-A lost love-

PLEASE READ!!!

This story may be confusing at first but it will all be explained by the end, and all will make sense I promise. This story is going from Jasper's POV, Edward's and then Alice's (before death). Hope you enjoy it. ~.~

Jasper's POV

Loss, pain, regret, sympathy; they were the feelings surrounding me, flooding me, dragging me deeper into what seemed like a bottomless pit of unforgiving despair. My empty soul echoed the sounds of my sobs, my black-ringed eyes unable to form the tears. Growing up I was told never to show emotion: to be strong and deal with it. But I couldn't. How could anyone possibly expect me to deal with this? It was hard enough having everyone feeling so pathetically sorry for me while feeling their pain over the death of...I couldn't even speak her name without it filling me with lonely heartache. The feelings for the girl I had given my undying love for and cared about with every being of my body, the girl I swore to protect, the girl who every day reminded me how lucky I really was, the girl who was always smiling always there to help me when I was weak...I've always been weak. Alice was the one who changed everything I knew, by walking into my life all those years ago. The emotions that were radiating off her were like nothing I'd ever felt before, so strong and passionate, so...alive. I could feel my body tensing and the hands I held behind my back clenched into marble-hard fists at the thought, bracing the pain as my heart shattered once more as the corpse of my dead wife lay unmoving in a closed coffin, while a Minister read over it. As we all listened quietly I thought of how she now faced an eternal death that she didn't deserve. I couldn't understand why, why her and not me. I swore to her that nothing would ever hurt her. An "over-protective fool" she used to call me. My lips pulled down in a sad smile. I remember the last time I spoke to her; we were fighting. I let myself replay the painful scene leading up to her death.

"Jasper, please! This isn't your fault!" Alice had screamed, walking slowly towards me. "Get away from me! No, you're right. This wasn't my fault; it's yours!" I growled at her, I hated fighting with her, we barely ever did it and her animated anger wasn't helping. "MY FAULT?! How is it my fault? You were the one who almost took a chomp out of Nessie!" she growled back at me. I just glared at her. She softened a little, knowing how painful it was for me to not be able to hold my lust for her blood. "Jasper, I didn't mean that, I'm sorry." "Stop apologizing! I am the one who almost killed Renesme and I'm sorry for ruining your relationship with Bella, I'm sorry I mess up your whole damn life! But you were the one who left her with me while you were supposed to be babysitting and instead you went SHOPPING! I couldn't help it if she bled and I hadn't eaten in weeks because, again, you were too busy making plans!" I screamed at her shaking with anger and disgust. "I-"Alice began to say before I interrupted her. "Save it." I said coldly, glaring down into her sad, soft face; melting me. I hate it when she pulls that face; it always has me slipping through the cracks. It made even angrier. "Don't look at me like that! I should have never taken your hand the first time we met; I should have never gone with you. I wasted half my life trying to make you happy, back then it was the only hope I had. But things like this make me think. Why do I even bother? Why Alice? Tell me; WHY?!" I growled the last word. I couldn't control the rage building inside me any longer. "Jasper, what are you trying to say?" she whispered, sounding like someone had just punched her in the gut. I frowned down at her my jaw locked and body all tensed up… and she just looked back at me desperate and heartbroken. "I'm-I'm just going to- going to go… hunt." Alice stuttered taking one last look at me before sprinting gracefully out of sight; but not out of mind. I turned to the window, smashing my rock-hard fist though the fragile glass. It shattered and fell to the ground like glittering crystals. As it hit the ground it spread, tiny pieces of glass flying in every direction. What have I done? I asked myself. I fell to my knees and tried to make an excuse for my words, my actions; but there were none. There was no excuse for what I had just said to Alice.

I snapped back into reality; I'd seen enough. I scanned around the open clearing to see the faces of our family and friends. They all looked the same; Esme had a look on her face that I had only ever seen once before, when Edward left Bella. Carlisle was obviously trying to stay strong but there were worry lines spreading across his stone-like face. I suppose he was still trying to figure out how my dead wife became...well, exactly that; my dead wife. Emmett appeared to be trying to handle it, but was quite clearing broken inside. I could tell he was giving off a tough look for Rosalie but it was slipping fast. I could hear Rosalie quietly murmuring to herself "This is not happening. I am not going to cry." Over and over again to herself, her arms folded across a chest long ago emptied of a soul. You could tell that she had already snapped; she was selfless and thoughtful for once in her life. She finally thought of someone other than herself. I glanced tentatively over at Edward. Everyone could tell he wasn't going to be open about this one. He looked so shattered and confused, lost and helpless. I could feel the emotion flooding off him. This must be hard for him; he and Alice were so close. They really looked out for each other. I guess he sort of felt the same way I did; trying to understand why Alice, of all people, and why we weren't there to save her. Thinking those swift words brought back a haunted memory; the pain of this memory was somewhat soothing compared to the scar our last fight had left. A veil of depression slipped over me whenever these memories were re-lived.

"Alice?" Edward eased himself to a halt about 5 feet in front of me. When I heard that name slip almost silently out of his lips I rushed to his side and followed his line of sight. "Alice!" I yelled. Not believing my eyes, I ran to my wife who was lying as still as stone on the forest floor; eyes closed and not the slightest hint of an emotion floating from her, chest still. The last part didn't faze me; we didn't need to breathe… but what was she doing on the wet ground? I fell to my knees beside her, scooping her limp body into my arms and dragging her onto my lap. I brushed her feather soft hair from her sweet, pixy face. "Alice," I said, more calm this time. I wiped the dirt from her cheek and tried to wake her. "Alice? Come on darlin', wake up." I whispered soothingly to her. Maybe she was frightened of something and didn't want to open her eyes until she knew she was safe… she did that a lot. I heard Edwards's footsteps coming towards us and then pace backwards almost as fast. I turned to him, confused. "Edward? What's wrong?" I was worried more about Alice's condition rather than any danger that could be around us. It was then that I noticed the crease forming between his eyebrows as he stared empty faced down at Alice. "Jasper...I can't hear her thoughts." He whispered. His words struck me like lightning. "What do you mean you can't hear her thoughts?" I said as panic rose within me. My mind raced as it tried to find an explanation but come up blank. I drew the worst conclusion. "No, no, NO!" I was short of breath but my words soon turned into a growl. I jumped up from the ground with Alice's limp body held tight in my arms. "We have to get her to Carlisle NOW!" I commanded urgently to Edward. My face was blank with shock, smothering the fear and sadness I felt inside. Edward started running and I followed. I looked down at Alice, her face peaceful, her body as empty as though there were no longer bones, or a full heart, inside her. "You're not dying on me Alice" I whispered to her hoping she could somehow hear me and find the strength to live. I looked away from her and stared at the forest ahead. I normally can't keep my eyes off of Alice. But I couldn't look at her, not this time. I could feel myself slipping and I had to be strong, for Alice, for everyone.

"OH, MY GOD! Alice?" Esme screeched. She strode up to me cupping her hands over her mouth, horrified. I guess she drew the same conclusion as I did. "What happened!" she yelled at Edward, shocked. I too gone to answer her question nor did I want to. I was up the stairs and running to Carlisle's office before she even asked. I kicked the door down impenitent and I have to admit I was scared. Carlisle was right behind the door, I guess he heard Esme and was coming to see what had happened to his daughter. "Jasper? What's going on?" Carlisle said peering cautiously at my face, I glanced at Alice for a split moment and then flicked my gaze to him pleadingly. Carlisle leaned down to see Alice's normally happy face, but instead he saw what I saw; a limp body, an expressionless face, and a burnt out flame. "What happen?!" he questioned giving me the same look Edward did in the forest. He walked closer to me and took her in his arms; though I was tensed up I relaxed and let him take her from me. "Is she-is she...dead?" I barely got out the sentence. Was my worst conclusion actually the right one? Is this what I would have to face, was this the reality? "No, no, no. Of course not, Jasper; that's impossible." Edward answered my question unconvincingly, as we watched Carlisle walk to his desk, clear it and lie Alice gently down upon it. I could tell that he was trying to convince himself that she wasn't dead, not me. I walked over to the back corner of the room, finding comfort from leaning on the solid wall. Emotionlessly, I listened as everyone raced up the stairs at the same time, flooded through the doorway and all spaced out around the desk. Esme gasped still unbelieving that was her daughter lying motionless on the desk.

"Oh my God!" Rose whispered and just like the other two, she wore the same horrified expression as realization of what clearly happened hit her full-force. "Holy shit," Emmett whispered, tightening his grip on Rose's hand, obviously just as shocked as we were. He didn't give me the look that would have sent me walking from the room if I saw it again. I was thankful for that. I guess he was trying to be strong like me, probably for Rose though. Rosalie hates hearing, seeing or even knowing of the death of another person. It's as though she feels responsible…

I watched as Carlisle made an examination on her, checking her eyes and asking Edward if he could hear her thoughts or if I could sense any emotion...I couldn't. I couldn't even watch. If he was going to start doing an autopsy on my wife, I'd rather pass. I shut my eyes and let myself drift in thought...

"Jasper?" Carlisle's clear voice echoed through my ears. I opened my eyes to see him standing in front of me. We stood in his office. The room was empty, everyone had left. I drifted my gaze back to him and waited for him to continue. "I'm sorry Jasper…but I'm afraid Alice has left us." He said pityingly, staring at me; waiting for my reaction. I felt my body tense before he even finished his sentence. I had known deep within me what he was going to say. My heart was no long there, I was fading, slipping slowly and losing my grip on my emotions; losing a grip on Alice. I could feel Carlisle shifting slightly into a fighting stance as he saw my hurt expression. He probably thought I would kill him, and I will admit the thought had crossed my mind when he told me. I ran swiftly and as fast I could out the door, down the stairs and into the welcoming forest. Without even a backwards glance; just like last time. I knew this meant another new life. I had left Maria and started a new life with Alice, now I was back to the start again. Alone.

Sadly and slowly, I let the memory fade and allowed my mind to take me back to reality. My vision was blurred at first but then it became clear. This is real. This was really happening to me. This wasn't just some crazy nightmare that I would wake up from to find Alice leaning over me, worrying for me, caring about me and loving me…because she isn't here; and she isn't coming back. Not ever. That was the reality; my new life was based on starting fresh alone. Maybe this was some sick joke hell was playing on me because I have been happy for far too long, maybe they want me to be miserable. It sure seems like it. I mean, first I was brought up to fight, and to fight not for glory, but for the kill. Then I found happiness. Alice taught me to be calm, to be thoughtful, but most of all she taught me to love. I stared once again at the sealed casket that held my Alice captive. It gave her no way of escaping and definitely no way of returning. At that moment I felt Edwards's worried and empathetic mind upon me, digging down deep into my soul, reading my every thought. GET OUT OF MY HEAD!! I yelled at him in my mind, poison lacing my harsh words. I was already drowning in my anguish. He made a small gesture that he was going to stay out of my head by raising a hand as if to say "ok, ok, sorry." He turned his gaze upon Bella. I slowly started to walk towards to casket. I was standing close to the back and as I walked through the rows of people their emotions flooded me, and each person I passed was like a punch in the gut from both sides. Their bodies were standing so close to each other that it was almost claustrophobic. As I broke through the last row of standing, torturing statues; I filled the space between me and my wife. Everyone was silent, wondering what I was doing. I stopped dead in front of the coffin. "I love Alice and… I'm sorry." I whispered as I placed a red rose on top of the glistening, wooden casket. That's when their emotions had the full impact on me. I guess even if you whisper you can still be heard in a small area full of vampires. I couldn't take it anymore, so I ran; and I kept running until I was as far away from them as possible.

I didn't know where I was heading, until I came reached the edge of the forest where the grass meets the road. It came to my awareness that it was pouring rain and everyone was staring at me; curious as to why a teenage boy had just run from the shelter of a forest, and was drenched. I kept walking and opened the door to the first place I saw, seeking refuge from the rains mercilessness. Then I realized where I was. How ironic that I happen to walk into the exact same bar I had been in when I first met Alice. I sat down at the same seat she'd sat, waiting for me, all those years ago.

"You look pretty shaken, is there anything I can get for you?" A young lady of about twenty, asked me in a voice as smooth as velvet. As she came towards me I smelt the strong scent of blooming jasmine, and the soft scent of musk. It neither attracted, nor repelled me. It was a strange scent that was hidden beneath all that musk and jasmine. It was the scent of a newborn vampire. That smell, was what made her more noticeable to me in this crowded bar, then say, the fat man in the corner who looked like he'd recently been in a drunken fight and reeked of alcohol mixed with tainted blood. I looked up from the bar counter and stared at her, wanting to see if her face would be as sweet as her scent. Yes, indeed it was. Every vampire was breathtakingly beautiful. "Jasper?" she spoke my name as soon as her golden-eyed gaze matched my reddened one. She was a mere five steps from me. She was smiling happily, acting as though we were the oldest of friends. Did I know this young lady from my distant, and painful, past? Was she one of the few surviving newborns Maria had created? I did recognize her voice and her face, but the hair and body did not match my memory. I vaguely remember the voice. The face was soft, featuring a delicate nose, and full lips the colour of blood. The contrast between the ruby lips and pale face was shocking. I shook the thoughts from my mind. Perhaps it was better if I didn't find out who this strange woman was, or how I knew her; I was afraid it might bring back a horrible and unfathomable pain that I would much rather forget.

My gaze dropped back to the bar counter. My body was weak and my mind felt run-down, as though I was too old, and could no longer go on; the effects of a broken man. "Can I have a shot of jack? Actually, you know what? You can just give me the whole bottle." I said weakly. I was tired and upset and I knew that my eyes were as red as her lipstick, and that the purple bruises that followed those eyes would make me look like the undead monster I am. I haven't eaten in months; I was too busy. Alice went shopping, and then we fought over Renesme, and then came her death and funnel. By the end of the last two events, I had been absorbed into a phase where drinking was optional, and not a need. I glanced up at her again, for she hadn't moved an inch since I'd spoken. Her face tilted slightly to the side and frown creased her brow. "Jasper, do you know what this will do to you?" she said, concerned about my welfare. "Yes, I do, and I also know that no matter how much Jack I drink, it will not take away the pain I come here bearing. However, it will ease my mind out of its current state." I informed her, my eyes dark and tainted. My voice weakened but venomous. If this girl knew me, she would know not to stand in my way. "Please, Jasper, don't bother." She begged me, pity lacing her voice. I knew I would suffer for drinking human beverages later, but I didn't care. My head fell to the counter once more in defeat. I didn't really care if she got my drink or not; I just wanted out. Out of here, and out of this life. She placed a cool hand on one of my arms. Her touch threw me into a vivid flash back. Of Peter, one of the newborns I'd saved from the clutches of my companion's greedy hands. Peter was one of the best we'd acquired…but he wanted out of her war and bloodshed; just as much as I did. So I let him go, and told him to run and never come back. The stupid boy he was, he came back… for me. He told me of this new life that was free of war and pain, so I followed him. I fled from Maria without even so much as a backward glance. On our way he spoke of a woman who he had met on his journey to a new life. Her name was Charlotte. Charlotte? Is this the girl of who Peter spoke? It would explain how she came to know my name and appearance. "Charlotte?" I asked aloud. She smiled down at me as she placed the bottle of Jack on the counter before me with a clang of glass. "Drink up." She commanded, baring glistening white teeth as her smile widened. She laughed. For the first time in over a month, I smiled. She shook her head and sighed as she moved away from me to serve another customer.