Abe paced back and forth. His watch was fifteen minutes ahead; he had to be sure he wouldn't be late for tonight. He straightened his slightly-wrinkled t-shirt and tried to fix the hairs out of place on his head. It was six-fifteen by his watch, and he wasn't supposed to meet with Mihashi until six-thirty. The two boys hadn't seen each other in a year. It was summer, and they were both home from their first year at college. Abe had gone to Kyoto to study business, but Mihashi had stayed close to home for his mother's sake. They had stayed in contact, but there was so much distance between them and so much to do that neither had seen the other in a long time. They had meant to meet up over winter, but Abe's family had surprised him with a trip abroad, making them unable to see each other.
When the prolonged distance made Abe realize that his feelings weren't going away, he finally decided to take a big step.
"Wanna… go out?" Abe asked over the phone. "For, maybe, dinner or something? Like, when we get back this summer. As… a date."
There was an agonizing pause at the other end. "Yeah," was the whispered reply.
"Ok. See you then."
"Yeah."
And then they hung up.
Abe leaned against the wall, his shoulder squished under his body weight. He sighed as his stomach turned nervously. His hair had grown a little- would Mihashi mind that? He was an inch taller- had Mihashi grown, too? He grabbed the keys to his car. They would go to a restaurant far away that night. A long drive both ways. That's all Abe asked for.
Mihashi sat on the couch, his back straight as a board. When the doorbell rang, he sprung to his feet and ran to the door.
"H-hi, Abe," he said. Mihashi couldn't look up from his feet.
"Hi, Mihashi," Abe replied. His eyes twinkled as he looked over his old friend. Mihashi hadn't changed at all: his face was still red, his shoulders were still twitching nervously, and his eyes were still inspecting his shoes.
"H-hi, Abe."
Abe frowned. He should have expected this. "C'mon, Mihashi. Let's go." Abe took Mihashi by the hand and led him to the car. They both got in and drove off.
"Where are we going?" Mihashi asked bravely.
"About thirty minutes away is a nice barbeque place. We're headed there. But first, I have a surprise stop."
"What is it?"
"You'll see. Just sit tight."
They drove on in silence until Mihashi began to talk. "You know, I- I've really missed you, Abe."
Abe smiled a little. "Yeah, I know."
"I really wished you had been with me this year. I made some friends. They're really great. You'll like them, Abe."
"I'm sure I will."
The ride went on in awkward silence for a little longer until Abe took a sudden right.
Mihashi cocked his head to the side. "A park?"
"Yeah," Abe replied as he parked the car. "Get out."
The two got out onto fresh grass. There were a few kids playing on the swings on a hill. At the bottom of the hill was a deserted baseball diamond. Mihashi turned to Abe to speak, but the taller boy was too busy digging through the trunk.
"What are you looking for?" Mihashi asked. He had to move his hand to stop a baseball from hitting him square in the face.
"Put this on," Abe commanded, tossing a glove to the pitcher.
Mihashi obeyed, watching Abe strap on his padding. "Are we gonna play?"
"Yeah. Let's go." Abe closed the trunk and the two headed towards the diamond.
For Mihashi, it was a relief to play with Abe again. The catcher in his college was wonderful, but Mihashi knew he would never feel with another catcher the connection he had with Abe.
Abe, who didn't play anymore, was excited to see Mihashi's progress. He worked as a volunteer coach for young children, but he did not join a team in college. He couldn't picture playing with any other pitcher again. He had to push Mihashi, who felt the same way, to join the team at school. As much as Abe couldn't picture catching for anyone else, envisioning Mihashi not playing baseball again seemed to be even more impossible.
"I might be a little rusty," Abe lied.
Mihashi didn't respond. He took his position at the mound.
"Whenever you're ready," said Abe behind his mask.
"That was a lot of fun!" Mihashi exclaimed. "I haven't had that much fun playing in a year!"
Abe smiled. "Your speed has improved. You only get better and better, Mihashi; you should be proud."
"Really? You think that, Abe?" The two made their ways back to the car. As they tried to go their separate ways around to their doors, they found their fingers were intertwined with the other's.
They both pulled their hands back in shock and got into the car. Abe turned it on quickly, his body shaking nervously.
"It's nearly ten!" he exclaimed as the numbers on the clock lit up. "How did that happen?" he looked at his watch, which had the same time. "It's gonna be closed!"
"It's still open," Abe sighed he read the hours of operation on the door of the place. "We should be fine, then." His padding was sitting in the trunk of his car, along with the ball and Mihashi's glove. They entered, sweaty and flushed, into the restaurant.
"This is a nice place," Mihashi observed. "I've never been here before."
"Me, neither," Abe admitted. "But I've hear a lot about it."
They were seated at a table for two in a secluded corner. The lights were dim, making the atmosphere intimate and calm. Mihashi had to squint to see the words on the menu.
They sat and ate in silence. Abe didn't want to rush through the night by speaking; Mihashi just didn't know what to say. Their food was delivered and they ate in a silence that was nearly uncomfortable. They sat underneath the dull yellow lights until their food was done. Abe sighed. He had the whole summer to spend time with Mihashi, but though dinner took its time going by, the night rushed somehow too quickly.
The next thing Abe knew, they were getting back into the car and heading back.
Thirty minutes.
That's all they had left.
Thirty minutes.
He drove slowly. There was no traffic on the road, so he was able to take his time without worrying about bothering other drivers.
"So," he began almost harshly with nerves. Mihashi jumped at the tone. Abe looked at his friend then back to the road. "So," he began again, gentler, "did you have a good time?"
"Oh, yeah, I did."
More silence.
They stopped at a red light.
It turned green.
It was a heavy silence. A nervous, awkward silence. A silence that begs to be broken by speech, but is too impenetrable. Too thick. Too powerful.
They arrived at Mihashi's house. They sat motionless for a moment, as if the silence was so heavy that it pressed them both into their seats. Then Mihashi unbuckled his seatbelt and got out of the car.
Abe gritted his teeth to keep from begging him to stay.
Mihashi leaned into the car, his fingers holding onto the roof of the car, his torso angeld toward the driver's seat. "Thanks, Abe," he whispered. And with that, the powerful, impenetrable silence disbanded. But Abe was still choked.
Mihashi looked at the driver a moment longer. A moment too long to not have a meaning. But Abe couldn't decipher it, and when Mihashi closed the car door and walked to his house, Abe knew it was too late.
Abe ran his thumb over his lips. Should he have…?
Was that what Mihashi wanted?
Abe almost laughed. There was no way that Mihashi would be that forward. He didn't know that Mihashi was sitting on the floor by the door with his knees pulled tightly against his chest, wondering what he had done wrong. Wondering why Abe had been so silent al night. Wondering how, between the call last night and the date, Abe had stopped caring for him. Had Mihashi changed that much? His eyes were closed tightly to keep in the tears.
Abe shook his head, his cheeks burning with understanding of a truth he didn't want to believe. Mihashi wouldn't want a kiss.
Then why did he lean into the car?
Before he could think about it, Abe got out of the car, leaving it running in the middle of the street with the door open. He paced, sliding back into the car, nearly slamming the door shut again. Then he got back out and ran onto Mihashi's property and pounded on the door, his hands hitting the wood about half as hard as his heart was pounding against his chest.
Mihashi stood, confused. He opened the door before he could wipe away the tears, the loud banging disorienting him.
Abe stood in the doorway, his hair disheveled from his hands running through it as he had tried to figure out what to do.
"Ab-?" Mihashi wimpered, his voice breaking with sadness. But before he could finish it, Abe wrapped his arms around the pitcher and pulled him close into a kiss. Abe held him so closely and leaned in so urgently that Mihashi beck back uncomfortably.
But the boy didn't complain. He had never been kissed before, and he never expected his first kiss to be so desperate or so passionate. He grasped Abe's shirt in his fists and kissed back as best as he could. When the two broke apart, Mihashi nearly pulled Abe right back into another kiss, but he stopped himself.
The two boys grew the same shade of red, and they quickly let of of one another. Mihashi, who had been bent back, lost his balance and fell to the ground. Abe covered his face with his hands.
Mihashi just stared at him.
"I should go," Abe murmured.
"Ok."
"I'll call you."
"Yeah."
"Tomorrow?"
"Yeah."
After a momentary pause, Abe said, "bye" and closed the door.
"Bye," Mihashi whispered to the door. And when he heard the tires squeal and take off, he jumped to his feet. "He likes me!" he exclaimed, jumping around the house. "He does! He really does!"