Author's note: I wrote this on a request from icecatfire and I hope you like it. It is taken from one of James' memories in 'How Black Broke Potter' (AU).
The party in the Gryffindor tower was full swing. Music so loud that it rattled the portraits on the wall and the Fat Lady shouted for it to be turned down, but of course no one listened, people dancing in the middle of the room, a few couples snogging in the corners and people drunk off of fire whiskey and butter beer that Sirius, Remus and Peter had snuck in.
Gryffindor had just one its first match of the year against Slytherin and this was after five straight years of flat out losing against them. James, who had been a first time chaser on the team since he had joined now he was a second year, had scored more hoops than anyone else. The captain, Gideon Prewett, had said that it was all down to him that they one, and James, ego swelled with his own brilliance, whole-heartedly agreed.
James looked about the party in wonder, his hazel eyes bright and his head slightly fuzzy from drinking alcohol at such a young age. This was the first time he had seen a Gryffindor party this far in, as last year he was a first year and they always get sent to bed before it gets to disorderly. He was honestly surprised that McGonagall hadn't come to shut the party down yet due to the racket they were making, but then he supposed that she was just as pleased with the win as they were, although she'd never admit it.
He could see Remus and Peter at the far side of the room, chatting adamantly with a couple of James' team mates, Remus slightly more talkative with the alcohol running through his veins, and Peter laughing loudly at something nobody else seemed to find amusing.
Sirius was, of course, at the centre of the party, he was dancing with a pretty blonde third year that James recognised as Amelia Bones.
As though sensing his gaze Sirius looked past Amelia's head to him, and gave him a mischievous smile, his eyes wide with excitement, before he shot him a wink and leaned in to kiss the girl, who automatically responding.
James laughed and shook his head, taking another sip of the bottle of butter beer he had been nursing. Sirius always did have such skills with the opposite sex, James supposed he could have too if he wasn't so focused on one girl in particular.
Scanning the room, James quickly found the girl in particular. Lily Evans. She was currently talking to her fellow second year girls, Marlene, Mary and Alice. Her Red hair was shining in the low light of the part and her green eyes were sparkling with whatever they were talking about, a smile making her whole face light up. Merlin, she was beautiful.
James' hand automatically went to his hair to ruffle it, giving it that 'just stepped of the broomstick' look, it was a habit he had picked up in first year when he was trying to impress Lily and one he now seemed unable to kick.
James took a deep breath and finished off the rest of his butter beer for 'liquid courage' and decided to go over to her. Maybe now that he had basically one the Quidditch game he would finally be good enough in her eyes.
He had asked her out twice since he had started liking her and both times she had replied with insults that constituted as solid no's, but maybe this would be his night. He had to believe that, it wasn't in his nature to give up, he was going to be with this girl eventually, he just knew it, if only she did too.
"Hello Ladies" James said in his most charming voice.
Mary and Alice giggled girlishly, making him smile, but had to resist the urge to wince when Lily's smile dropped at the sight of him. Marlene just rolled her eyes, but she was his god sister so he wouldn't have expected any less from her really, they had known each other since they were in nappies and that made it hard to find them charming.
"What do you want, James?" Marlene asked with a smile and James shot her a grateful look as he was struggling with something else to say at the clear irritation that Lily held at his presence.
"I just wanted to ask Evans if she would like to go out with me" James said, looking at the red headed beauty as he ruffled his hair again "Y'know, since I one the Quidditch match and everything"
Lily narrowed her eyes at him, her freckled cheeks flushing slightly in annoyance. He inwardly groaned, wondering what he had done wrong this time, she always seemed to find something wrong with what he had said and done, even when it had nothing to do with her.
"No, I do not what to go out with you, you insufferable idiot. And FYI it wasn't you who had won the game it was the whole team, I'm surprised your broom even managed to get off the ground with your fat head on it." Lily said quickly, glaring at him and her face getting redder as she worked herself up "I would never go out with you if you were the last person on earth, in fact, I hate you. So, sod off Potter."
Lily had shouted the last three words, before storming across the common room, grabbing a glass of firewhiskey on her way and downing it, as though the fact he had tried to talk to her was too much for her to deal with and that made James' insides lurch painfully.
Alice and Mary shared a glance, biting their lips, torn between pity and amusement, before they turned to follow Lily across the common room.
His god sister on the other hand gave him a sympathetic look and squeezed his shoulder comfortingly.
"I'm sorry, James" she said softly, as though that was supposed to help in some way. "are you okay?"
James didn't even respond because clearly he wasn't okay, and he put his shaking hands into his pocket and quickly glanced around the room, hoping no one else noticed the rejection, but was too hurt to feel relief when he found they hadn't.
Without another word to Marlene, he forced his way through the sea of people, ignoring anyone's request to get him to dance and congratulatory pats on the back, and quickly made his way up to his dorm.
As soon as he had closed the door to the second year dorm, he leaned against it heavily and dug the heels of his hands into his closed eyelids, willing himself not to cry, after all he was much too old for that now.
When he reopened his eyes and stood up straight he looked about the empty dorm, feeling as though it was too big somehow and it seemed much too quiet compared to the common room, even though the music, a new song by the weird sisters, was loud enough to still be heard.
He glanced at his own bed, but instead lay down on the one next to it, Sirius'. It was unmade and items of clothing were strewed about and he was almost certain he could feel some sort of Zonkos product digging into his back, but he didn't move, he just lay their staring at the closed red bed hangings around him. The bed was cold, but the covers smelt like Sirius, and that in itself was a comfort.
Sirius was always the one he went to when he needed comfort or cheering up or someone to laugh with or when he needed anything to be honest, Sirius was always there, his best friend. He often wondered where he would be without Sirius, but always had to stop himself as it hurt too much to even consider. In knowing him for just one and half years he had already become the most important person in James' life.
James lay there in silence for a long time, a few tears leaking out of his eyes now and again, steaming up his glasses, as he tried to wonder what he could possibly do to make Lily not hate him. It hurt to be hated, he had never been hated before and he didn't like it one bit.
He didn't even move when he heard Peter stumble into the dorm, a small crash as he tripped over Sirius' broom, and then the swoosh of bed hangings as he made it into his bed, although he was pretty sure it was Remus', not Peter's, but he didn't say anything.
Not soon after Remus came up, his footsteps were stumbling too, but not as badly as Peter's, he heard him halt and he must have seen Peter was in his bed as he continued to Peter's and there was a groan of mattress springs as he too got into bed.
He had to wait another half an hour before the door to the dorms finally opened again and Sirius entered. James heard him fumbling with his robes, unlike Remus and Peter seeming sober enough to change into his pyjamas before getting into bed.
Sirius' face appeared in the bed hangings, and he looked surprised to see James in his bed, but didn't say anything, he just climbed in next to him, pulling the bed hangings closed again behind him.
Sirius' looked at him and there were a thousand questions in the quirk of his eyebrow. James suddenly found himself answering them all. His rejection by Lily, how much it hurt and how he couldn't understand what he was doing wrong and how he could make it better and how could she like Snivillus and not him?
His best friend just listened to him rant and when James was finished he wrapped him into his arms as tears began to leak from his eyes and used his pyjama sleeve to wipe the steam from his glasses. He didn't apologise or ask him if he was okay like Marlene did and James liked that.
"It just hurts, Sirius. To be hated" James told him, moving slightly closer into his best friends warmth.
"I know" Sirius said softly, his tone of voice one he was sure only he had ever heard.
Most of the time James hated when people said that, because they didn't know, how could they when they hadn't been through exactly what he had? But the fact of the matter is that despite having never having liked a girl longer than a few days and never having been rejected by any of them, Sirius did know. He knew because he was at one with James, he could understand perfectly without even having to try.
James felt like a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders after being with Sirius and he felt calm, just like he always did in the presence of his best friend. He loved Sirius, although he would never say that out loud.
The music room in the common room was getting quieter as the party calmed and people were probably going to bed and Lily still hated him and James looked at Sirius with teary hazel eyes as they lay facing each other on Sirius' bed in the middle of the night.
"Don't worry, Jamie" Sirius said softly, wiping the tears off of his cheeks "She'll come around. She just doesn't see the real you, you're an amazing person" he said comfortingly, placing a kiss on his forehead.
James sighed in content and snuggled down in the bed, his arm just brushing Sirius'. He felt content with his presence. Knowing that unlike Lily, Sirius didn't hate him, and probably never would. At least James hoped so, if it hurt when Lily hated him, it would probably be unbearable if Sirius did.
They lay in silence for a long time. However, silence for James and Sirius was never just silence. They were still communicating, sometimes it's with a twitch of a finger or arch of a brow or a distinct look in their eyes that only the other could interpret.
Sometimes they could sit beside each other in absolute silence and making no movements, and their train of thought always seemed to be heading in the same direction. It was on these occasions that they could break the silence and be half way through a conversation no one else had heard.
In the silence right now Sirius was speaking a thousand words of comfort that people other than James couldn't even begin to fathom.
James fell asleep then, his best friend by his side, a look of peaceful content on his face, not even a trace of the earlier anguish remaining.