So, this is me just writing whatever came into my head. I'm not even sure what this is. Some kind of imagined monologue from Allen while he's on the run after having found out about Mana. Though I only heard about that revelation thanks to ff as I haven't watched or read anime for some time now.
I wonder, do you think my future can change? It seems written in stone, like the past that can no longer change. I have been hunted without my knowledge, protected by people I was close to, but never truly knew. The father figure I had never showed his true face. Or maybe it is just that I nevee wanted to notice. The darkness, the pain, the hatred inside of them was hidden under laughter and insanity. I guess that should have been my first clue. The insane are broken, hiding food and evil inside of them. What is good in one angle is evil at another. Was I merely manipulated for what was inside me? Could I ever trust him? Did he ever love me, or was I only a means to an end? Those questions only he himself can answer. What I have to ask myself is whether I can hold on that long and whether I even want those answers. Oh, Mana, I have loved you, I have walked on for you. I will continue loving that image of the broken, loving clown who took in a lonely, hurt orphan. But I just can't unite that image with the mad Millenium earl. Though I guess he is just as broken. That man I have fought against for so long is also the man I have fought for. Should I even continue walking? When all he wishes for is the brother hidden inside me. Maybe it isn't worth it. Maybe I should just let go in order to fulfil his wish. But no, I have grown from that broken boy. I have become my own person together with my friends. Even with that bastard master. I can't give up or I might hurt them. No, I refuse to hurt my friends. I won't. I will continue fighting as long as I can. I will buy time even if I can't win.