Manga: Ao Haru Ride
Pairing: Futaba x Kou
Disclaimer: Not mine
Genre: Drama/Romance
Summary: What exactly is she to Kou? Takes place immediately after chapter 22. Drabble in Futaba's POV.
Enjoy!
-Let's go back
Her chest is painfully tight. It's hard to breathe. It hurts.
She feels so empty inside she just follows Kikuchi-kun numbly, seeing the last minute over and over in her head: her calling out to Kou, him looking straight at her before turning away, hugging Narumi-san.
It hurts so much, having her mind full of him, loving him with all her being yet knowing that he cannot think about anything else but that other girl. She wants to be his priority, just like he is hers. But she's not. She knows she's being selfish and self-centered by thinking like this. She knows that Narumi, who she thought was as hurt as Kou was when they first met, is actually terribly hurting, since her own mother doesn't want her anymore. She knows that Kou is being an amazing, reliable friend. She knows all that. Still, her heart aches, she feels like she has been left behind. Does that mean that Kou chose Narumi-san?
She briefly wonders if it's bad. Being lucky enough to have both her parents by her side, to live together as a family, to have friends to support her. What's wrong with having a happy life? Is it her fault if she's happy while others are sad? Does she need to become miserable too, for Kou to look her way, for Kou to care for her?
She is overly insecure, because Kou is slipping further away. At the moment, the distance between them is such that she has the impression she won't be able to close the gap and reach him anymore. She feels the tears filling her eyes and tries to focus on the large, warm hand holding her wrist, leading her away from the pain.
What exactly is she to Kou? She is an idiot for ever thinking that she was a bit special to him. There is no way she can compete with Narumi-san, no way to surpass the bond the two of them share. No matter what she does, no matter how hard she tries, she will always be second best to Kou.
AN: chapter 22 was such a letdown. I don't understand why the useless drama and the character regress. Kou finally makes a move, chases after her, kisses her and everything is ruined with just a chapter. The one I'm really disappointed in is Sakisaka Io, though; she made such a refreshing, original shojo into a classic, cliché, mainstream thing. Give us back our AHR that dealt about youth, love, friendship, growing as a person and healing wounds. I hope she's trolling us and that she'll make things better next chapter! She has to D: !
Sou