Author's Note

So, yeah I'ma big Orgy XIII fan, so I couldn't help it. It stars Night's OC as the maid, and ensures humor, and maybe even a little OOC, please enjoy!

Disclaimer

Organization XIII doesn't belong to me. Grawr...

"Maid," Zexion cleared his throat and began reading, his finger tracing the words as he spoke.

"A young unmarried woman." he stopped to gauge Xemnas' expression. There was an odd look of curiousity on the Superior's face and he nodded for Zexion to continue.

Zexion sighed before reading the next meaning.

"A woman who has never had sexual intercourse..."

This time, Xemnas sneered and muttered something about buying adult dictionaries from telemarketers.

Zexion read the last meaning with relief, "A woman servant, for example, one working in a hotel."

A smirk crossed the Superior's face. "That's exactly what I'll get Number VI, a woman servant..." he gloated.

"I am a genius!" he raised both arms in the air, as he does while ranting about Kingdom Hearts. For one with no heart, he's quite expressive with his gestures.

Zexion was more-than-a-little peeved by Xemnas' arrogant comment. "Superior, why not have a male servant?"

"What? Are you mad? The fans have already come with a disturbing anagram with my name, and getting a male servant would just assure them of that! Why, with a female servant, I'll never hear those ridiculous names again!"

"What do you know. He's as happy as a horny schoolgirl." Zexion muttered under his breath. Then he realized that he should never say things like that EVER again.

Luckily, Xemnas had already vanished into a dark portal and didn't hear the Schemer's atrocious remark.

As fate would have it, Xemnas stuck to his word.

It was both shocking and predictiable.

The other members were rather eager to see what the Superior dragged home. Who would follow some tan skinned, white-haired freak with a black coat? Someone mentally handicapped, that's who.

They were called into the hallway, and not the normal "tall chair" room to discuss the maid issue. (By the way, how does one get up to those chairs?) The hall was filled with chatter that suddenly ceased once the Superior entered the doorway. There was no one with him. Had he not found an unsupecting woman to kidnap?

"As you all may know, the Organization is one of the most feared group of villians. And yet, for villians on a full-time evil job, not including Sundays, it does get very tiring and also, very untidy." Oh, boy, this is going to take forever. "Today, I happen to stummble across a word, a very interesting word, and I set out to find one worthy of this word. And well, as the say, cleanliness is next to godlyness, and I found someone who would do just that. Clean so that we may be gods!"

Xemnas gestured toward the doorway, "This is some lady, and she is our maid..." His tone of voice sounded more indifferent as he spoke of the maid.

There was complete silence, then footsteps, then a woman. She stood at about 5'4, had lovely dark hair that covered one eye and lay on her shoulder and glistening lavender eyes. The members didn't know what to do. Laugh? Cry? Pretend to like her? Kill her? Then, finally, Axel spoke.

"You know we just could've told the Dusks to do the cleaning for us."

"Yes, I do know, Number VIII, but has anyone used the Dusks to clean anything? Besides, it's more fun to tortune a heart-bearing human."

Luxord glanced at the woman to see how she took the insult. She seemed not to care.

"Any questions?" the Superior asked nicely, which is kinda creepy.

Larxene raised her hand.

"That really isn't necessary, Number XII, but what is it?"

"Can we go now?"

"Yeah!" A few other voices called out. Stupid younger members, always thinking their the kings of the world. Xemnas rubbed his temples. "Yes, you may leave."

Just as quickly as the hall was filled, it was empty. No one, but Xemnas and the new maid stood. Xemnas turned to the young woman. She stared back with an apatheic stare.

"I'm still getting paid, right?"

Xemnas flinched. Crap! I forgot about that part! "Uhm, let me show you around the castle, my dear." he spoke, quickly changing the subject and attempting to compliment the woman. Didn't you read it or maybe I should rewrite it? You saw it? Okay.

And so, with a hand on the woman's shoulder, Xemmy lead the esteemed maid into the depths of the Castle.

It should be said that oringinally Xaldin was in charge of the kitchen duty, but seeing as the Organization had a maid to do everything (including cooking and laundry), he set this duty aside just to see what the maid could do. It was a personal hobby of Xaldin. Making people feel like crap. He leaned against the wall, next to the stove and awaited the arrival of the maid. He made sure to notify the others what time dinner would be served, and as most know, Nobodies get very angry if food isn't at the promised time.

The clock ticked to the exact moment to begin cooking (Let's say dinner's a 8 'o clock, so you begin cooking at 6) and no one was to be seen. Two minutes ticked by, and Xaldin became very pleased with himself as his plan was working. Then, after a clatter of pots and pans, the Esteemed Maid (that'll be her name from now on) wearing a pink apron entered the kitchen.

"I tell ya, I can never find my way around this place." she remarked, filling a pot with water and throwing it on the stove.

Xaldin was dumbfounded. "How did you know when dinner would be served?" he asked intimdatingly.

Intimidation didn't seem to work. "A nice man told me. His name was...Ah! Demyx! Quite the adorable fellow."

She took out a carrot and a knife and chopped with lightening fast speed.

Yet again, Xaldin was dumbfounded. Knives were removed from the Castle for the safety of wandering hands. How'd she get one?

"Uhm, where did you get that knife, maid?" he asked, stressing the word maid as if women shouldn't know much.

"Oh, this?" insult ignored. "Xemmy told me that I would have to bring my own provisions when I'm first starting out on this job." she spoke while tossing the carrot slices into the pot and immediately slicing a potato.

Her skills were impressive, even for a chef like Xaldin. He lightened up and cleared his throat for the next question.

"Where did you learn to cook?"

"My father taught me. I cooked for my brothers all the time back at home, too. 'Cept, now I got a whole crowd to feed. This is going to be challenging..."

Xaldin stroked his chin. "What are you making?"

The Esteemed Maid chuckled. "I don't know."

Xaldin cocked an eyebrow. "You don't know?"

After tossing a couple of potatoes slices and chopped onions, she spoke again. "No, I don't. I'm experimenting."

She rummaged through more pots and pans and found a small bag. Xaldin could only glance at the galore of spices before she snatched out a few and threw them into the pot, which now smelled more like stew.

Xaldin had never heard of such a thing! Cooking without a book? What lunatic would attempt that? This maid is getting herself fired.

Or was she? She seemed to know what she was doing. Only time would tell now.

Many experimental dishes and 2 hours later...

"Dinner is served!" the Esteemed Maid announced.

It was actually very, very suprising and very tasty looking. Truly, everyone had underestimated the maid; even Larxene was beginning to respect her and not because they both have ovaries.

Xemnas was overly proud of himself for finding such a wonderful maid.

And Xaldin...was pissed, yet highly regarded the new maid as a cook. The members didn't throw food as they would if he had cooked.

Now was the hard part: washing dishes. Again, as fate would have it, Demyx took a liking to the maid and helped.

Everything was calm in the Castle That Never Was, that is until, Axel started up a game of truth or dare. Guess what happens next? Hm? No!

He dared himself to bake a cake because he felt like it and wanted to try his hand at baking. The Esteemed Maid wasn't in the kitchen, and he didn't seem to care, so he mixed up some batter and said, "Screw the oven! I'll just use my pyrotechnics to blow up something I know the maid will have to clean up!"

Okay, maybe he didn't say that, but he was thinking it in the wee depths of his mind. And after this event, he began calling for the maid.

And he called.

And he called.

And he called.

"Where the hell is she?" he said, scratching his head and sitting on the dinner table which is a big "no-no" as declared by Xemnas, "The table could break and we don't want you getting a fork in the crevice of your ass."

Being the kindled spirit that he is, Axel notified the Superior right away.

Can't have a runaway maid, now can we?

How was it? I think it's pretty good if I do say so myself, but the things that the creator is proud of, other people often say is crap. Flames and comments welcomed. I'll leave it up to you to judge if I should write a second chapter or not.