Pre-Notes:I want to be out of school.
School is being retarded.
Disclaimer:
My word would be law
and Riku would be uke if I owned it.
Summary:
It must be hard living in someone's shadow.
----
Me.
"I
don't want to be you."
It must be hard living in someone's shadow. It must be hard to know that though he once loved you, now there is only him. You don't even look a like. When you cry, no one hears because he's so fucking happy. He never cries.
He has no reason to. After all, he got everything that was yours. The life that you once had, it was ripped from you violently because that's all you are. You're a shadow. Aren't you pitiful? You, who gave up a life for a heart.
False emotion would do just as well. But you? You were greedy like Eve, who sought what she could not have. And just as Eve was cast from Eden, so you are cast from this world. Goodbye, you. I don't feel very sorry, it wasn't like there was no choice. There is always choice, though they may be equally horrific.
But is this shadow-stalking any better than what you had? Of course, you'd be without him. There would still be me. But honestly? If you were to cease and become unwhole again, I wouldn't want you. You wouldn't be the same, as those who have touched God are pretentious bastards so you'd be a mockery of the fierce and violent blond I once knew.
Perhaps, even though I wouldn't want you now, I'd want you later. We both know I can't. Oh sure, I could try others. The leftovers from what was once in my hands just wouldn't satisfy, like how that once piece of God's fruit couldn't satiate Eve. She was a whore.
Then again, so are you. Of us thirteen, you slept with seven at the least. And then you went on to conquer the outsider. He loved you, as one clings to the fragments of what was broken. It was bad for you both. But were you ever anything but bad? I wouldn't have you any other way. Except, maybe, pure as new snow. Then I could brainwash you.
You would look only at me. I think, though, that it would only work for a while. The few attachments you make? They never last. I'd like to think I'm the exception. I think you still know me, even though you have suddenly become a shadow. When you cry, do you cry out my name? That'd be a nice way to be remembered. I have been reduced to a thousand grins of sand that can only be mourned by you, who is now a shadow. I feel fucking fantastic.
Doeshe remember us? Or is he of the sort who forget what they do not agree with? I'm sure it's the latter, but I'm still clinging to false hopes. Do you see what you've made me into? As much a mockery as you now are. Isn't it delicious, how this has worked out? I can't wait until our next life. I'd love to deck you, nice and hard.
But then again, I'd probably fuck you afterwards. Maybe you'd fuck me. Either way, it'd return us both to normal. To some extent. Like I said, those who have touched God become pretentious bastards. And then, those who are forgotten by all become flimsy depictions of human. Those who have been lost twice? They struggle to become what they couldn't. A superstar and a anti-social loser. It would be a match made in Hell, most likely.
Oh, and I almost forgot to ask. How do you like having a heart, Roxas? Is it as fucking beautiful as you though it'd be? I hope it isn't.
----
Postit-Notes: It's never a good idea to have a faint idea and then just start typing. This is my "not a therapist or a psycho" Axel. I don't like him much, he doesn't play well with druggie!Roxas.