Come on, Cassian
Cassian is afraid to fly again and Nesta makes sure he does.
There were days when he'd look at himself and all he'd see was failure. A person worthy of being thrown to the wolves and the wasteland beyond. Bastard-born nobody would be written along his body like the tattoos he held so dearly. Maybe that's what his mother saw that day, a bastard-born nobody.
There were days where the lines on his forehead could count as scars. When Cassian looked at the mirror, a warrior didn't stand erect before him, didn't shout commands or issue orders. It was only a broken man with broken promises, and a hope that dimmed every time he saw the sun.
The stark white of his bandages blinded him, made him blink over and over again to release the glare forming in his eyes. They would laugh at him, berate him for believing the world was anything but what it was. A disappointment; a war that took no prisoners and made few friends. Cassian could bear the pain of his wings, but he could not bear the sorrow.
They had tried to talk to him, to make him go outside, to show any sign of the being he once was. He wouldn't, Cassian was anything but a liar. He refused to crack jokes and smile as if the ground wasn't falling beneath his feet.
He saw it in their eyes, the remorse that was covered with forced laughter and silent grimaces. When Azriel could barely look at him, and Mor could barely speak to him. He saw it in the way Rhys would keep silent when he was in the room; when they looked at his wings when they were sure he wasn't looking. No one let him forget.
He couldn't forget. And now as he stood at the edge of the precipice, the sea beating against the rock with vengeance, he wondered what it'd feel like to touch the heavens and everything below them. He wanted to feel the mist spray along the fabric of his being. He'd give his soul for just one moment.
Cassian hadn't noticed the figure standing behind him, as still and ever present as his shadows. He knew who it was, could smell her honey scent, could practically feel the pulse of her heartbeat. Cassian didn't want to look at her, and how the light danced with her hair.
Nesta.
He had tried to stay away from her, tried to show her he meant no harm. Still, it had come to her. Her name echoed in the crevices of his mind. He thought of her constantly. He couldn't forget. When Cassian closed his eyes, he could still hear her screams.
No, the only things he couldn't forget were his pain and the sound of her voice as she succumbed to the cauldron.
Only silence could be heard within the bubble that surrounded them, silence, the sea, and their breathing. Nesta didn't let him run away.
"What are you afraid of?"
Cassian wouldn't let himself glance at the sun, didn't let himself envision how the wind would feel along his wings. Even as he had been cleared to fly, he couldn't bear the idea, couldn't imagine what would happen if his wings didn't carry him.
"I don't want to fall."
His soft whisper echoed through the mountain side. He was a fool. A fool, because no matter how many times he shattered glass for the pains in his back, no matter how many times he screamed at the stars that he didn't deserve this, he still couldn't face his enemy.
Cassian didn't want to fall and know it was all over, that he would never be whole again.
"It's possible." She admitted with a shrug.
His whole body incinerated at the sound of her cruel word. If she didn't believe there was hope, there was no chance left for him. He was a nobody, his faith meant nothing. Cassian couldn't do this, why did he think he ever could?
"It's possible you won't fly again."
The words made him want to rip the ground she stood on, demand she stop rubbing his fear in his face. He wanted her to stop, would roar it if he could. But the sweetness of her voice calmed his demons.
"But it's equally possible you will."
Nesta grabbed his face, made him stare into the eyes that had caused him so many sleepless nights. His lungs felt as if they were collapsing, but his heart learned to beat again.
"Cassian, you can be afraid of falling, but you can't let it stop you. Or you'll never feel the sun again."
The sun. He wanted to feel it along his back, the warmth and comfort it brought him, like a mother swaddling her young. He had never had a mother, but he had had the sun.
"You'll never feel the wind glide along your wings. You'll never feel the kiss of air along your face."
Her forehead laid on his, forcing him to grasp every word. He would have resented the notion, but her smile made him feel like he was flying.
"Your heart will never lift your burden, you spirt will never soar. You'll never know freedom again."
That idea scared Cassian more than anything else. To never do something he loved, would be to lose a part of him he could never replace. A hole that could never be filled. He'd be empty for eternity, for a lifetime. He'd be unfixable. Her voice sounded like heaven.
"So, let the fear make you, let it guide you, let it be your strength. Because believe me Cassian, there are worse things in this world than falling."
She grabbed his hand, led him to the edge of the cliff, the sea crashing below. Orange and yellows melted into the sky, made him feel like he was dreaming. The clouds looked soft enough to touch, the air smelled like rain. He should have been afraid, he should have wanted to hide. But all he noticed was the softness of the hands that held him so tightly.
As if he could ever think of running away.
The person he'd ever want to run to was right beside him. He took one last look at the image of her, at the eyes that haunted his dreams. He wondered why they left him mesmerized, why they reminded him of home. Nesta's eyes were as blue as the sky above him.
Her eyes didn't show remorse, regret, fear, or doubt. They didn't let him down, didn't let him believe he was hopeless. The strength, the steel beneath her irises promised freedom. Freedom he yearned.
His legs moved on their own accord, stepping closer and closer to the edge. His pain and fear laid at the bottom of the sea. He would not carry it with him. It was too heavy for his wings.
His wings billowed around him, breathing in the wind. His heart thumped like the crack of thunder. His lungs took in the air, the current, as if he had been holding his breath the whole time. It had been too long. A magnificent wave rolled up his body and he couldn't remember his name, only the light in the distance guiding him home.
Cassian let go of her hand. Some part of his heart told him it wouldn't be for long. He had too many places he wanted to take her to, too many places he wanted her to see. But the sea, the air, the sky was calling him and he could not keep them waiting. So, he let go and he jumped.
Oh, did the sun feel glorious against his wings.
This will maybe be a two-shot. Possibly. Depends. But Thanks so much for reading, I hope you liked it! Tell me what you think, or what you want to read next.