"I…I don't know if I can do this anymore…" Eva thought to herself.
As she peered out of the building that her platoon was taking refuge in, a bomb could be heard detonating somewhere within the city, accompanied by a chorus of terrified screams. Gun shots soon followed.
"No, I DEFINITELY can't do this anymore…" she thought, feeling her knees begin to knock together.
The rest of the soldiers that she was with began to move back out into the settlement, rifles at the ready.
But not Eva.
She was frozen in place, unable to take a single step. She had thought that she was ready to be here; to fight for her country of Amestris…but, as she stood, about to dive back into of one of the most intense patches of the fighting for the fourth day in a row, she could hardly breathe. She was too scared.
The noise was deafening, and she could feel the aftershocks of various explosions reverberating in the cavity of her chest. She should have been used to it by now, but she had forced herself not to be. She didn't want to let bomb blasts become something second nature to her. She never wanted to witness them again…
Eva swallowed hard, nearly gagging on her own saliva. Her throat was so dry; the air was just too dusty and full of the smell of gunpowder and decay.
She gripped her rifle so tightly that her knuckles went white. Trying to muster up all the courage she had left, she stared straight forward and tried to walk.
After a few very shaky, jerky steps, Eva realized that it wasn't of much use. She was still too scared. She had never seen battle this intense. After being let out of the military academy, most of her time in the Ishvalan War so far had been spent taking care of smaller skirmishes. Soon, however, more soldiers were needed to aid in the main battles. She had been one of the soldiers chosen, and was placed under the command of a State Alchemist.
She was to watch his back, him being a valuable 'weapon' and all; and learn from his ferocity. Though a skilled shooter, it wasn't very easy for Eva to bury her emotions and utilize her skills in the way that she was expected to. Her superior officers had decided that she needed to learn a thing or two from a truly 'gifted' man, that man being Solf J. Kimblee, the Crimson Alchemist.
"More like truly 'evil'…" she had thought upon first meeting him. The way he talked about the war as a simple 'occupation' made her skin crawl. How could he be so casual about MASS MURDER?! It was almost as if…as if he took pleasure in killing others.
Pleasure in utter chaos.
She had only spent a few weeks under his command so far, but it was more than enough. After seeing him turn Ishvalan people into human explosives more than once, her sanity had begun to wear low. She had watched him kill and clear the blood from his hands in pure joy too many times to be considered 'good' for her mental well-being.
The man was a monster, an absolute monster. A few times she had thought about telling him that she was quitting and going home, but looking into his cold, blue eyes as he awaited her confession had been too nerve-wracking. She didn't want to know what he would do to her if she actually managed to get the words out.
"C'mon Bellefort!" a voice called, snapping her out of her thoughts.
She turned to see another soldier in her platoon. He was tall and broad shouldered with an unshaved chin, dark hair and dark eyes.
"I…I'm going Ronson! Just, just give me a sec…" she replied, trying to keep her voice from shaking, but to no avail.
"Geez, look at yourself! Listen to yourself! You're terrified! You haven't been able to go out there and contribute as much as the rest of us soldiers since day one! How pathetic…why are you here anyway? You're just wasting everyone's time. You were sent to this squad to learn from Major Kimblee…but not even he could make someone as weak as you worth anything!" He said cruelly, chuckling. Maxwell Ronson had been unpleasant to her since the day she had arrived to serve under Kimblee. Eva figured it was just because she was a woman. Ronson seemed like the kind of guy who wouldn't want to fight alongside a girl; and one of only nineteen no less.
Eva opened her mouth to interject, but she was cut off by a third person.
"That's enough Sgt. Ronson." Said a familiar voice.
Kimblee emerged from a patch of shadows in the back of the abandoned room. He smirked and raised a brow.
"Why don't you go outside with the others, and wait for me there. I'll take care of Bellefort." He said; sounding more like a command than a suggestion from his tone.
Ronson cleared his throat and saluted. "Yessir. I'll be waiting with the others." He hurried out through the large hole in the front of the building that served as an entrance or exit. No matter how tough he pretended to be, he was still afraid of Kimblee. They all were.
Though she hated him for being a sexist and a brute, she was silently begging him not to leave her alone with the Crimson Alchemist. Her heart had begun to beat even faster than it already was, and sweat trickled down the side of her face.
Eva tried to remain stone-faced to hide her true fear, but she wasn't sure how well it was working. Even if she did manage to keep a straight face, Kimblee could probably see right through it anyway.
He was like a wolf, wild and without empathy. He could probably smell her fear as he stepped closer, regarding her like a predator sizing up its prey.
Eva took a deep breath and waited patiently for him to act.
"Well…why are you still hanging around here? This squad was called to begin moving out nearly ten minutes ago, yet you've barely moved an inch. You're not slacking off are you?" His voice was cold and raspy. It reminded Eva of scraping ice off of a car window. She cringed inwardly.
"Well, Major Kimblee sir, I…" she hesitated, not knowing what to say. She didn't want to tell him that she was too scared…last time she had done that he had taken her out into the heart of the fighting and made her 'face her fear'. It hadn't helped.
For a second their eyes met, and a parade of shivers crawled up and down Eva's spine. She quickly looked away, immediately regretting her cowardice.
"Come on, what's wrong? Are you still too frightened to fight? I thought that we had already cleared that up." He narrowed his eyes at her.
He couldn't believe that he had been given such a jumpy little subordinate. She was making things increasingly difficult for him…he wasn't sure if she was even worth all the trouble. Sure she was supposed to be one of the most gifted in her class at the military academy, but she certainly wasn't showing it.
He sighed inwardly. Why couldn't anyone else just look at the civil war as a job? That's all it really was…sure it was a little more intense than being a waiter or an automail engineer, but it was still a job. And why was everyone so bothered by killing? Did they expect something else? This was a WAR; a war that they had all been trained for. Wars could not be won without bloodshed. It was an 'occupational hazard'.
Eva didn't answer right away. She was too frightened to even do that.
Kimblee waited for a reply, realizing quickly that he would not be getting one from this young woman.
"Refusing to answer a superior officer? Not good, Bellefort." Kimblee stepped closer, bending down slightly so that his face was level with hers. "I'm going to ask you another question, and I expect a straight answer."
Eva involuntarily took a step back, instantly hitting a wall.
Cornered, Eva realized that she had no choice. She would have to swallow her fear and answer him, no matter how much she didn't want to. He wouldn't hurt her for her lack of courage…right?
"Y-yessir." She said shakily, trying desperately not to look him in the eyes. Her eyes wandered from the dark hair that hung over his shoulder in a ponytail, to his crisp, blue uniform, to the floor.
"Are you still afraid to go out and get your hands dirty?" he asked, "Or are you simply afraid of going out to get your hands dirty, with me around?"
The question took Eva by surprise. Why would he ask such a thing? Why did he want to know if she was actually afraid of him or not? She wouldn't dare lie to him and say no for fear that he would instantly see through it. But…she didn't exactly want to tell the truth either.
"B-both, sir." She said, still trying to avoid his cold gaze.
"Would you like to be transferred to another squad then? Your skills will go to waste if you're too afraid of me to use them. At least the other men pretend I don't bother them so that they can get the job done. There's no use in you sticking around here if you won't contribute." He said.
What he said did make sense... but she found it a little odd that he knew all his men feared him. Didn't it bother him? But then again, this was Solf J. Kimblee. Of course it didn't bother him.
Eva quickly looked up.
He held her under an intense stare, awaiting her answer to the next question. She shifted uncomfortably.
Eva took a quick, deep breath and held it in for a moment, feeling the swell in her lungs. She knew that Kimblee hated quitters, and that it was most likely in her best interest to remain under his supervision. If she indeed revealed that she did not want to be in his squad anymore, she figured that she would regret the consequences. Due to her lack of 'fighting spirit' in the war so far, she was not in a very favorable light for any of the higher ups anyway. Why should they treat her comfortably? This was obviously a test of some sort…there was no way she would actually be able to transfer under the supervision of someone a little more 'sane'. Sure Kimblee did a good job of masking his insanity when he wasn't utilizing his alchemical skills, but that didn't make him any less intimidating.
"No…no sir. I do not want to be moved to another squad." She said, trying to speak with conviction.
Kimblee straightened up, his eyes never leaving her. "Is that so? You wish to stay under my supervision even though you're afraid to be around me?"
Eva hesitated for a split second before nodding. "Yes, sir. It's not like I have much of a choice anyway, do I? I was placed in this squad by even your superiors. I might as well stay put. I'm just…new to all this. I'm sure I'll get better."
Kimblee chuckled and shook his head. "Smart girl…" he thought.
"Well then, Bellefort…" he said, bringing his hand down heavily upon her shoulder, "I hope you're right. You better get your act together; I want to see more from you, understood?"
Eva assented.
The way that he held her shoulder was not exactly aggressive, but forceful enough to convey to her that he was serious.
"Good." Kimblee said, giving her one, solid pat before removing his hand from her and turning to leave. "And you better mean what you said. If I catch you slacking off, you're going to be in big trouble."
Eva watched him walk outside, green eyes wide.
She let out the breath she had been holding in and wiped the sweat from her brow. As much as she didn't want to, she was really going to have to step up her game. Back in her hometown when she was younger and free from the burdens of a soldier, 'trouble' might as well have been her middle name. But now, it didn't sound so inviting.
Eva bit her lip and finally allowed her legs to carry her. She followed behind the Crimson Alchemist, keeping her rifle close to her chest, as if to protect herself.
"This is going to be a long day…" she thought worriedly, following her 'madman' of a leader off into battle.