Disclaimer: You know it. I know it. Lawyers know it. I own neither the characters nor the lyrics. Song used in beginning: Coming Undone by Korn
All for Freedom
Keep holdin' on
When my brain's tickin' like a bomb
Guess the black thoughts have come
Again to get me
….
Choke, choke again
I thought my demons were my friends
Getting me in the end
They're out to get me
If there's one thing in the world that Dr. Banner knows about, it's demons. And the effects of Gamma radiation. And anger management. And all kinds of plants that pack a major healing punch. But mostly demons. Kinda hard to not know about demons when living with the past he's got and the green rage-monster just lurking beneath his calm façade. He's almost an expert on the subject.
But if there's one thing in the world that Dr. Banner doesn't know about, it's how to deal with demons. Oh sure, he tells the other Avengers that he's fine, that he's got the Other Guy under control. That he doesn't need to talk (though Stark always wears that suspicious expression. Might have to keep on him.). In reality, he's only a master of suppression.
The scientist clamps down on his fury but never does anything about it until it's too late. He counts the days without incident, not realizing that those numbers act as a cage. They count down his life. He wants his freedom desperately but builds so many walls that he's locked within himself. He acknowledges the Other Guy but never embraces him, determined to keep the two entities separate. And alone.
Wrapped in the chains of his own design, the freedom, which he thinks will save his existence, is so far away that he despairs and falls farther into all-consuming darkness. Yet the freedom sitting right beside the good scientist goes unseen. It is not invisible; rather, it is only ignored. And the demons work to keep it that way.
Dr. Banner stares at the gun around which his hands have closed. The cool metal kisses his skin, raising goose bumps up and down his arms. And though he's looking at the beautifully apathetic barrel, his mind only repeats the same images over and over again. A broken, stuttered pattern. First comes Harlem, then fire, then Abomination, and then Betty. Finally, rage.
The rage reminds him of all he, no, the Other Guy, has killed or wronged or flat-out destroyed. 'But aren't we the same?' he thinks, hanging his head, ashamed of what he cannot control. The burning fury sparks within the endless sorrow, and Banner hurriedly shoves it to the back of his mind. He won't allow the Other Guy to ruin his chance at freedom again.
'Both our freedoms.' Because in the end, the Other Guy is just as bound to Banner as Banner is to him. And the monster loathes it.
At least that is what the scientist thinks. With all the Hulk's desperate attempts to gain control and every refusal Banner makes, isn't it logical to assume that the Hulk wants release, too? He never considers the possibility that the Other Guy may care for him in some small way. How many times has he saved his host's life? Dr. Banner only remembers the pain swirling around each transformation.
He bites his lip as he studies the gleaming weapon. The scientist doesn't want to die. Truly, he doesn't. But how can he go on when his existence endangers those that he wishes to save? His heartbeat quickens as he presses the barrel to his temple, and he prays that the Hulk won't interfere again. Dr. Banner makes one slight error, though.
He doesn't count on any of his teammates interfering.
As the guns shakes within his hand, he hears the door to the lab open. Dr. Banner swears. Stark's back early.
The scientist slowly lowers his chance at freedom and bows his head. He knows what's coming. Stark will demand to know his reason why and then proceed to attempt to convince that it's not worth it before he can even answer. Banner growls within himself but waits for the fast, loud steps to approach him.
They never come.
Instead soft, yet still confident, feet pad towards him. Somewhere within his now empty brain, Banner vaguely wonders how Stark manages such a bizarre feat. Then he freezes. Warmth, human warmth, surrounds his frame. It covers his back and wraps around his arms, pulling him to the source. He can't believe it.
A person actually wants to touch him. Him, Dr. Banner, the man who turned himself into an uncontrollable monster. It feels…nice. He suddenly laughs at the generic adjective. He thought that if someone ever decided to accept him, the feeling would be much more grandiose. Even so, he doesn't complain.
Instead Dr. Banner leans back and takes comfort in the fact that someone cares enough to embrace him. Behind him Tony exhales softly. The long breath ruffles Banner's chocolate curls. "Why, Bruce?" he inquires softly. "Am I not enough to keep you here in this life?"
"Stark," whispers Banner, touched and distressed by the sheer vulnerability in the billionaire's voice.
"Tony. Call me Tony." The billionaire exhales again and removes his arms, allowing them to fall to his side. "Answer my question, Bruce."
"Tony, you have been the only friend I've had in a long time," begins Banner, "but you should know that I'm too dangerous to keep alive." Tony snorts.
"Damn it, Bruce, I'm a fucking genius. Tell me the truth. I can handle it." Bruce falters and turns in his seat, facing the man for the first time. He is struck by how pallid his flesh is and his labored breathing.
"Why do you care, Tony?" The billionaire unleashes a harsh laugh and runs a nervous hand through his hair. Bruce only raises an eyebrow.
"I refuse to let another person walk out on me." Bruce closes his eyes and lets the weight of his words sink into him. He knows how difficult it must be for Tony to expose his fears. "I want the truth." The pleading of his tone and the sorrow in his expression finalizes his decision.
"I want to be free of my demons."
"You idiot," says Tony, hugging him again, this time more fiercely. "Then let me help you find your freedom. Let us. Don't give up yet because we sure as hell still need you." And as Tony's warmth invades Bruce's being, his chains begin to loosen.
I apologize if Tony is a little OOC. I hope I didn't mess up his character too badly. Let me know what you think!