... I don't honestly know what to say. This idea hit me, knocked me out, and refused to leave my head. Now I just gave myself another story to write DX But no worries, since the chapters won't be long, the updates will be more frequent. Hopefully. The book I based this story on is called "Song of Troy," Though it doesn't include the Golden Apple and the competing Godesses. Later parts I'll be using it as a reference.
Declaimer: I don't own Naruto, nor do I own anything Troy related.
The Golden Kunai
High in Mount Olympus, where lived the gods and goddesses, there was a wedding going on. All of the gods and goddesses had been invited to this wonderful occasion, (though nobody could remember who the wedding was for) and were all drinking merrily as the made toasts to one another, ate food so delicious that mortal teeth were deemed unworthy of it, and held conversations loud enough to shake the earth they were currently neglecting.
However, there was one god they did not invite. Well, actually a goddess. The other dogs... erm... gods, didn't want her there because of her tendency to start brawls and arguments. She was Eris, goddess of strife.
Why was I not invited? She thought furiously, Heck, even that snake-eyed pediphile of a god, Hades, was invited. She stood hidden in a large tree just above the outdoor feast (great thing about being a god, you don't have to worry about whether or not your feast would get ruined because of rain) and glared at them all with blazing hate in her dark eyes, All that free wine! She irritably pushed a strand of spiky purple hair out of her face.
When she had cornered Hermes, the messenger of the gods, she asked him where her invitation went, he told her that she had none, he told her that the others didn't want her there. He also told her that "Hermes is a good boy." No matter how many times other gods and goddesses have told him that he was a god, not a boy, he never seemed to listen.
Oh, I'll show them.
Eris ((Anko)) grinned evilly before reaching into her trenchcoat and pulling out a golden Kunai knife. Holding it out in front of her, she used her goddess powers and made a few engravings on it, before turning to face the party.
"Have a nice party you bastards" She snarled before throwing the kunai with all her might into the thick of things.
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In the thick of things was the King of the gods, Zeus, the Queen of the Gods, Hera, the Goddess of Wisdom and War, Athena, the Goddess of Love and beauty, Aphrodite, the God of the Sea and Sharks, Poseiden, and the God of Light and meteorites, Apollo.
The goddesses were currently having a civil conversation about the men and women they favored down on earth.
"- Oh yes, he captured my heart the moment I realized what a wily character he was! To bad he is also one of the laziest people on the planet-"
"Odysseus?"
"Yes Odysseus! Who else?"
"I don't know, maybe someone more ambitious?"
The Queen of the Gods sighed, she had lost more then half of what she had on her on some betting she made sometime during the feast, "I don't have time to seek out mortals to favor," Hera ((Tsunade)) said wearily. Athena ((Ino OO)) laughed and took another gulp of her wine, "That's because your always wasting your time forming punishments for your husbands lovers, both mortal and immortal." Get a life Bitch she inwardly thought. Hera sniffed, but didn't answer. Aphrodite ((Sakura)) laughed also and began to talk about all of her favorite mortals.
Zeus ((Jiraiya... fitting somehow)) had stopped paying attention to the conversation an hour ago and was looking eagerly down at earth into some of the bathhouses that had no roofs that were made for his pleasure.
Which willing bitch to bang now... it's nice to have such a wide selection He thought eagerly, looking down on some beautifully shaped women ploughing fields. Being able to change form always made wooing a lady easy. And the fact that no one dared slap the King of the Gods. The only thing to watch out for was his vengeful wife. Look what she did to his lovers, and even the immortals that helped him. Poor Echo.
Poseiden ((Kisame...)) had also gotten bored, and was currently making a ship in the the Egyptian Sea be attacked by three twenty foot sharks. Those bastards were suppose to sacrifice one of their beautiful sixteen year old daughter to him in return for smooth sailing. But did they? Noooo. So now they had to pay. He gnashed his sharp teeth together excitedly as he watched two of the men get devoured by his sharks, and the third begging for mercy. He withdrew his sharks and had them circle around the remains of the ship. The man, taking this as an act of mercy, immediately leapt aboard a dingy and began to paddle ashore.
He never made it. You wrong Poseiden, you don't get second chances. Though you have a much better chance of surviving if you are in favor of one of the other gods or goddesses.
Apollo ((-ahem- Deidara)) was making little bird sculptors out of special clay and was sending them down at different parts of the earth as meteorites. He was well worshipped in the city of Troy as most of the Asia Manor. So his fireballs usually avoid the area. Usually.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, a golden kunai thudded into the table before Hera, Athena, and Aphrodite.
Confused, Hera reached over and pulled the knife out of the wood. "To the most beautiful goddess" she read out loud to the suddenly quite party. Athena reached over and plucked it out of the Queen's hands, "Obviously, this goes to me," she said, primping. Aphrodite sneered, "You you piglet? I'm the goddess of love and beauty, obviously it goes to me!" She attempted to snatch it out of her hands. "I don't know how you became goddess of beauty," Athena sneered, "With that forehead of yours!" Hera reached over and easily yanked it away from them.
"I'm the queen of the Gods, it goes to me." she said firmly, daring them to argue. Though they didn't take the hint and the quarrel continued. Finally, it was decided that someone else should judge them. So, naturally, they turned to Zeus, who had been watching them nervously for the past few minutes.
"Which one of us is the most beautiful," Tsunade asked dangerously. Zeus squirmed under the gaze of the three goddesses. Desperately, he looked towards the other two gods that were with him to help, only to find that they had scrambled off while the argument was underway.
Cowards
"Well... uh..." He swallowed, there had to be a way out of this! As a last act of desperation, he looked down to earth, and at once spotted his victim.
"Who am I to judge the three of you," he said solemnly, "Why not choose someone more... neutral... then I am, like that kid." He pointed downwards at some blond boy dressed in orange peasant clothes sitting in a field, eagerly eating a bowl of ramen.
The three, accepting that Zeus wasn't going to choose, immediately ascended down to the boy that was happily munching on his all time favorite food.
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Paris ((Naruto...hee hee...)) was enjoying his time outside the stuffy city of Troy eating ramen in the fields full of sheep. Not many people in the royal court understood the mindless joy there was in stuffing your mouth full of long and delicious noodles.
He was halfway done when a completely life changing event happened.
Something hit Paris in the back of the head, he quickly grabbed before it blew away again. His eyes widened. A WHOLE BOOKLET FULL OF FREE RAMEN COUPONS!! Now he didn't have to ask anyone for money for a looong time!!
Oh, and right after that, he was visited by three goddesses.
The busty blond one introduced herself as Hera queen of the gods, another blond one introduced herself as Athena, goddess of wisdom and war, and the last pink haired one introduced herself as Aphrodite, goddess of love and beauty.
"Okay, here's the deal kid," Hera said, "This golden kunai was said to be given to the most beautiful, but we can't decide who it is, and our King of Gods managed to worm his way out of this decision, so it was decided that you should choose."
Paris blinked,"You want me to choose which one of you is prettier?" He asked, getting a good look at each of them, "It's gonna be very hard, your all pretty." The three goddesses, thinking that this meant that he wanted to be bribed, began to make offers.
"Choose me, and I will give you power over all over Asia Manor," Hera said, crossing her arms across her large chest. "Choose me and I will give you wisdom in battle, it's obvious you need it," Athena said, giving him a charming smile. Aphrodite didn't like the way the boy was looking at Athena and decided to make an offer he couldn't refuse, "Choose me and I will give you the worlds most beautiful women," seeing that he wasn't interested, she added; "And ramen." Paris' eyes immediately whipped to her.
"Oh! oh! Her! Her!" Paris yelped, pointing excitedly at the pink haired goddess as he danced around. Aphrodite smirked at the other two as they disappeared in a huff. She walked over and picked up the golden kunai Hera had left behind.
Then she too vanished.
Paris stood frozen in mid-dance as he stared at the spot where the goddesses were a few seconds previously. He couldn't believe it, the goddess Aphrodite forgot something very, very important.
"WHERE'S MY RAMEN?!"
Does everything fit so far?
Naruto Paris Sakura AphroditeDiedara ApolloKisame Poseiden
Tsunade Hera Ino Athena Jiraiya Zeus Anko Eris
Orochimaru HadesTobi Hermes
And as a spoiler:
Shikamaru Odysseus (obviously)Temari Penelope (don't worry, she has another role too)
Lee (he has two roles, I ain't gonna tell you which) -evil demonic laughter-
Okay, so why did I choose three members of the Akatsuki? I dunno, they seemed sadistic enough XD Strangely enough, I wanna continue this story whether or not I get any reviews!! I must be coming down with something...