Don't Fantasia on My Parade
(A/N: I would suggest you read the first and second chapters of Soul Contacted prior to this story. I DO NOT own anything FFXIV related except my own personal characters.)
"In a world far outside of what we all know, exists a realm filled horrors that we could only imagine. Man versus beast. Survival of the fittest. Kill or be killed. It's an Ixion eat Ixion kind of world out there and one young lalafell is willing to brave it all. She, and she alone, with her paladin sword and shield in hand will…"
"Heeeey! Can chu pwease shaddap Mister? I'm tryin ta find someting in my toy chest. Jeeze. Can't a lala be up ta someting without ya runnin' ya pie hole?"
"But you hired me to narrate for you."
"Nuuu. I hired chu for next week. I ain't payin for dis."
"Oh, you're right. It's written right here for next week. Well, that's another assistant fired. Have a nice day."
Shaking her head our little friend begins to rustle through her play chest trying to find something specific. "Nope. Nu huh. Not dis… nope. Dis eter." She flung item after item from her box over her shoulder until she found a little bottle filled with a sparkly blue liquid. "Eureka!"
"Did someone say eureka?" A large male au'ra popped his head into the room.
"Not dat kind Keeshan." Our little white haired trouble maker clarified.
"Um… why are you going through your chest in someone else's room?" He almost always knew better than to ask many details regarding his guild master's newly acquired daughter but sometimes things just couldn't be helped.
"Evadence, duh. Now, pwease take dis back outside and puts it back in da hole. Thankies." She said sweetly while packing the strewn items back up and shoving her toy trunk at him. "I'll covers it up when I'm done."
"That still doesn't explain why you are in my room…"
"Yeah yea, I'll tells chu later. Jush put dat back in da hole out back okaies? I gots stuff to do." Kiss pushed at his legs to move him forward and out of the room so that she could continue on with her day of mischief. Out of fear for what she would do if he didn't listen to her, Keeshan complied and took her toy box out to the back yard. She knew he was just about to set it down when she heard a very loud scream penetrate through the walls and into the guild house. "Why the hell are there bones in this hole Kiss?!" She knew burying the bones from last night's Kugane Fried Chocobo dinner would come in handy. Only a minute later did she look out the window to see him pick up the shovel and cover up the box and bones with the pile of dirt just off to the left all the while grumbling things like 'the creepy little muffin' and 'no one needs to see stuff like that.'
Kiss smirked and gave herself a mental compliment of a job well done. Unplanned mayhem was always a welcomed bonus to her. From there she made her way to the kitchen. She took a chair from the table and pushed it to the counter just in front of the coffee maker and proceeded to make a cup of coffee with sugar and milk. She even made it in the cup that her mother often referred to as Tomo's 'coffee bowl.' After the cup was freshly brewed Kiss spotted what appeared to be some fresh chocolate bubbles and added those to a plate and put both the coffee and plate onto a carry tray. The last thing to add was a drop of the blue potion to the coffee which she did all too happily. Kiss hopped off the chair and stood on tip toe to reach the tray from the counter and once she had it in her hands she made her way to Tomo's office.
"Eh, eh, eh." Due to her hands being full the little trouble maker had to knock with her foot and wait for the door to open. Upon opening the door Tomo watched his step daughter walk right into his office and up to his desk where once again standing on her toes she increased her shortness so that she could reach the top of the desk to set the tray down. After managing to put it down without spilling anything she climbed onto the guest chair and looked at the pink haired kitty that still stood at the doorway with a blank stare on his face. "Pwease close da door and haves a seat. We needs ta talk." She said, gesturing to his desk chair.
"Who the heck does she think she is telling us what to do?" His inner dark knight asked. This soul was not particularly fond of being bossed around.
"Calm down. She means no harm, after all she is Asha's daughter and you like when she bosses you around." Tomo chided his tank.
"This is true but she also sleeps with us and is a lot taller than two and a half feet." Came the reply and to Tomo's surprise his white mage made a noise that almost sounded like he agreed. Did his white mage have a kink he was unaware of?
"Daddy?" The lala's voice broke through his thoughts.
"What's going on half pint?" He could visually see her bristle at the comment towards her height. He smirked as he could tell she was going to have to hold back her temper. He took his seat and stared at her.
"I wanna apolo- apola- um, I wanna say I'm sowwie."
"For what exactly? As far as I know you haven't done anything to a-po-lo-gize for."
Kiss crinkled her nose at how he had said that. A trait she had gotten from her mother. Tomo knew she was up to something and so he was going to do what he needed to find out exactly what it was.
'Dis mudder fudder. He's tryna make me mad!'
"I shouldna treten chu for marrying momma."
"Oh that's right. You did 'threaten' me. If I recall you said you would fantasia me if I went through with it." This time he gave her a broad smile, one that Kiss could see clearly as for once he didn't hide behind his usual sly smirk which only seemed to annoy her more.
'OooOOoohhh… He's askin' for it. Nows he makin' fun of how I talks and he aints even hidin' it!'
"Yesh an dat was wrongs of meh. I knows chu make momma very happy and she loves chu deeply."
"As I do her." He said with care in his voice.
"So I'm sowwie an ta shows it I made chu coffee since momma can only poison da house pwants with hers. I mades some chocolate bubbles too." Kiss flashed him an innocent smile and she hoped he hadn't known the candy was already made. She needed him to think that she made them.
"So in order to accept your apology I am supposed to drink the coffee and eat the chocolate?" He gave her a curious look. His look went from her to the tray, which he has yet to touch though his monk was already bouncing around inside his skull."
"Coffee? Can we drink it? Let's drink it! Pleeeaaasseee? Pretty please?" Seriously his monk needed help. Clearly he has some new form of ADHD and needed medicating.
"We can't drink the coffee. Remember? Fantasia?" He reminded his monk.
"Chu can do whatever chu like. I dids my part but I did mean what I saids."
"So you put the fantasia in my coffee did you? I think I'll leave it alone but I could use something sweet and I do accept your 'not' fully meant apology." He picked up a chocolate bubble and tossed it up into the air, catching it between his teeth. Then he looked at her and just as he was about to start chewing it he noticed her smiling at him and immediately spat out the sweet treat.
"It's in the candy not the coffee! Oh you are slick little one but not slick enough. You just gave yourself away."
Kiss kicked at the floor and pouted. "Dang it. Chu gots meh. Fines, just wash it out wit da coffee." She sighed to herself, tears filling her eyes. He almost felt bad for her but what kind of guild master let alone father figure falls for a trick so easily? With an excited monk inside his head Tomo reached for the cup and took a victory sip.
"I'll tell you one thing you deff…" He cleared his throat. "You..." as he spoke his voice became more and more feminine. "Definitely make a better cup of coffee than your mother." His eyes went wide as he heard himself speak. Jumping up from his chair he pushed it back so hard it hit the wall and knocked over the statue of Shiva which had been perched on the shelf behind his desk. Tomo ran out to the common area where he recalled Asha had put up a full length mirror but as he made his way there he noticed pieces of his armor falling off along the way. First his head piece fell from its position down to his neck, fulling blinding him which caused him to run into the door. With a grunt he took of his helmet and opened the door only to trip over his feet. His boots were now oversized so he removed those to and continued to run. Next his pantalets fell to his ankles so he stepped out of those. He never slowed down and it felt to him his heart was now racing as fast as his feet. His chest piece weighed him down and felt too clunky to keep on so that too hit the floor. 'Just a few more feet.' He thought to himself. After having been fully stripped down he now stood before the reflective glass and screamed in horror. Before him he saw a shapely miqo'te whose form was pleasing to the eye but was not his own. She had long black and purple hair, curvy hips and breasts that were well rounded and sat perkily on her chest.
Tomo brought his hand up to his chest and when he did the reflective woman did the same only she touched her boob. Tomo gave his peck a light squeeze and as he did she squeezed her breast. From her lips came a soft and gentle "nyyaaah." Or rather from … his own mouth? That little jerk! It was in the coffee! No sooner than having realized what had happened a fellow guild member came up to him and after one look she yelled out through the guild hall "Hey Tomo? Who is the new naked girl?!"
'Dammit Mia. Why did you have to shout that?' His caffeinated monk wondered as did he.
Tomo's white mage pushed in his own opinion. "How ignorant could you have been not to have noticed that was in both the coffee and chocolate? Even I could have foreseen that."
Every active soul stone collected into a brain shattering shout. "Wwwhaaat?" Though choosing to ignore them all the white mage continued on. "But you know… We look damn good."
"Hehehe. By the way, Asha is more dominate with women." His dark knight would be the one to remember that little fact which seemed to add to his white mage's thoughts quite well.
Mentally Tomo could just imagine his scholar adjusting his glasses. "Well you do know now we can participate with the women when they shower right?"
For the first time since he could remember his mind went completely quiet. It was as if there were all in silent agreement that his scholar was a serious pervert. What had returned him to reality was kiss walking in wearing his helmet. She opened the visor to reveal the biggest smile he had ever seen on her face.
"Aunty Mimi why are chu yellin'? Tomo ish right der." She pointed to his new womanly body. "Two mommies can't make a baby." Kiss was so full of pride. She had won over the great, powerful and almighty Tomo. Not only had she beaten her step father but she'd taken down her guild master as well.
But Tomo refused to lose to the short little pip squeak. She had started a war and she now thought she was victorious. She already believed that she'd won which is why she actually lost. He walked up to his new little one and bent down so that he was face to face with her. With a deadly serious tone Tomo simply said, "That's what you think. I'm going to have sssooo much fun with this new body. Thank you Kiss." He or rather now, she, gave her a kiss on the cheek and pushed down the visor to the helmet and before pushing the little munchkin down to her bottom. Through the visor Kiss could see Tomo skipping away playfully and as she made her way in the direction of her mother's room Tomo began to unhook her bra and called out for her wife. "Asha, let's try something new. Come play."
Kiss looked from her new mom to Mia and back to Tomo then Mia again. She was incapable of speaking and the only sound of communication was the clanking of metal from the head piece as she continued her double takes. After a few minutes Mia finally decided to break the silence. "Was that your goal to give her perky tits and a firm ass?" No wanting to wait for a bitter response Mia pressed on. "So what now?"
Kiss took the helmet off of her head and tucked it underneath her arm. While staring at the empty space where her new mother once stood, Kiss scrunched her little nose and said with a serious voice, "Dis war ishn't ova yet. Tell Keeshan ta bring da shovel."
(A/N: Hello guys! It's ya guuuurrrrrl! . My bad for the throwback to the early 2000s right there lol. So here's a little spiff, the first installment of The Mini Adventures of Kiss not to be confused with the upcoming series of The Epic Tales of Lala and Goon, starring Kiss and a fellow guild member by the name of Grrunch. (Pre-approved character use) A note to Tomo wearing a bra, for those who don't play FFXIV when you use a fantasia from male to female they place a bra and panty on your character. Just reminder that I do NOT own anything related to Final Fantasy XIV except my own personal characters, Asha and Kiss as well as my hidden one I'll sneak in from time to time. Any other custom or personally created characters that I use I have been given permission. Thanks!)
(Another A/N: So I know I have a couple of people who have set alerts for my Naruto fan fic and I always keep saying I'll finish but haven't yet. I do intend on it and by summer I'll have access to another computer without having scavenge for use. So 'How Did We Come This Far' will progress alongside Soul Contracted, The Mini Adventures of Kiss and The Epic Tales of Lala and Goon!)