now, its becoming as familiar as my own ship.
"Because some things I can't change, some things time will not erode. I will not lie to you,"
"I know…" And I wonder if you have ever lied before. Have you ever lied to her? Has she ever lied to you? No, it seems unlikely. You value pride, you value loyalty and pride and loyalty do not go hand in hand with lies. It's a realisation that in a way I cannot come to realise.
I entangle my fingers through those burning crimson locks, relishing in the way they slip like silk through my hands. And I wish to never lose that feeling. But time is all too short. To short for you to linger while you undress me, or for me to take more care as I plant kisses across your body, claiming it again as my own.
There is not enough time in the world, in the galaxy and all that is beyond.
Not enough time to fool myself into believing you love me.
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Author's Note: I don't quite know what to think of this myself. I wrote it on the spurr of the moment...which is roughly around 2am, so I apologize for errors and typos I have missed. Anyway, please tell me what you think, whether it good or bad :)