Under the Covers, a criminal minds fanfic

Author Mentions: First story. The song mentioned in #13 is John Wayne Gacy Jr by Sufjan Stevens. The title is influenced Under the Covers by the Spill Canvas. Enjoy.

Rated: T

Pairing: Spencer Reid/Derek Morgan

Disclaimer: I own a new notebook, some spearmint gum, and a cat. But no claims to Criminal Minds.

If I could sleep forever

1. Their first names are reserved with the same passion as I love you, or Don't leave me. Reid knows how much emotion is present when he hears Spencer being uttered. He knows especially that, in the bedroom, Derek is never allowed, never spoken, because it would remind both of them of the things done to Morgan when he was younger, vulnerable, violated. Reid knew that 82% of all sexual abuse victims knew their attacker, and they were subjected to side affects like Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, along with depression, fear and insomnia.

2. Unsurprisingly, Morgan is a lot neater than Reid. Morgan reasons, with vague affection, that having a brain as large as Reid's does not register orderliness that Morgan finds comfortable. Which is why, when Morgan and Reid moved in together on the eve of their seventh month dating, Reid was given is own room that looked slightly like a college professor's office, but perhaps without mahogany wood and cigars.

3. Their apartment, though comfortable, is not limited to the times when they both come home from a case and it feels like no one ever lives here. Despite the dark brown leather couch, and the pictures of family lining the walls (all of Morgan's), and the assorted pile of socks that are almost falling of the drawer (all of Reid's), it still seems a littler emptier than the last time they were both here. Especially after the most extensive cases, the smiling and loving and cooking cannot seem to fill it.

4. While Morgan likes to sleep in, Reid is understandably an early riser. More than a few times as Morgan woken up, his lean and muscular body in almost the exact position they have fallen asleep in and has found his head nestled on Reid's lap as the doctor reads through a book, or flips through channels on the television. Morgan knows that Reid would probably feel more productive getting up, but Reid wouldn't want to wake him up. He watches on some nights when the sheets are pulled down and the curtains are closed that Reid sets a hefty stack of books next to his side of the bed (Left, always left) when he thinks Morgan isn't looking.

5. After living together for two months, Reid was captured by Tobias Hankel and Morgan wanted nothing more to break something, or break everything, and he can't sit down, he can't move, for fuck's sake, he can barely breathe. The potential death of his lover sets low in his chest, a giant weight swallowed and making room in the pit of his abdomen. He can hardly look at JJ without wanting to tear the counters out of the kitchen because really, really, how could they split up? How could she be so stupid? How? How did this happen? And then she cries, really cries, and he knows it isn't her fault. It could never be here fault. He still wants to tear the counters out, just to give him something to do, because never in his life had he felt so useless.

6. When Reid is safe, is found, he is undeniably damaged. If Morgan knew how to cry, he would, cry for Reid, just as he wanted to cry for all the boys Carl Buford took. But all he can feel is Reid's breathing, and the stinging in his eyes that just won't go away. In the morning Hotch has called to let Morgan and Reid know that they have two weeks off, but Reid can understandably take more time off if necessary. Morgan realizes, for the first time, that he is up and Reid is still fast asleep, the sheets and blankets wrapped tightly around him. The cold skin almost pierces Morgan's warm hand when he wraps his lover in his arms, pressing his lips to Reid's forehead. In the next few weeks, Reid looks a little thinner, a little sadder. Perhaps Morgan is the only one who notices.

7. Morgan once tried to teach Reid how to use chopsticks on one of their nights off. Some hours later, he had woken up in the middle of the afternoon the next day, naked, confused, and very content. Reid had looked down from his book and slide back under the covers, placing his chin on Morgan's chest. Let's waste the day away together. He whispers. Morgan know it's improbable (As Reid could remind him pointlessly) but he feel the emotion (Dopamine, the chemical of love) pull into his heart and he's never loved the boy more than he had before in that moment.

8. Reid realized with a sudden shock of clarity at six in the morning that it could be possible that Morgan was embarrassed about the fact that he was nearly ten years older than him. He thought it was impertinent, because Reid felt that he was a lot older than twenty-four. He never mentioned it, or thought about it after that morning.

9. The drug abuse is startling to Morgan because he thought that drugs were for criminals, for useless, petty people - the opposite of Reid. But when he sees his lover sitting beside the toilet in their apartment one night, high as the heavens, he realizes that all energy he put into trying to keep Reid safe from the world's dangers, he forget to keep Reid safe from himself.

10. A year after they had started to work together, they started to date. Reid hadn't even known he was gay. Many times, especially after a particularly stressful case, Garcia will retell the tale of how she bravely set the two of them up without them even knowing. Not wanting to ruin her fun, they let her tell the story to them, because she was really the only one who really knew the details of the relationship (most co-workers knew that they had - well, that they had a thing). She told them with gusto and accuracy, even though that there was no crazy stripper, or a diamond covered chocolate cake involved. It's one of the rare times they can be open around each other without being confined to their home, and for that simple sense of acceptance, they thank Garcia without really knowing how to thank her.

11. Morgan bought a shelf for all of Reid's completed Rubix Cubes. When Reid said he had a few, Morgan wished he had picked up on the fact that Reid had blushed. Instead, he came home with one shelf, and found out that there were actually eighty-six completely Rubix cubes, not four or five.

12. Truthfully, even after they had accomplished a steady relationship, Morgan was never ceased to be surprised at Reid's unveiling innocence. Every touch, every kiss, every movement affects Reid, as if he had about 30 trillion nerves that swarmed around him. (Though Reid told Morgan that there is only one continuous nerve in the body that branches out over a billion times). Sometimes, he felt so guilty, because Reid was young, a lot younger than he was at twenty four. It was the first time they had sex, Morgan wasn't surprised that Reid was a virgin in all aspects. He remembers the night well, but he's sure that Reid remembers it better, down to everyone moan, groan, to the small tear droplets shed, to the whispering that was held after word. He tried to apologized, he wanted dearly to let Reid know that he didn't mean to hurt him - that - that he just wanted to show him how much...Reid had then taken Morgan's face in his hands, and the tear tracks were still visible, but he was composed. I know what I am doing Reid had told him. You won't break me. Somehow, Morgan had a really hard time accepting that.

13. Reid's favorite song is about a serial killer. Go figure, Morgan thinks.

14. When they caught Carl Buford, the team had stayed in a hotel in Chicago before taking their jet first thing in the morning. When Morgan had arrived at the hotel by himself that night, slightly after Gideon and Hotch, he went straight up to his room, without saying anything to Prentiss or JJ, let alone kick back with the team. Collapsing on his bed, he felt his body shake in a nerve racking state of vulnerability, without the presence of tears. He soon realized that he was not alone, as Reid lied himself down on the hotel bed next to him, his feet covered in a maroon striped sock, the other one an orange one. Morgan couldn't cry. So Reid cried for him.

15. Morgan wish he knew how to make the nightmares go away. After the Hankel case, and after the drugs, it became harder and harder for Reid to sleep through the night. In their tiresome days at work, dealing with pure horror both of the men would lie down for sleep. But Morgan knew that the real terror would start shortly after Reid closed his eyes. Sometimes Red would grab his hand, like he knew he wouldn't be able to get through the night without it. Morgan would press himself up against Reid, cocooning the lithe body in his arms, both of them waiting for what was about to come.

16. Reid can hardly stand John Mayer. Morgan hums Say a couple times a week.

17. When Reid got shot after jumping in front of the doctor, all he could think about was what Morgan was going to look like when he found out about it. He knew that Morgan had a particularly difficult time understanding that he will not break. It was not that he was starring down the barrel of a gun, or felt the merciless pain shooting through his leg or the feel that the bullet had probably damaged most of his leg nerves - it was, knowing that when Morgan found him, Reid would once again have to convince that he was strong enough. It kept him breathing a little longer, hold the gun a little tighter, trying to see point of not giving up just yet.

18. They've only ever had one huge fight. An actual fight. It started after Reid and Prentiss had been almost killed inside of Cult with Cyprus. When Reid had confessed he was the FBI agent to save Emily, he had been beaten extensively. Morgan was furious. How could he been so daft headed? Why was it that Reid always had to save everyone, when he could never seem to save himself? After the routine trip to the Hospital, and a hostilely silent car ride, then end up in the kitchen, with Morgan huffing and glaring, and Reid explaining defensively that it was my choice, it was in the line of duty, and really, I wasn't actually even that hurt.

That was the last straw for Morgan, who lashed out and grabbed the nearest ceramic plate, throwing at the wall behind Reid and listening to it break with an ear splitting scream. Reid,with the cut on his chin, and the bruise eye, had turned as pale as Morgan had ever seen him.

I CANNOT LOSE YOU, REID. I CANNOT - I CANNOT WATCH YOU DO THIS, EVERY TIME, IT SEEMS

I CANNOT - I can't lose you...Spencer...I can't watch you die... Morgan screamed and then seemed to weaken visibly at his lithe lover, who looked like he wasn't breathing. After a few moments, Reid stepped closer to Morgan, who seemed to regaining his control. He placed a kiss on Morgan's giant bicep.

I'm sorry.

19. As it was a team full of highly intelligent, highly qualified FBI profilers, it took them a surprisingly long time to find about Reid and Morgan. This was prevented from many efforts on both sides. When the team went out after work, Morgan made a point of dancing with a few faceless girls before heading out. Reid, would shortly follow in a seperate car, or wouldn't come to the bar at all. When they were at work, no affection physically was acted on. No special glances, no late nights together finish paper work. It wasn't the main fear of being split up, or having to work different cases...No, what always made Morgan and Reid on edge was the fact that these people were profilers. And one crack in the dam would and the second would follow, bigger, with more leakage, until everyone knew their whole love life. Besides Garcia, who had set them up, it was Gideon, before he left. He was the only one, a month after the two had gotten together. It wasn't until the Hankel case that it was JJ, and then, when Reid was trapped in the cult, was it Prentiss. At last, after the Morgan was subjected to 'The Reaper', did Rossi and then, finally, Hotch, figure that there must be something.

20. After Haley died, it struck Reid how dangerous this job was. It wasn't the numerous gun downs, and his own tumultuous kidnap. It was the fact that Hotch, despite his indiscretions, loved Haley as much as he could possible muster. And she was dead. Dead. In the ground. Never to wake up and smile, or talk to her mother on the phone, or hug her son. Dead. When the darkness came over, and Morgan had his lips pressed to Reid's nape, his body cupping ever so gently the younger man, Reid whispered, Good night.

He wondered how many times he would get to say that to Morgan.

Would you still be in my dreams?

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